Friday, November 28, 2008


All going according to plan, I am having the whole weekend off!

How exciting

Now I can clean up my mess from the previous 3 weeks of no housework being done


Puppies and kittens are exhausting when in the same room


Wednesday, November 26, 2008

oh for a thrill

Boring boring boring

That is me

Still, things are on the move

Mother rang the 'offer guy' and told him if he was still interested she would accept his previous offer

He will let us know

This would still mean I am here for another 3 months doing the do but hey, thats not so long a tunnel is it

And he would have to pay me!

How and everything

Little brother is possibly going to buy a townhouse that mum used to own and which is on the market for a ridiculous amount due to a repo

This would solve several worries as well, such as where thay would live if she sells her house, which she will have to, and where brother will live when the inevitable happens

So, things may be moving along here

But today is still today and here I am

I still dont like tenants

and after the 3 months if the guy buys I will only work part time, if he wants me, because this full time caper is ridiculous and I am so over it indeed

So people, sending positive selling energy to the orifice please....

and keep your legs crossed!!

I do.....

There is some pretty feral energy in the air at the moment

I have had so many abused/battered women come in and apply for houses just lately....I wish they wouldnt tell me the story because if I didnt know it I could help them....I cant put someone in a house when the man will come and rip it apart though can I.

There are people screaming at each other in the street outside right now and I find it disturbing...I remember when it was me....bloody hell.

Christmas...merry merry merry heh....bollocks

Tuesday, November 25, 2008




and so on

I am tired and wired

not a good combo

My house is a mess

My head is a mess

My kids are a mess

My bank account would be a mess if there was anything in it

Still, it could be worse couldn't it

I heard someone say on the weekend that if you do good things but dont do them from a 'nice' heartspace then they dont count

Does that mean that hating this orifice renders my reason for doing it useless????

What a crock

I am going home to do my washing, eat pizza and chocolate and bleed a lot


By the way

I bought Shelli a kitten yesterday

from a bloody pet shop

expensive little bugger but oh so cute

I am a sucker indeed

She called it 'Crabsticks'

Its a little fluffy ginger grey and white tortoiseshell half persian pretty who deserves a name like "Princess" or some such thing

Crabsticks my arse.....

maybe she named it after me??


Thursday, November 20, 2008

Gotta love it....

My day so far

  • up at 5.45 for a change
  • coffees and things
  • get dressed in trackdaks as mother is to be ready at 8.50 for picking up so I can go do something which I will explain later
  • 8.30 am mother rings and says she will be ready for picking up at 9.50 as she had 'some things to do'
  • run around like hairy arsed blogger getting ready to open business not dressed in tracky daks
  • open orifice and smile calmly and politely at people whilst thinking rude things
  • 9.50 pick up mother
So, onto the thing that needed doing yes

Dont you love it when your teenage girls are old enough to do their own washing??

Yes indeed it is a treat......

EXCEPT for when they leave a towel in the sink that has the plughole in it that the washing machine water goes down and the water from a load of washing set on high even though it contained ONE school blouse overflows your sink and goes all over the laundry floor that has no drain it and therefore slops out onto your carpet and goes through walls onto your carpet and does indeed make the carpet a virtual swimming pool with suds in it and so you must of course get the water out of the carpet as soon as possible by going to get your mothers water sucking device and it doesn't work so then you go to Coles and pay $32 to hire a water sucking up device and spend a few hours of your day sucking up water whilst the heavens open up and pee down rain and you leave the car windows open because it is sunny when you get out of the car but whilst you are VERY NOISILY sucking up water ( and you have a puppy that doesnt like water sucking device noise so therefore barks loudly the entire time you are doing it so no wonder you dont hear the thunder) - a storm descends and you don't even notice until the seats of the car are as wet as the carpet and isnt it lucky you have a water sucking device after all...................

so, I would have preferred to buy a new blouse and/or even sewed one from scratch or something but my day has been lovely

I love my day

and my life

*grin with teeth bared and gritted and probably gritty too*

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Out there


I am putting it out there that I would like Friday and Saturday off

From the universes lips to mothers ear please

I KNOW she is feeling pretty good this week


Enough already

I will most likely commit murder otherwise

but I am not whinging

Just stating a fact

Other people have REAL problems today

Poor little Kyah has passed over this morning and her family must be broken hearted

I have been following her story for weeks now after seeing the link on Toni's blog.

