Back in the day...

Remembering back in the day when I was a fifteen year old and could never find the words, or be allowed the 'space' to talk to my mum about what I was doing......or if I did try, to be shot down in flames because I knew nothing and was just a kid....etc etc

Remembering how out of control I became in my 'secret' life and that someone really should have stopped me....

Looking at my 15 year old who is me, but tamer she will be disgusted to know, many years later and wondering how the hell I can get her to share a bit of her life and thoughts with me so I can be a steady hand for her without shooting her down in flames or stomping on her developing self...

The answer???

Email.

Yep.

We email each other.....

Gives me time to ponder before shooting off my mouth

Gives her 'space' to hear me without having to squirm in discomfort at old ladies talking about personal stuff...

And time to reply with out having to do the 'teenage angst' thing.

Much..

Cuts out the yelling factor...

Well, I know its not perfect but communication is happening and some honesty is required.

Oh to put an older head on a young shoulder.....

For her to see how beautiful she is.....

And to know how much I love her.

crappity fark

S'cuse me

Well, after much early awakening and fasting and driving and such

We get there

She drinks the contrast over an hour

goes in to the room

the nurse cant find a vein

the radiologist cant find a vein

my mother is dehydrated and no veins are playing today

so radiologist decides he will keep digging around in my mothers arms, yes plural, in eight seperate spots, now holes....

with his sharp needle scraping on bones in wrists and doing embroidery type stitches in elbow crooks without removing the needle

until the poor woman cries

and the nurse says enough

and they send her home

to come back tomorrow

to do it all again

after lots of water has been imbibed

and with the aid of an anaeths...ummm.....oh you know, the experts at needle sticking in people



I will punch radiologist if he touches her again


prick!

And she had to really push herself just to walk from the carpark to the rooms....about a 3 minute journey for us non sick people

I am thinking a wheelchair will be needed soon for anything such as shopping or walking further than the car to the house type thing....

This is not fun

Not at all

My poor poor little mother.

Feisty little wench she used to be....

D Day part 1

Today I take mum for her CAT scan.

Up at 5am in order to be ready to go at 7.30

Of course this is only the 'boring' bit

Next Wednesday will tell the tale

It's going to be a fun week

I can tell already :0{

My fantasy life

The Little Mermaid Dreaming Ariel Disney Fine Art Giclee by James Coleman

In my fantasy life I would have something really valuable and interesting to say here every day!

I would divide my time between doing amazing (and well selling) artwork and writing 'the' novel.

I would always have pertinent advice for my children and they would always heed my words and grow up to be very well adjusted and functional human beings.

I would be a caring and nurturing type person who had all the time in the world for you should you need me to be.....and never have anything more important to do other than listen to you.

I would be in a high paying job that only required me to attend the place of employment when my heart so desired.

I would own a beautiful home that reflected all of my loving qualities...

My pets would be so well trained they could make me breakfast and clean up their own messes.


Oh?


Really?


Well, who's life is it then??


Bugger....

Driving Ms Crazy

Oh dear

Seems I forgot that it was raining on everybody elses house too

That means tenants

with leaky roofs

ringing me at sparrowfart to scream and have palpitations

why can people not just move things out of the way of water

put buckets and towels down

wait till 9am

and then ring me and abuse me??

Much more civilised as far as Im concerned

Am I supposed to go over in my PJ's and do it for them???

Am I now God and responsible for the heavens behaviour?

Do I have 24 hour access to tradespeople?

Am I a roofer??

Obviously.....

It IS raining people and has been for many days now

I know because MY HOUSE IS WET TOOOOOOOOO......

Bosh

booftul beast

Bathed, blow dried and in hiding in case she brings the scary noise back!

Now

Off to vacuum up 4 trillion dog hairs

Grrrrr

Sourpuss Sunday

Maybe I shouldn't be whinging

but

I am sooooo sick of this rain!

