shit

My baby has cut herself again

What do I do?

What is it that makes this child take a sharp thing and slice her arm repeatedly and then draw on the slices with black texta?

I understand in my head

but my heart is crying for her pain

and my inability to kiss it better

Is it a cry for attention?

Is she copying someone?

Is she trying to impress some asshole?

Is she just so numb that bleeding makes her feel alive??

Today I am going to find her writing and damn well read it.

Fuck this shit.

Jac, give me a clue here.

WHY??

and so it begins

I have been saying to myself for a while now that mum is going to start getting
sick soon

and she is

she has been getting pain on her right hand chest/rib area

and its either her liver or her lung

but she wont go to the quack

because she doesnt want to know yet

but we know

yes we do

frik

sometimes she just throws up phlegm

and I dont know why

but I do really

sigh

but you know, I have been reading a link from Tonis blog about
a family with a little nearly 3 year old baby who is on her last days

and I am grateful because this could be so much worse

at least my mother has had a life

xxxx

something different

Sorry Jen, jumping on the bandwagon here

hee hee

noice

Was a great day

Am buggered now

I called the whales

and they came

10 metres away from right where we were on the boat

Mama and baby

cool

and this is my baby brother

Good sort heh

yawn

today

I am feeling very judgemental

Oh dear

Will be interesting to see how this day pans out

With me being the superior one and everyone else being shit

Slap me someone quick

I have things to do

Grrrrr

and the beat goes on

Oh dear

Back again

Grateful for shining sun

Airconditioning that heats

Puppysons who sleep behind my chair and be good boys in the orifice

Newspaper and paper towels ( go figure, I have a puppyson)

Pigs ears

Sons in Germany (see above) who have started talking to their mother like she is a real person

Brothers who buy tickets for their sister to go on a whale watch (I think)

Apple and Cinnamon muffins

That is all

My back hurts

Lousie Hay would have something to say about that I am sure...goes along the lines of 'feeling lack of support' now what was the affirmation???

Ah yes

I am strong enough to deal with whatever shit life chooses to throw at me today

or some such thing

whoopdedoo

and then tomorrow came...

I am home!

Not at orifice and not in town either

Darlin and I have decided to do his birthday on Saturday when it will be sunny

So yay

Home am I

All by myself

except for puppyson who is very quiet and not arse scratching either

Its so friggen cold though!

Brrrrrr

Tania, if I had the luxury of just doing lunch I would love indian, but it is rare for me to be able to make a damn plan these days so it will have to wait till I can.....

I think I may just go back to bed......because I can

Stuff the housework

Its not going anywhere....xxxxxxxxx

big day out

What a day

After coffee with assorted witches, which was fun, and I got to meet Tania too, which was nice, I went to the quack and between us we told some half truths to centrelink which is good, then picked up Shellibaby for her counselling appt, which was short (Shelli is doing pretty well BTW and meds seem to be making a huge difference) we headed home to pick up puppyson for day one of puppy preschool, which was hilarious!

Thats enough of that sentence...

Chandii is officially the naughtiest puppy and got sin binned 5 times for not letting the humping little maniac called Boris get away with it.

Boris is a horror puppy of a cross between a bulldog and a shitzu commonly known now as a Bullshitz (i kid you not) and if was Chandii I would have bitten him too....in fact I wanted to anyway as did the puppymother who had a strange foxy terrier with giraffe legs who would not say boo to a goose but who also ended up biting Boris the humping horror.....

anyhoo, it was exhausting and also mind numbingly boring at times as well....

I have rolled and taped up 3 newspapers and am currently beating the crap out of anything that makes a noise in a vain attempt to control my unruly puppyson....so far i have not beaten the crap out of him though because he is just too damn cute. I did throw one at the cat because she whinges too much....havent seen her since, hmmmm.

Its farkin freezing and I have turned on the heater too.