She is free now

Poor brave little miss

I feel for her mum and dad and her brothers though

They have to stay and deal with the pain

after so long dealing with hers

Life can be so sad can it not

and happy too

We need to appreciate the in betweens more


Tuesday, November 18, 2008


If you go flying back through time, and you see somebody else flying forward into the future, it's probably best to avoid eye contact.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes, that way when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason....

Sorry about that witches...ahem

Just call this crazy Tuesday!!

What a shit of a day....I hate tenants.....really...I do

Someone should shoot the lot of them

I may volunteer for that...


Monday, November 17, 2008


Monday again


Did have a nice weekend though

Closed early on Saturday and went to the festival here on the 'foreshore'

You know, 3 rides and some stalls and a really crappy band etc

Was fun and something different

Darlin did buy me a xmas present which I have promptly forgotten about so I cant tell you what it is

Art exhibition at the club...went to that too

I will be in it next year dammit!

And so should you be elf...

Did some house work and cleaned the puppyson who is very cute and shiny again and cut off his fluffy bits so now he doesnt look like a barrell on legs. Three people told me he was fat this week! He is not FAT he is growing hair sideways in a curl....bosh.

A wet puppyson is sleek


and he is also very naughty and very attached to in I leave the room and he whinges and needs to follow me everywhere and sit on my foot


Darlin is happy because I gave him a massage after he mowed everybodies and their dogs lawns

(dont laugh Mary, its NOT funny)

Poor man thinks I have forgotten his existance I am sure and at times he is right

But usually I am just asleep with my eyes open

I am hungry

I am always hungery lately

Whats with that??

Grrrrr...pants will get short again soon


Saturday, November 15, 2008

enough of that

sick of that background

computer is on go slow and I cant even open my own blog

My life today??

House is a mess

puppyson stinks

orifice is causing me to be comatose

on a bright note

Mums friend Lyn is back in town

this may mean I get some days off

or not

who knows

I am ready to burn down the building though

so sick of doing nothing all day

Its NOT good for me


Thursday, November 13, 2008

Please explain...

Whats with all the aches and pains??

I know Red mother is asking too..

and the funny tummy

and the lethargy

and the muzzy head

and the undertension (is a word now) that is running full time

this is more than tired and exhausted etc

Something weird is going on and I want to know WHAT!


and yes Mary, I did read it but I would like to know more.

That is all.


Wednesday, November 12, 2008


Forgot to blog!

All is well

Child is sleeping and not bleeding

I am going to be sleeping after child leaves for Byron today, for a week, yay.

And parent is going too, so, double yay.

Office is boring

Nothing to report

Signing off now


Sunday, November 09, 2008


No bloods


No sleep

but hey that ok

Actually she had a friend over last night so I assumed I could sleep and did,
all night, until for some strange reason Kayla rang the home phone
(which was next to my head) by accident from her iphone
at 1.11 am......bloody

And of course I woke at 6am because that is what happens when you
wake at 1.11am and think the phone is your alarm and accidentally
turn it on whilst trying to turn it off, if you know what I mean...

so, yawn, again.

My house smells like dog

Must do something about that

Darlin is coming today and its raining and blah of course because it is my
day off you know


Must bath dog and do some washing so rain is not helpful at all

Must get grass mowed before dog disappears in it, rain is not helpful oh no

Think I might go back to bed now and think about it for a while...


Friday, November 07, 2008

and again

I am so interesting with my titles arent I

Child has slept again, though she was a bit down last night.

Due to the 'down' I was up

Several times during the night to check on her

I observed that I dreamed a lot and assume this is due to me never
quite reaching the theta state

I wish I could remember the dreams because they were frikken frustrating

I wonder why.....

I think everyone has cancer in them and I was probably waking up all
night in my dream checking on them to make sure they werent killing themselves


So, I am obviously tired

Poor Kayla is having a problem with school

In that she doesnt want to go

and for days now I have had to wake and shake her and make her go

This morning I woke her and she informed me that she wasnt going

Im afraid I said quite loudly and sternly "oh bloody grow up"

and left the room

and you know what

she got up, got dressed and went to school??


