Thursday, May 31, 2007
I think it said from 9 til 10
I COULD do coffee at 10.30 - 11????
Before my optometrist appointment......
10.30 at Sunnies???
Do you know how long it has been since I went for a job interview!
A verrry looong time!
I do not even have a CV...
Must go and stuff envelopes for toilet paper!!!
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
This is true...
the optometrist has told me so...
This is a good thing right now!!
My eyes are getting 'notyouth' and causing me too have a small problem in adjusting my focus which henceforth strains them terribly when I am DRIVING and they tighten all up and feel like the freezing of eyes that feels like it happens when you have ANXIETY attacks.....are you following me!
The reason this is a good thing is that my 'anxiety' issues around driving lately have an actual physical cause and I am not sliding headfirst into disgusting panic attackitis!?
....that is until I get to pay for new glasses after eye test on Friday...pooooooooooooo
Other news is my baby girl has finally arrived at 'womanhood'!
On the same day she got her braces....double whammy for sure!
She shall of course kill me if she reads this!
Which she won't because I am a boring blind old fart.....
So, as an official old fart with all grown up children I will now have to figure out what to do with myself for the next 40 odd years.....
As for you Mme, its not MY fault if you are too busy losing weight with shrinkies and can no longer do me for coffee on wednesdays!
PAH....I had to go out SHOPPING to get over it all and everything and I couldn't even buy anything because I am too OLD!
Monday, May 28, 2007
Note I do not say teacher here!
Teacher is a scary word and to be quite honest I do not feel like one even though, in effect, that is what I am doing I suppose.
My artyfarty marys are teaching themselves!
They are BLOOMING! Forging ahead in leaps and bounds....GETTING IT.... etc etc etc
I am an 'aide'
a 'helper alongerer'
I like it a lot
Go for it mary's!
I think we shall have to have a wall once a month at the cottage to show off on!!
And T-shirts that read "Artyfarty's Rule..."
Ah well, be happy today ankle,
tomorrow you drive..............
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Friday, May 25, 2007
a slacker blogarse never seen
driving, working, feeding kids
it's hell my life has been
today however I have not
ran around all day
on my bum I have sat
and with paint did play
oh yes, I am a painter
a painter yes am I
little dots and other things
in a blue and purple sky
and I shall paint tomorrow
in between the fuss
that hosting two of shelli's friends
shall cause all of us
and sunday I will paint some more
as much as I can bear
and if that isn't good enough
well, I don't bloody care!!
Hi ho hi ho
its off to paint I go......
HA HA HA HA HA
sorry 'bout that
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
- The parking ticket I recieved yesterday for being absent minded....I could have used that $77 for something much more betterer I am quite sure!
- The anxiety attacks I have suddenly been experiencing whilst driving to Lemon Tree Backpassage and home again
- Being in the car driving with a tight band of tension wrapped around my head for about 42 hours today
- Messy houses that don't clean themselves, dinners that don't cook themselves and children who whinge when you do your best!
- $500 that spends itself before I get a word in!
- That I'm not finished yet and the day has been lasting for about a week now...
Things I am very grateful for today
- Son whose 17th birthday it is!
- Cars that stay on the road even when my head is totally convinced they will slide off
- Ladies who pay me $500 and offer to help market my work because they believe in it
- Other lovely ladies who order Guide Drawings and are charming about it
- My friends who will read these whinges and care!
- Darlin's who will rub my back later even though they don't know it yet!
- That I am not suffering from the flu and dealing with snot as well as everything else!
Thats it...I will find some balance in all that soon!
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Today I have....
- spent all my painting money that I haven't got yet (well, in my head anyway)
- been to the markets and visited some witches selling wares in the wind and the sun
- spent all my money that I do have at said markets (thats what happens when you take shellibabys with you and find bargains...note to self: find self restraint and apply immediately)
- done some work on two paintings that are in progress
- sat around and stared at the wall, the book, out the window, in the fridge etc etc
- purchased a new budgie (bloody markets) that was a GOOD buy as currently owned budgie was having a very dull life....said budgie 'Minty'is suitably impressed and likes new friend 'Popcorn' very much indeed and they are quite happily picking things out of each others heads and being all lovey dovey....which is much better than ripping each others heads orf!
