Fucking surgery has been postponed

at 4 pm mind you

I am over it

Will know more tomorrow

Wednesday it is

Well

Its today

Surgery is at 3pm

Going to be a loooonnnnggggg farkin day

gulp

and just to make it better

we remembered this morning that we hadnt paid the landlords after doing month end

so

hi ho hi ho

its back to backpassage we go

at least its a distraction

%%#@#^&*^$%$$#%$^%(**&%^$^%$%$^%#$%#^&$#@@@#

sunday again...for a minute

I am stuffed

Today I have been taken out for yummy breakfast by BOSS and husband and allowed to vent. I love MaryBOSS and Mr BOSS...they are cool dudes for sure and much appreciated

I have also finished 7 (soon to be 10) questions of the 20 I must submit to obtain my registrationto work in Real Estate....what a load of bosh I must write and read and pretend to thoroughly comprehend

I have been on the phone to terrified parent who is insisting on not going to hospital whilst preparing to go anyway, albeit drugged up on Valium dealt by me

I have a darlin back at home now who is fixing things like the kitchen tap that doesnt want to stay done up, maybe he will take pity on an old bag and rub her back even tho its his turn??

I must remember to pay the Captain who is a fixer of washing machines that go on strike which is another thing that happened this week, PLUS the computer got a virus that son had to remove as well...grrrrrrrrrrrr

I have a new 'do'.......MaryBOSS says its schmick and I choose to believe her. Darlin says it makes me look younger...is he inferring that I am old???

I have also taken son to computer fair and been to Coles but thats not exciting at all

All this while bleeding to death for the 10th day in a row, the second time since New Years. I think its pretty sure and certain I have a/some fybroid thingys going on in my uterus that may well need to be sorted at some point in my spare time this year. Great! I went for an ultra sound on Friday and will know more when I get back to the doc for results.

Pelvic Ultrasounds are a touch yukko are they not, the bloody probe should at least vibrate or something....

Mum goes in for surgery on Wed so its all go this week. In a way I cant bloody wait..at least we will know what we are dealing with here then.

Gawd.....

this has been a full on week for sure.

Looks like my application to move over to Tanilba has been approved...pending pending depending etc etc etbloodyc

I have found a house I WANT so the universe will see to it I'm sure...something has to go my way after all don't you think? Its not available till March so that gives me time to get sorted yes?

Ummmm, dunno what else.....I'm a bit tired.....and anemic (howspell?) I think too. That explains so much of how Ive been feeling for the last few months, regarding tiredness and anxiety and shortness of breath and all of that crap. Hmmmmmm......

Anyhoo

Enough drivel

I will keep you posted for sure

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH x 23764826484937365284948

weight of the world

Today I did something interesting

I cut off my hair

and you know what

I like it

If you are having visions of a shorn me, don't

Its still past my shoulders

but not much

and I feel much lighter

and redder

and curlier

hmmmm

must be a Samson thing

in reverse

xxxxxxx

quickly quickly

Hello peoples

I am alive

and busy

very busy

I will try to post something interesting tonight

But dont hold your breath okay

xxxxx


I did have a thought though

on life and death

some of us are living life

some of us are fighting for life

and some are just fighting it

And you know what

Its still our own choice

xx

Things to do

• Survive next 12 months
• Get mother into surgery in one piece and back out in one piece minus some bits we don't want anyway
  
• Hold together office that is run by one woman who is not me
• Hold together sanity of children spawned by self
• Get mother through 6 months of chemo whilst ensuring food and health are at as optimum level as possible
• Get mother to a place where she does these things herself and has a brain again
• Move house so one does not have to drive for several hours a day whilst attempting to do these things
  
• Find house first, then pack, then move, then unpack whilst simultaneously keeping office open and looking after half dead parent
• Try not to get stressed.....?????
• Speak my truth regardless of anything
• ANYTHING

Sometimes you have to say what you have to say when you have to say it.
And sometimes its not wonderful timing but gets said anyway...