Today I must go and do the Tribunal court do

I have never done it before and Im hoping its ok if I swear a lot and
tell the judge that the bitch is a filthy mole and doesnt deserve her
bond back if thats okay.....



Thursday, November 06, 2008


Mary was enlightening because she LAUGHED at me.....


Well, 2 days with child sleeping and no blood


And no drugs last night either

Psychologist appointment was okay, with much discussion around
sleep and diet and exercise and why these things are important

I see that I need to apply some of these to myself as well

Coffee with my mary was enlightening too, in such that I am really
beginning to see that perhaps I have been a little harsh with Darlin lately

Nobody is bloody perfect are they so why should I expect him to be

This doesnt mean I am wrong

Just a bit ridiculous sometimes

And maybe using him as my whipping post at times without realising it,
because I can, if you know what I mean. At least he isnt going to die on
me or slash up his self if I offend him is he.

Poor darlin

Poor me

Enough pity pot really

Life goes on

even if one does set the alarm for 2 am so one can sneak up and make sure
MadamS is REALLY asleep

One good thing, I think she shocked herself with this last lot. They dont
look nice and they wont go away and every time I dress them she feels
like heaving and has to sit down

Im taking that as a positive at this point

bit different from scratches that will fade in time


And I keep saying so too

She IS female and vain after all

I have to go to the Tenancy Tribunal tomorrow and get a bond off a filthy
pig who should have known better then had the hide to object to the
cleaning and repairs we had to claim.

Frikken people

How many holes in walls and filthy everythings can you expect to be fixed
when sent back 3 times??

None, but you can change a flyscreen and expect the holes etc to be
ignored apparently

Hrmph I say

puppy school is a nightmare and dogs that sleep under your chair and fart should be shot at dawn

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

new day

Thank goodness for Darlin's who come and let me go to bed and sit up watching Shelli for me.

He said she went to sleep!


I hope she stayed asleep but havent woken her yet so dont know

Appointment with psychologist today

then coffee with Maryme

Have booked Shell and mum on a flight to sister in Byron next Wednesday for a week

I hope that happens ans she is ok enough to go

A change of enviroment will be good for her at the moment

and a week of sleep and not doing her or mum will be good for me

Please please please let it happen

Puppy school tonight



Tuesday, November 04, 2008


Oh dear

I think I am a bit stressed

Breath Michelle breath


Went to the doctor yesterday with madamslash and got sleeping tablets

Gave her one fully expecting her to sleep as she was exhausted

but no

she stayed awake all night and sliced her arm up yet again

this time deep enough that she will be looking at the scar when she is 90 years old

If she makes it that far

Im afraid I yelled at her a bit this morning

in between giving her a hug and putting butterfly stitches on the cuts

and then I sent her to school because I am sick of it and her isolating herself


no way

Now I am waiting for her counsellor to ring me and tell me what the fuck I should
do now

The quack says no way to double doses of temazapan

and I quite agree

so I will sit up tonight until she sleeps

and I will wake her at 6am everyday and not let her sleep ever except at night

eventually she will crash and sleep and her body will do as I say wont it!

Of course, I dont need sleep and am invincible...

...and CSV has been apologised to and the head nun honcho person has told
them that she can come home whnever she bloodywell needs to!

We'll see

Im just in the mood for a fight right now


Monday, November 03, 2008


It seems that Centrelink, in their compassionate wisdom have finally
decided to grant me the carers allowance I have been applying for
since December last year.

Of course, they are back paying till 3 weeks ago....hmmmmm...GRRRRRR

Anyway, we will be grateful for small, and I mean small, things will we not.

I also had an interesting convo with CSV regarding the giant shitfit
argument she is having with her 'powers that be' in regards to being
able to come home when needed. Part of this was due to her 'loving'
supervisor telling her that it was 'no wonder' Shelli was having these
problems inferring that it was because of me and also the lovely lady
enquired if Tahni was perhaps schizophrenic herself as she was not
consistent in herself at all times???

Are we on the same planet here????

Tahni, being her mothers daughter immediatley asked said woman if
she had been to uni and accquired her MD and was qualified to diagnose
ones mental state and also informed her that perhaps she may well just
go and apply for a scholarship for uni herself next year as she would need
something to live on considering the 'establishment' had taken
all of her money.....