I like rain, really I do

Just not when it pours incessantly for days in a row and makes it impossible to do anything useful

Paint takes hours to dry

The dog smells awful

I will bath him and blow dry him but he doesn't like it.......sulking black fur ball ahead...

The house is dim

The washing pile is growing arms and legs

Bring on the sun I say

Bring on the sun

And a nice cool breeze for balance....

Its Sunday and I am now going to do something very useful

Go back to bed!

Hmmmmm

Into the Night...

time flows

through all the days

and the endless nights

and in the pondering of tommorrow

I hold no fear

of things past

and times remembered

only to be forgotten

once again

in this life

or another

endlessly I float

surrounded by the knowing

and the forgetting

and the secrets of my fear

was it yesterday

I saw you

or will it be some other time

will you know me by my name

what does it mean

this year

this time

this me

somewhere inside

someone knows

that time is irrelevent here

Copyright (c) 2009

Revisiting.....

Today I am trying to walk in my goddess

And I am raging

Is this why I avoid myself?

I stand back and observe the raging torrent of me and I see she is magnificent.

I try to pick apart the tangled threads of my relationships and I find

that my own expectations lead me to despair.

Inside of me, my goddess weeps.

She wails for the injustices carried out upon the children.

The child...

She cries for me..

Inside of me, my goddess dances

She dances for the sheer hell of it

And she laughs like a loon

She dances until her legs will dance no more

and falling to the ground

she sleeps

The sleep of innocence where no darkness that is not invited comes

Inside of me, my goddess glories in the sensual.

Touching, feeling, tasting whatever life should choose to bring her way

She does not hide in case it feels too good

She revels in the sweetness of my core

Inside of me, my goddess knows that I am not a problem waiting to be fixed

A role that needs to be played

She does not need to see herself reflected in the eyes of another

to know that she is real

I am her

She is me

Inside of me she dances

And she waits

She waits for me

Copyright 2009

Was it really over a year and a half ago I wrote this???

Hmmmm

Gratitude

Today I am tired...

and grateful....

for

• friends, both fleshy and online for caring enough to come visit and give me feedback
• giant hamburgers that stop my brain from functioning for at least an hour
• small black furry friends who smell really bad and me love to death
• aunts who keep the parent occupied and accompanied
• Lisa, who drives all the way out here to watch me eat mind numbing hamburgers and loves me for who I am, not what I do for her, which is nothing at all lately, except love her back :)

Thats enough...my cupeth overfloweth tho to thpeak

Yawn.....

Work in progress...

This is my current work in progress....

and parts there of....

xxx

Pondering

I have been wondering what its going to be like

Life after the death of my mother

I have thus far avoided this conversation with myself because I just havn't wanted to think about it

But

I feel that I must make some sort of, internal at least. preperation here

I dont think she will see out this year......

Not without a miracle anyway

Who will 'do' Christmas afterwards?

Who will I run to, not that I have needed to do that for many years now, but still, what if I did?

Who will I be in the family infrastructure?

What will happen to my little brother?? As far as I'm concerned he will live with me until he feels he can manage on his own...but what will he want?? He is my main concern really. He is only 22 years old.....and now is not the time to ask him, but soon, maybe soon.

What will happen should this business not sell? For real?

I don't understand finances, never having had any money, what happens with the house, the business, all the' stuff'? I know what mum wants everyone to have, I know what debts need paying, but I don't know anything else and she hasn't been very forthcoming with getting this stuff sorted.

Who will I be?

What will I do next?

My MadKchild will be devastated, as will my sister.

How will I help them pick up their pieces?

Funerals? I will have to organise one.....

Frik

Weepy Wednesday

I have discovered another worthy blog sister. Julie ann does gorgeous paintings and you should go take a peek at
heavenleighart.blogspot.com

I want one....

My gosh.....the sky is crying today

and its cold too

I hope they are getting some of this in Victoria!

The thunder is grumbling and the sky is dark, the office is dim and very quiet.