- Ummmmm, not much else really
- oh yes, been to Kmart to purchase school necessities for smallest child such as school books and a bendy ruler...ho hum
- had a bath, cooked a meal, drank lots of coffee, contemplated making a quit date and not done it...yet.
- Thats about it
- Yep, thats definately it for sure
Saturday, May 19, 2007
You stay awake all night tossing and turning and sleep is illusive and you wake up feeling decidedly worse for wear, thats what.....
Poo I say, big fat poo!
Today I am going to show a lady some artwork in the hope that she will like it and purchase some, one, whatever.
I take shellibaby to netball.....a pointless sport if ever I saw one....
I go to support group at the cottage to see whar a slackaarse I have been this week.
Am supposed to be walking in my truth and I suppose I must be because I haven't noticed anything much that is screaming out for me to pay attention to...
Well, maybe a couple of things but I am much too tired to give it any thought right now.
Must go wake up somehow....
Have a nice day all!
Friday, May 18, 2007
Thursday, May 17, 2007
- I have dye in my hair, it stinks and thats because its full of chemicals and I am old!
- I have lines on my face and that is because I have 4 children and I am OLD
- I have put on far too much weight and my pants are very short and I must wear a skirt to mummy's orifice (?) and that is because I am OLD
- and quite possibly LAZY
- The fact is, I am not young anymore, but I am not old either, I am in the place where it only gets worse from here
- It only gets worse if I look at it that way
- I can do something about everything that bothers me about myself!
....with the possible exception of stopping the grey hair from breeding that is....thank goodness for Loreal!
- I am actually enjoying my life, warts and all, at this point in time.
- Everything I am experiencing, I have created.
- If I want it to be different then I can change it!
Now, if I could only stop eating too much chocolate and smoking I would probably have the energy to move so my pants got longer.
Am seriously considering a quit date here...
What should go first?
The ciggy's or the chocolate?
I have just had to squeeze myself into a pair of lycra gut busting tights/stockings/pantyhose
that 6 months ago would have been too big
Not happy Jan!
Did you know I have an aunty called Jan?
She is a very strange woman.
Must run in the family....
Must go and force unbendable (due to lycra) body into small car and try not to slide off the seat whilst hoofing it all the way to woopwoop to do much work for toilet paper!
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Monday, May 14, 2007
accustomed to the first grade.
The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher
insisted on NO baby talk!
"You need to use 'Big People' words," she was always reminding them.
She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend.
"I went to visit my Nana."
"No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use 'Big People' words!"
She then asked Mitchell what he had done.
"I took a ride on a choo choo."
She said, "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN.
You must remember to use 'Big People' words."
She then asked little Alec what he had done.
"I read a book," he replied.!
" That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?"
Alec thought real hard about it, then puffed out his chest with
great pride, and said, "Winnie the SHIT."
Sunday, May 13, 2007
A mary has left a comment about herself and her perception of her body that hit me in the face.
Her body, by the way, is not herself.
We all seem to be suffering from a social opinion here, when it comes to our bodies, dont we.
I have to ask, and dont shoot me okay, I'm having an opinion here that is based on my own truth
...is it your truth or your opinion that you think you are fat and that fat is gross. Is it really yours or is it based on the opinion of a whole lot of blood sucking money leeches who run the fashion industry?
Where is this truth based?
How many 'skinny' women do you actually know, who are above age 18, and have had several children?
The truly skinny women that I have known were not happy with their bodies either, they wanted to be bigger.
If you know some then are they just naturally this stunning or do they work on it?
And where do they find the time?
How many women do you know who are happy with their bodies, having based their self image on the twiggy's and kate mosses of this world?
How many fashion shows include the 'average woman'?
So, what is this opinion based on?
CONJECTURE and some elses opinion!
If we look inside to our own truth, we will find that so much of our supposed self image is based on some imaginary and fictional 'ideal' that does not suit the real world that we occupy everyday.
Fat is not gross.
If we are loving ourselves then we will be gentle and rather than punish us we will nurture us with kindness and good food and other such healthy and weight reducing things. Because we are worth it, not because we are disgusting.
My point in all this is just this.
Why are we unhappy with ourselves?
Is it about us, or them?
If we are doing it for us then good, if not, then why?
That is all...........
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Friday, May 11, 2007
Thursday, May 10, 2007
I did lose my resentment pretty quick while watching my little girl have huge needles in her gum and getting her tooth ripped out by the roots.