Tomorrow is Darlins birthday so I will have to brave the driven snow again and come back into town....

and Sunday, weather providing, I am going on a whale watch with my little brother, who bought me a ticket and mum.

That will be interesting Im sure...never done that before for sure

I am sure I am rambling here so Im going to go and go to bed. If the puppy whinges tonight about his itchy arse I will just cut it off. Easy peasy.....but I think he is suitably exhausted after his big night out.

swimmin...

Friggen blogger wont let me delete a pic....oh well cute enough to see twice

blahblahblah

Well, here I am again

In the bleeding orifice

with the stinkhead puppyson who woke me up 7 times last night whining...had his needles yesterday so that might be his excuse but still.....

I am perplexed as to whats going on in my life right now

Nothing is resolved

Nothing is decided

Nothing is changed

Well, not that I am aware of I think??

Or I may be left

or not

I may have left

or did I??

Hmmmm

I just have no idea

A bit cryptic I know but thats how it is

Feeling a bit flat today but no sleep will do that to me

Mother has been feeling unwell the past couple of days

I hope its just reaction to anasthetic or something boring

I have a nasty feeling that she might start getting sick

And I am still here in this box and nothing has been resolved here either

I have to reapply for the Carers payment. Frikken centrelink think it is ok for me to be working 40 hours a week (for nothing) taking care of this business but because I dont have to actually hand feed my parent or wipe her bum I dont qualify for a lousy $50 a week allowance....oh no....at least they havent made me look for my required 15 hours a week work yet...and doing her shopping and taking her to appointments and doing the heavy housework DONT COUNT EITHER....its bum wiping or nothing....

HAHAHAHAHAHA

so frikken funny that

When does terminal illness become serious??

About 5 minutes before you kick it apparently

That little form needs to be revised for certain

Anyway

I shall apply again because they want me to so they can keep me waiting for another 8 or 9 months

joy

By the way, its not about the money, its the whole frikking point of it

whatever...

Gosh, things can be frustrating

However, in the light of a new day they can still be frustrating but maybe not quite so grrrr

If ANU is to blame for this then she is a bugger but in a good way

I seem to be spitting my chips all over the place .....truth hurts sometimes and life is too short to waste on crap....my new motto I'm afraid

Anyhoo, to go on with other drivel

Mother had her head cutting off op yesterday and all is well so far except staples in your temple arent particularily stylish.....

Puppy son is alternating between devil dog and butterwouldntetcdog and is laying here in the orifice beside me

Soon he will go to visit nanny because orifices are boring for chewy pups when they are awake

Mums birthday went well and she did get spoiled

I am accumilating a large pile of things I havent done here so I might be busy tomorrow but not today

Bit cool isnt it...silly inconsistant weather

I am liking Mr Rudd a lot today as he just solved a few issues for me indeed

I dont really have a lot to say except hello and Im bored

Hmmmm

Grrrrrrrrr

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

zzzzzzz

Poor puppyson couldnt get out of bed this morning after his big day out

2 hours of Big Trev have sorted him right out

And then some family fun with 7 year old nephew and big car trips (in which he did not vomit)

and puppyson was a subdued and very quiet little fellow this morning

Im sure by the time I get home he will have recovered but twas nice to get a bath in peace and dress myself with out help from little black terror hanging off appendages for sure

Im buggered too.....wonder if I can sneak home for a snooze before going to mums??

Hmmmmm

Orifice is very quiet and I am reading a book, playing wordscraper and thats about it

Yawn

scuse me

Beginagain

Is too a word

So, been a large week

lots of things thunk through and acted on and posts stay put now

I am sort of looking forward to the weekend

sister and spouse and cousin of mine are coming tonight for the birthday bash tomorrow

and also a cousin of mums that she hasnt seen for years and years

so will be interesting

Cant see me having much of a day off but whatever

the sun is shining and the sky is blue

hope it stays that way for the next few days

puppyson is a bastard who got a smack this morning

before you call the rspca his pride was the only thing hurting here

spoilt little brat is going to learn some manners this week

too big for his boots that one

just because he is sssoooooo cute doesnt mean he can just hang off the end of whatever clothes I am wearing and drag himself around the house and then attack my foot because its wearing my boot