I find myself rather intolerant of peoples problems right now. I s'pose my priorities have taken a fall. Like really, whatever was important 5 minutes ago is now just so much horseshit when compared to other things.

Somethings you have all the time in the world to get to

and others just have to be done now

thats just the way it is

Isn't it??

by the way

I am also very lucky

Lucky to have friends who sell my ticket on ebay and save me from losing big bucks

Lucky to have all the other friends of mine sending me and mum love amd other good stuff

Lucky to have a darlin' who is acting as 'Dobby house elf' lately and making sure i come home to a dirt and mess free enviroment. And who does good back rub and sneaky healings when Im asleep and listens to me repeat myself over and over, whether it be to him or somefamilymember on the phone all day and night

I must remember these things because other wise I will surely go insane!

Been feeling a bit anxious the past few days

But I've also had a sore right ovary, pains in the belly and a spinny empty head......how does one shut off empathy????

Bugger........

love you all, especially you my darlin'

xxxxxxx

ah poo

Today I had to do a thing I didn't want to ever do

Today I took a life

My Bear dog, who was born into my own hands.....

I had to take him to the pound and surrender him

He bit darlin' twice

He scared me

Now he's dead

Before he bites a child or someone else

It is a bastard

And even though I know I have done the right thing, I still feel like a shit

and so does my darlin'.

My dog, my choice, done

Bugger

update

Mum is home again

Surgery on the 30th of this month

They are unsure whether it is ovarian or bowel or both

All i know for sure at this point is that the staff at JHH are wonderful, chemo will be terrible and its going to be a long hard year

But I am strong

strong enough for two if needs be

I just wish I knew more about real estate

...oh yes, and did I being mention tired.....

gawd

yawn

xxx

blerk

Have been at mums for the past two nights.

She is in hospital now

I had to sneak her in through casualty

Excellent nurses who tell you how to do these things

Shes having 40000000 tests over the next few days to determine exactly whats going on in there and what needs to be done about it

and because she is actually in hospital, thanks to sneaky nurses, they will be able to do it without waiting for 100 years

Fark

I am farked

My mother is terrified

I don't have time to be terrified

Hope everyone is well out there

I need two me's...........

bye xxx

here

I know Im not very exciting lately...well, all last year too really

oh well

I am exciting in my head but when I get a chance to sit I just want to veg and play scrabble

oh dear

We did the wig shop, came away with a nice little number and some scarvy things that cost $20 each and which I shall now run up several thousand of on my trusty sewing machine. Mum will be the swishest really bald really sick lady around!

The clinic reopens at the hospital tomorrow so I will have some answers re; WHEN THE FARK ARE THEY GOING TO OPERATE HERE!

Though the surgeon did say it didn't make any difference...I dont believe him

When we got to the appt with the hair lady there was another woman there who had just had her head shaved and was being fitted for her wig

She also had Ovarian cancer and was in for her second go round of it.....that really cheered mum up of course!

Farkin shite disease

oh well.....bring on the hurdy gurdy

anythings got to be better than all this waiting

I would love to have the energy to blog out how Im feeling right now

But I dont

I am a bit skew whiff

and empty headed

its all so huge

Thanks for your good wishes and healing

At least I feel a bit human today

and have nothing on tomorrow

Saturday Im going wig shopping

hmmmm....

gotta get your priorities straight you know!

*hysterical giggle*

:0)

here....just

Am here
Am safe
Am well

Am tired
Am a little detatched from life
Am okay though

Am having computer problems
Am needing a new one
Am operating on basic basic system here

Am grateful for New Year because old one was tough
Am sure it will get tougher
Am okay with that

Am also grateful for darlins and ex hubs and nice daughters and even pissy old auntys
Am alive and breathing
Am HAVING MY TURNS

Am going to bed now too

Happy New Year all

I am

I am

I am