Somehow, seeing your child like that makes all the pain in the arse stuff irrelevent doesn't it.
She is now minus a tooth....no residual pain thank goodness
Awaiting seperators and then a brace for her top teeth.....
All because of one little extra tooth!
Maybe she is really a shark??
Tommorrow is another day.......
AND the uniform dried without electric help....lucky for she who would have had to wear it wet!
So.....after being coerced into driving smallest child to school due to rain and general sogginess I have since recieved a call from the dentist changing her appointment to 12 today thereby necessitating me to make copious phone calls to said school to arrange early picking up of said child and then recieving reverse charge phone call from bloody child whinging about said arrangements and yelling at it about some things being out of my control and all the rest of that crap.
So, there goes my peace, any possibility of sneaking back to bed and Im really looking forward to an afternoon spent with a resentful 13 yr old missing a tooth, probably in pain.........................................aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhh
not a good mother am I
I also dislike children who are told to wash their work uniform yesterday and who present it to me this morning, filthy, and not clean, and expecting it to dry today on this soggy-est day, when I have not yet acquired a dryer or a goddamn heater to dry it with.
Patience is a virtue yes??
Where can I buy some???
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
I have so many things to do and don't know where to start.....gawd
Will eventually get to the place of accepting that it won't all get done at once, or even at all, and start somewhere, as I do....
I think I am commissioned for a painting....good stuff
I have no material for a portfolio or an exhibition and I need to do some work and now I have committed to my mother and have less time than I did I will probably focus better and work betterer under pressure, as I do...
At least I hope so!
If I could just make up my mind what it is that I actually want to focus on this would help greatly!
Oh dear me...
and I had better get cracking on Glorias painting or I will not be popular!
The canvas is so white...and so BIG..... and so white.....
Just to mention poo, for Kristy's sake, I will tell you that sticky date pudding is not called such a name for nothing and would give Laxettes a run for their money....perhaps Ruby should try some???
Note to self.....go see Captain TODAY and organise sieve head a touch! How does one spell sieve? Seive??? ie: Thing with holes in that other things fall through......
ramble ramble blurt etc
must go eat breakfast for energy to do what must be done......muesli with banana on methinks......
Monday, May 07, 2007
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Is there nobody else out there who had to get up at 6 am on this fine and freezing sunday morning to wake up children who needed to be places??
I am wondering why I, the mother of some very large teenage children, am doing this??
I shall be investing in some alarm clocks forthwith!
One each and a spare for sure
Also, one should not be quite so chipper at said hour of the morning when forced to be awake.....
I must be a master now!
I do know that I had a dream that seemed to go all night and be a storyline that made sense and featured 'people' who were not born on this planet and I was one of them......don't remember anything else.....hmmmm
Did I really agree to go work for my mother??
several hours later.....
I have figured out that it is okay for me to help mum out....I mean it feels okay....because, in this instance, I am doing the favour, for want of a better word, and am not the recipient of her 'help'.
I have learnt that my mothers love and help come with huge conditions attached and that by accepting anything from her, beyond a birthday present or some such thing, I actually allow an 'energy cord' to be put in place, whereby, she can suck the life out of me!!!
It is quite yuck and not good for me....
However, in this instance, I am the one giving aid, and so it's okay.
More than okay...its a balance redress....if that makes sense...??????
Saturday, May 05, 2007
Friday, May 04, 2007
Sooooo very stuffed am I
My feet hurt
My knees hurt
My brain hurts
Long day at school
Short night of sleep
(bloody Tatiana and Alexander and the same bloody story all
over again but no real bonking)
Tommorrow I shall be healed of a tight head
and become a reiki master too!!
No toxins she said...
I WANT CHOCOLATE AND I AM HAVING SOME
I will have no meat and no bread instead
I did a very noice self portrait today that looks like someone else
I meant to type noice!
I am going to stare at the wall now
Thursday, May 03, 2007
What does it take to be a Master?
The truth is that we already are. A few thoughts from Dr. Meg.
A Master has accepted him or herself as who and
what they are.
A Master has humbly accepted his or her assignments
within their journey with no strings attached, no what ifs and no
looking back to the past.
A Master embodies the Living Truth with no drama,
no trauma, in every moment that they are.
A Master embodies personal integrity.
This doesn't mean how honest we are in the world,
but how honest we are with ourselves.