I see a handful coming up

oh dear what have I done

at least he is distracting and sleeps all bloody night

sooo hahaha

I am sooo professional you know

A bloody marvel of efficiency and all that

Am busy being this strange professional efficient person this morning and daughter brings puppyson down to the office for a visit

all well and good, cute puppy

In comes new tenant to sign lease and efficient professional me is doing the do as you do

when puppy decides it is time to do his do

on the carpet

in the middle of the office with new tenat looking on in mild disgust

and professional me restraining my efficient self from killing puppy and daughter whom I had previously (ie 10 seconds ago) told that poo machine was going to go in a minute

Hmmmmm

Thats 3 posts today Mary

sick of me yet??

oh yes

and I ate a lot okay

but no bum pics

no pun intended of course

oh yes, I have the next three days off!

woo hoo

some strange mary....

Some strange Mary sent me an email which I shall now let you see....

Apparently these are remedies for boredom....


WRITE a blog post
flirt with man next door
go home and have an extra long weekend
bring hound to work
go topless at work- wont be bored for long
ask everyone who comes in to look at your lump
watch a dvd
paint at work
clay work at work
beading
write a workshop on accessing power through art
sit out the front like sharon stone in basic instinct
eat
eat some more
shred everything
photocopy your ass and send it to face book
make a drum out of a glass an elastic band and some paper
take 14 valium and look at life from that point of view
call the fire brigade
WRITE A FRIGGIN BLOG POST
add a blog roll
update your profile
update your blogger side bar
shave your legs
stick pins in a lemon

post this list on your friggin blog !!

What a weirdo.....I would photocopy my arse but the photocopier is on holiday at the fixit place...and I'll be buggered if Im scanning it!

hrmph

AND I DID WRITE A FRIKKEN BLOGPOST...SEE BELOW...

enter the twilight zone...

Thats what my life feels like half, well, most of the time

The bloody twilight zone

Hmmmm

The wind is starting to blow up here

They predict storms over the weekend

Great

Darlin is supposedly re entering the building tomorrow....

Things are feeling a bit strange right now

Change is in the air

Which form will it take??

Ive given up on guessing about anything these days

We shall see wont we

Hmmmm again

Puppies are cute little people that pee wherever they want and sometimes its on the paper

I think puppies would pee on the paper more if their mothers were home to rouse on them a bit more instead of sisters who tell them they are mighty cute even if they are peeing on the floor...

I have instructed darlin to bring the grass cutting machine as the grass is over the puppies head and he will be lost in the jungle soon...its very wet out there first thing in the morning and towel drying wet puppies is not high on my list of things I want to do first thing every morning oh no it is not

Neither is picking up poo but we wont go there

At least good puppy sons sleep all night and dont wake their motherpeople up

A BLESSING OF COURSE

i KNEW THERE WAS ONE SOMEWHERE....

friggen caps button

grrrrrr

how to survive???

How am I going to survive summer in this boxy office???

I want to go play!

I want to paint and swim and stuff....

grrrrr

Manifest some sales for us people

I want out of here!

All good

I am just wonky is all apparemtly

How I managed to go my whole life and never notice that my rib is weird and sticks out of my chest I dont know

But x rays show no abnormality and that is much good

Had a little sunspot frozen off my top lip but all my other freckles are just freckles....

Not going near the quack for at least forever now...am over hypochondria!

and I am okay

So good

I had a decoffee with Maryme today and was gifted with the most gorgeous little ANU...such beautiful colours!

And a pouch for my crystal too

The energy she gives me makes me smile and feel loved

Just what I need!

Mary is a sausage for ever thinkling these girls arent special

Mine is booftul!

xxxx