Have had a nutty kind of morning and am wishing it away quickly thankyou....

Its my little brothers birthday today....22 years old....and a celebratory meal is being had tonight.

The Wildchild (aka Shelli and/or Madam Slash) is feeling much better today and the soreness has gone from her throat... she wants to go to school tomorrow ......!!! She is bored.

Madgirl K has missed the bus again....it broke down and we have no alternatives out here in the boondocks.....and the alarm did NOT go off this morning??? I must not have set it properly...at least it wasn't at 6.99. She says god does not want her to go to school obviously and is happily doing whatever she does at home now....

My poor little mum is getting more scared by the day with regards to the CAT scan coming up next week. She is not feeling well, nausea, has pain all through her belly, in particular the left hand side and her left knee and ankle keep swelling up. She sleeps many hours through the day.

I too am dreading it....I dont hate anything or one in this world. Except for cancer. I HATE cancer...

Browsing through blogs has been keeping me sane lately and this I am grateful for. There is a whole world full of fantastic writers and artists and just plain cool people out there to be discovered and Im loving it.

Many thanks to my friend's Lisa, who led me here in the first place and Natalie whose recent blogging escapades have led me further into blogland than I realised I could go.

Anyhoo, I am boring today so will go....

Hoping you all have a lovely one, whatever it is.

xxx

AND....

Am home now and have eaten and calmed down, not that I was uncalm,(it is a word now) but still....

Good news is that on Sunday I got Shelli some Mega Vitamin C and zinc and echinacea in large doses and today her throat is only half as red and the pus is all gone......she is feeling about 50% better too.

I read on the internet somewhere that these things are an immune booster so got em and crossed fingers....seems to have made an impact anyway as she was one very sick chick yesterday and today she is hungry.

Anyway, I will keep her resting and observe her closely and not let her do anything strenuous for a while and hope she's okay.

Still don't know if it's a new thing for her or a flare up of an existing thing.

We shall see......

Why don't the comments from my art blog come through to my inbox??

I had several comments there that I wasn't aware of till today, so if you commented I wasn't ignoring you, just ignorant :0)

P.S: I have made a new friend in Blogland and I'm giving him a hey ho because he writes such a lovely tale....please go here to meet Barry.

xxx

Tiresome Tuesday

Blah

Today is a blah day

Have had blood tests done for Shellichild

3 days for results

So....

It seems I am not meant to be getting up early anymore

The clocks have conspired...

My 400 year old alarm clock that was nearly cracked in half once upon a time, when I bonked ex husband over the head with it one day, finally gave up the ghost yesterday, once and for all.

It did so with a quiet whimper.

Consequently I didn't get up till 7 and therefore K missed the school bus and a shiny brand new clock was purchased in order for this to not happen again.....

This morning at 6.99 the alarm did not go off......

yes, that's right

6.99

Hmmmm.......a clock from another planet I obviously did purchase!

I was awake at 5 however, as small animals were on the ball with scratching and meowing and some very loud birds also chimed in to make sure K got to school on time today....

So, another clock has been purchased and I will take the other one back to the interplanetary clock shop, located on Platform 9 and a three quarters, next to Aisle 5 and a half in Coles, tomorrow.

Are you confused yet?

Me too....

Looking forward to Wednesday, today is a lost cause

Ho hum

AND just got a phone call from the doctors ( 3days??) and it IS Glandular Fever.....FRIK

xxx

Monday's Musings

I ended up at the GP After hours clinic with Shelli yesterday....the attending GP turned out to be my old doctor from many years ago, the one who saw me at my worst and sent me to hospital whereapon my recovery began.

He says he thinks the child has Glandular Fever! Which is related to depression!

I will be doing research on that....

and taking her for blood tests tomorrow to my current GP to investigate further.

Poor sick kid is miserable and very sore and the penicillin is unlikely to do anything.