The upshot of this being that they have called someone in and are having all
sorts of meetings regarding Tahnis suitability to be an 'assistant numerary'
or whatever the frik it is that she is supposed to be being

She then proceeded to tell her that she had indeed learnt from myself
and her grandmother that she didnt have to take shit from anyone...hehe


Mum and I are going to go down and kill someone soonish after we
write to the pope of course regarding verbal abuse of youing
people in 'his' care....

but really, is this maybe not a wonderful thing???

Maybe I will get some prayers answered here regarding my big
baby's decisions so far in life???

Hmmm indeedy


Well, after a good sleep on Saturday night Shelli was up all night again
last night in spite of the 10mg of temazipan in her system. maybe to do
with the double dose of antidepressant?

Dont know but Im sure Dr will tell me today

I spent yesterday chucking a shit fit with ex husband who,
in response to an email from me asking if his phone finger
was broken and was that why he hadnt rang the girls for
3 weeks, was to inform me that we only ever rang him when
we wanted something and why should he be the one to keep lines
of communication open all the time???? Hellooooooo....

To which I responded qute maturely with "F%$K off R..."

and then this

So, now I will try to be rational.
Kayla and Shelli have both recently expressed disappointment that
you have not bothered to ring them. I did say to them that they could
ring you but they were a bit angry Im afraid. If I remember correctly
it IS you who is the adult here and not them. I know you have a baby
due and as far as I know all is going well with that.
As far as life here goes I have had Shelli cutting herself twice this
week and had to take her into hospital yesterday for a fucking
psychiatric assessment and to get her meds doubled and to get
sleeping pills because she cant sleep. YOU KNOW she is going
through this stuff and is not well. YOU KNOW kayla has also
been under tremendous strain and even though she seems okay
it might be nice for her to know she has you giving a shit
YOU promised to do whatever you could to help these kids
while mum is sick and I am here, REMEMBER. YOU KNOW
mum is dying from fucking cancer and what you may not know
because you havent bothered to ask is that she is starting to get
PROMISED HERE. I am very sorry if I have not had time to ring
you and fill you in on every fucking detail but i did think that you
would understand that, considering the circumstances.
Dont give me shit about busy and babies Robert. From what I am seeing,
your lack of action here is telling me the story that you do not want to
know about this shit anymore and that your new life is much more
important than your old life.
In my understanding SUPPORT means that you understand that
life is hard and you let someone know that you care enough to help out
or even just that you care. You ring a child you have been a father to to
let her know you love her and you put up with shit from them because
you know that they are a kid and are suffering.
You dont just disappear from their life because they see that for what
it fucking well is.. LACK OF CARE. Perhaps you might like to explain
that to them for me okay. I will not be asking you for anything else,
ever again so dont worry about that will you.
So Robert, please dont talk shit to me okay. I dont need it.
I get the picture.
Have a nice life

and then I cried a bit

To which he responded by ringing the girls and me and then all was
reasonably well, except that Shelli refused to speak to him.


....also spent the day cleaning shitful house and stinky dog.

Vinegar and baking soda in the final rinse makes for a non smelly
pup by the way, if anyone has this problem....

Wish shellibaby was so easy to fix.

Did I say my life was boring??


Saturday, November 01, 2008


Well, got to the hospital and found many new cuts inflicted last night

But, there is good news

We now have doubled meds and some sleeping tablets so the child
can get a few decent sleeps

They have also put her on a more intensive counselling plan

and she is on the waiting list for the Nexus unit should things not improve
in the next month or so

also they will be liasing with school so she doesnt need to feel pressured,
like half days or whatever to keep her in the habit of going and being
at least a bit social

This feels like action to me instead of a bandaid

So, we will see

Poor kid was shaking like a leaf this morning

but seems brighter this afternoon

more later maybe


Am taking her into JHH for a psych assessment today

Hopefully they will adjust her medication and maybe give her something to help her sleep

and whatever else I dont know

I hope they dont want to keep her there

She will not like that and neither will I

She doesnt want to go

but I am making her

I had a talk to her last night about the stuff I read

It wasnt all that bad

Dark but you can see where she has been trying to work herself out

So confused and lost this kid

Onward and hopefully upwards, yes?