Self deception is one of the greatest causes of fear.
We can tell if we are in personal integrity if how we
feel on the inside matches what we experience on the outside.
A Master not only has learned to give, but to receive,
having given him or herself value of equal measure
across the board.
A Master embodies love instead of practicing it as an
ideal or an idea.
A Master is able to find compassion for everyone including
him or herself.
A Master is everything that a Master teaches and is always
aware that there is more to learn.
A Master knows no comparison of experience.
Each is on a perfect path to what his or her soul seeks.
A Master embraces all that he or she is faced with without fear,
instead, with a full heart and of his or her wholeness.
A Master sleeps well at night, knowing that he or she has done
their very best in any given situation throughout the day
and that's all her or she could have done.
A Master Knows there are no mistakes, only opportunities
to change direction or to learn something, and then rather
than beating him or herself up for it, can laugh at the humanity
of it and go on to the next thing without dragging what was
A Master looks to no one for approval, but is open to everyone
to share what he or she has and accepting to new avenues of
thought and the wisdom others have gained.
After all, we all have a piece of the puzzle.
A Master basks not in ego, but in humility and wonder
at the scope of the infinite.
A Master never feels as if he or she has learned it all because
that is impossible except as a body of Light when we are
encompassed within the light of the source.
A Master carries that Light everywhere he or she goes
without judgment or attachment to outcome, after all,
once it is shared, it will grow according to the choices others make.
A Master goes with the flow, allowing him or herself to regenerate,
honoring that which he or she needs to be at their peak potential,
for if one is truly within the flow, one gets as much as one gives.
A Master needs no words such as these to convey the simplicity
of the apparent complexity of what is.
It just is.
A Master is love, on Earth and everywhere beyond.
(©Meg Blackburn Losey, Ph.D. and Spirit Light Resources,
2007 all rights reserved)
- I am very tired
- I am also very good, have been eating much fruit and only nominal bad stuff
- Must remember to drink water
- Haven't heard back from art people, oh well
- It's very cold this morning, must be winter
- I just ate BREAKFAST!! This is not a usual thing.......
- Haven't got anything interesting to say so I will return when I do
- Am going back to bed because today is one of those days when I actually CAN.....I am taking Alexander and Tatiana with me....note to self: moderation in all things including reading
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
I didn't post yesterday....must of been all that bloody chocolate maltezer cake I ate.....
I'm afraid it made me ill, too much, too much.
In fact my body has informed that it is sick of my blatant disregard for its needs just lately and that it is on strike and so watch out....oh dear
Time to be good
Bugger it all
Fruit and veg here we come, and juice, and water and walking, well, lets not go overboard here, gosh!
So, I have dropped off my painting to be considered for entry into the emerging artists prize, we shall see what happens.....
I am dropping off 3 small tiny little (you get the point) other works for hanging in a miniatures exhibition at Greenways Gallery at Morpeth next week....go buy one, or three, they are nice, abstract landscape type things......actually they are probably not as tiny as they should be.....oh well.
Agent Elf has made enquiries into a small showing of my work at Sunny's Cafe also...have to go check it out this week
I am working on two other paintings right now and have 5 pieces of stretched paper waiting for colours etc to go on them....
I'm on FIRE...
I have decided to do a body of work that is intended for prints to be made from, for sale at much cheaper prices than an original and shall now proceed to get very very rich thank you very much...
I have developed an interesting tourette's syndrome type twitch in my typing fingers (I say fingerS loosely) that requires me to type at high speeds and then spend 10 minutes going back making things legible....almost a stutter of the hands....must have caught it from a mary somewhere...
In order to be serious and meaningful I will tell you that I am working my way into my power, I am practicing expecting good things for me and speaking my absolute truth to those who I feel it appropriate to speak such things to.
This is an interesting process and requires some thought and consideration for others as well as myself. Don't want to hurt anyones feelings but don't want to hurt me either. And not to speak my truth where appropriate does indeed hurt me in the long run.
Sometimes a few well said words can save one years of resentment, trust me.....
Also note that to speak ones truth also requires an exceptance of the possibilty of being wrong and that it is okay to be wrong, in order to make things right.
Just for today I hand my will and my life over to the care of god, as I understand god to be, and trust that all will be as it should.
One step forward into the void
One day at a time
Love you xx