Grrrrr

On a different tangent, this doctor has a daughter, who I ended up going to Art School with. She was only 19 at the time and a bit of a wild child. At one stage she was going off the rails and me, being me, sat her down and pointed out the similarities in our selves and where she may end up should she not take stock of her little (6' tall) self.....last I heard of it. I had totally forgotten this until, upon leaving my appointment with her father yesterday, he shook my hand and thanked me for helping his daughter out those few years ago, I had made a difference!

I had to wrack my poor brain to remember....

Goes to show that you do indeed effect other peoples lives in ways you aren't aware of...the ripple effect and all that.

It was nice to know and made me feel pretty good. A nice suprise indeed.

The moral of the story? Random acts of caring may come back and bite you on the bum one day in a nice way, and if not, no matter, you may just make a difference without even knowing it.

Meanwhile, life goes on

Relentlessly

xxxx

meme's and the letter B

Thanks to Jen, who is located here, for my letter, which is B.

If you would like to play, you have to list ten things that matter to you, starting with a letter that will be allocated to you. Leave me a comment if you want to play and I will allocate you a letter.

So

1. B is for Beauty.....a small word to cover a universe full of such matter. Beauty to me is something that gives me pleasure and makes me feel. Not necessarily visual either. And it IS in the eye of the beholder indeed. Anything that makes me catch my breath and leaves me with that little 'pouf' of pleasure in my belly is beautiful.
2. B is for Bollocks.....the world is full of it and sometimes it is amusing and other times incredibly perverse. All depends on the perception I guess...
3. B is for Beasties.....the Beasties in my household give me much pleasure and also much frustration being that they are young. My children could be included here.....
4. B is for Bowel Cancer.....the disease that is killing my mother. I could rave on for pages but I will only say, please get ANYTHING different in this area checked out if you notice it. Caught early enough, it CAN be cured.
5. B is for Babies.....or Brats, which they do turn into eventually. However they are also Beautiful and sometimes ruin your Bladder and lead to you having to have Bits of yourself removed surgically in 5 weeks time........
6. B is for Bushfires.....a catastrophic event in the lives of many of my fellow countrymen right now. Please send them a prayer right now!
7. B is for B, the vitamin, of which many women do not get enough.
   Also B17 the controversial cancer therapy that my mother is taking in the hope that it will slow down the progress of her disease.
8. B is for Bull headedness.....I suffer from this and maintain to this day that, though it causes me grief at times, it has also saved my life!
9. B is for Blue....my favourite colour. In all of it's many hues. I love Blue.
10. B is for Brothers....of which I have 3. They would also come under the category of Brats and Beasties and Beautiful....

Thats that. B was quite hard actually.

Now for the meme, also courtesy of Jen......

Type into google your first name with the word 'needs' in inverted comma's after it
eg Michelle 'needs'....

My results = hahahahahaha


Michelle needs to pee......hilarious! As anyone who knows me will tell you...I certainly do, bring on the hysterectomy

Michelle needs to shut the f*%#k up! Ooooohhhhh....who did I offend?

Michelle needs every advantage possible to attain this goal. What goal?? I will take any advantage on offer though thanks...

Michelle needs a family that will be patient, consistent, kind, loving....excellent! Where do I get one????

Michelle needs your help.......Hmmmmm

Michelle needs to go poop in different languages....not touching this one!

Michelle needs a new hairstylist....why? I like my hair? Poo....oh, not going there, thats right.

Michelle needs to keep her legs closed....ummmmm

Aaaaarrgghhh

xxx

hmmmm

Well, having had some inspiring comments on my question I gave it some thought and, as usual, for me, ended up thoroughly confused for a while ......

In the end all I can come up with, in reference to myself, which is all I'm 'qualified' to talk about really, is that, having been through years of 'displaying' (due to being) myself as a victim or an abused person or an abuser and other such things, all of which I have been at some point in my life, having pared myself down as far as I am able, to the simple-ish me that is, is that if I just present me as me, how I am at any given moment, whether I be strong, fearful, sad, mad, loony or whatever, then I am being true to me and also to you, whoever you are at the time.

By doing this I acknowledge that it is quite OKAY for me to be feeling anything I am feeling and I am not locked into being anything in particular. This gives me the freedom to be who I am, warts and all, and to not have to worry about what you think. Because that's actually none of my business at all.

I am not strong all the time, I am not mad all the time, I am not confident, fearful, brash, whatever ALL the time, I am all of these things SOMETIMES.

They are not who I am but part of what I experience. If I live my life dictated to by something I have experienced then I allow that experience to define who I am. This I refuse to do.

I am just me.

Whoever she be at this point, and its okay for me to show it.

Because, in the greater scheme of things, it doesn't even matter. And what you think matters even less. I am the one who has to live with me every day, you just catch a snippet sometimes.

If I can live with that then excellent. If not, I have some adjustments to make for myself.

I spent so many years crippled by fear. In the end I realised that the fear that was crippling me was not the fear of what had happened to me, but the fear of who I might be when I no longer allowed fear to rule me. When I did finally 'get it' I was so angry (once I got past blame, another story), at me, for wasting all that time. Then I had to forgive myself for not knowing any better. Now I do know better and can USE my experiences to know when to say no and when to NOT engage in things that are detrimental to me.....back to choices again :) That's not to say I don't still get caught up in it all, I do, but these days I recognise it a hell of a lot sooner than I did, and I can relegate it to the garbage bin where it belongs pretty damn quick!


Having said that, I will still smile for my kids when I feel like shit and I will be strong for my mother even if I am breaking apart inside. Those things I will do for love of the people involved.
Not for fear of exposing myself or because I don't know who I am.

Makes sense to me......usually :0)



Onto other daily drivel....

Shelli's tonsillitis seems to be no better and is probably worse despite the antibiotics, any helpful tips would be appreciated re what do to help her

Kayla and I started making her quilt last night....grrrrrr, this is going to take forever and I will have made a lovely quilt for her to claim if it keeps up. Hopefully she will learn as we go and be able to do it herself so it is indeed her hobby and not mine....whinge moan bitch

She is a good girl though as I came home to a sparkling clean (??) house/bathroom yesterday instead of the pigsty I was expecting...noice

Mind you this was in reaction to the dummyspit I had had the night before about having useless lumps of children who couldnt do anything for themselves and made my life be consumed by the cleaning of other peoples crap etc etc etc.............oh dear, but TRUE and obviously useful as it worked.

Am going over to mums today to get some stuff done there for her.....she cant do it herself so hi ho hi ho...off we go.....goodbye Sunday........

Did anybody else have a strange experience last night? I suddenly started shaking like a leaf and felt really really weird for a half hour or so......for no reason that I can discern......hmmm????
And the sky was frikken HUMMNG (like, a TUNE) I swear, for ages....weird energy indeed I think.

It was hot yesterday, but you know, it wasnt so bad here. We had a great breeze coming off the water so it was bearable, hope today is the same....though mum has air con so thats a relief in advance.....

Darlin will be coming today. Must ring him and request throat soothing supplies from town asap...might wait till 8am though, it IS Sunday after all......

Thats about it folks, life goes on does it not

Have a nice Sunday

xxx

Me too

I have a question too

Seems Nat and Lisa have had the same mindwave as me this week

My question is

"Who do you 'present' as to others?

I will give you an example

I know a lady who suffers from many physical complaints

In fact, her whole world revolves around her ailments

She suffers from about 20 different diseases

This woman used to be drug addict and is no one we know in blogland ok

When she got 'well' she got sick

...and each year she gets sicker and sicker

When you meet this woman and ask how she is, as you do, she immediatley launches into a full-on narrative on exactly what she's going through today

You do not ever again ask this woman how she is, because she will tell you, for hours

By using her 'illnesses' she manages to avoid having to do any work on any other part of her 'self'

Every illness this woman has is one of the ones the doctors cannot ever really find a cause for...

Do you see what I mean?

This woman identifies herself as sick and in pain.....

and so she is.

She may as well walk into a room and introduce herself like this

"Hi I'm Sick, nice to meet you"

So, my question, who do you 'present' as to others?

And why?

BTW.....I don't expect an answer :0)

Its just food for thought

Hmmmmm

too much to do....

Funny how I seem to spend so much time sitting on my duff

and yet I have so much to do

Problem is the place where I sit is not the place where I need to be doing

My home needs some serious maintenance (ie: housework) doing to it

My dog needs some training

My paintings need to be painted

And I am sitting in the orifice doing nothing all day

That is the frustrating part of my life but I guess it will change one of these days

Maybe not into me doing my things that need doing

Maybe I wil be at mums house not doing the things I need to do

Whatever

I do have some things I should be doing at the orifice

I should be getting all the files schmicko for when the sale happens

Yes I said WHEN

no point being negetive

Maybe if I get it all ready the universe will see this and the buyer will magically appear?

Mum says she is not sure if I could handle the business on my own (??Like what have I been doing for 12 months?) because I often forget little things.....I ponder this, not like I haven't had anything on my mind lately and I haven't actually lost us any landlords...hmmmm...or even had any complaining about my slackness or even had any complaints at all except for tenants complaining about my Nazi-ness (yes, is)...and the fact that the only stuff that doesn't get done is the stuff she 'cant be bothered' with...which is important stuff that I just dont know how to do....grrrrrrr

I dont want it anyway

I have pondered and it is NOT what I call my cup of tea

I would do it if I had to

And I would go learn how to do it well

But I dont want to

Sooooo......

I want it gone please

NOW

All this shit needs to be moved out of my life so that whatever is coming can come

This is the year of moving shit out??

Im all for that

Except it seems to include my mother

And thats not very nice

xxx

a date??

Well, I have a date

I am to have my bits taken out on the 16th of March

2 days after my birthday :0(

Better than on my birthday I guess

It is my fault anyway as I rang them today to explain the situation re care of mum and needing notice now in order to organise slaves etc and the lovely lady went and stuck me in the schedule on the first available date that wasnt taken up by people with huge problems.

This is good and I am pleased because I have a feeling that any later than March and I would be postponing for a while....

so, all good I guess

one month ish to get stomach muscles limbered up (hah) and try to lose a bit of flab as I will be inactive for several weeks after it I think (like Im not now??)

Wont be running any marathons anyway.....( like I do now?)

The doctor said I will be in hospital for about 4 days and then not allowed to lift anything or do much or drive for 2 weeks after and then still take it easy for several weeks after that. Its a partial hysterectomy so I assume its a bit easier than having ALL the bits whipped out???

Any input would be appreciated...

In an ycase, between sister and Tahni and Darlin I should be ok

My drivewayfromhell concerns me a bit....may get a 'draggerupthedriveway' slave too hmmmm, Chandi does that now so I will make a harness.....

Im sure it will be fine

And I will get some bludge time

Shame I'll be drugged to the eyeballs whilst bludging though

Having it at Belmont as the waiting list is better there, mums friend had one there last year and she said they were great, and I had the hysteroscopy there and it was all good too.

Oh well

Thats that then

Done deal now

aarrggghhhhhhhh

xxxx

A little word ....

While it is okay to dip your toe in the past

and indeed necessary at times

There is no point in throwing yourself in and drowning in it

Because whilst you're busily drowning

you tend to forget

that you aren't actually there anymore

xxx

Da da dum

I have stolen Renata's idea and started a new blog just for artwork.

Look Here

It needs some work and Ive just whacked a few on there for now but it looks better than the silly piczo one I think

Hmmmm, will have to search out the image files.....aaarrrggghhh

Hee hee

and so it is...

Hmmm

Thursday again.

Looking forward to lunch if it happens

Shellibelli has bad tonsillitis, pus and stuff in her poor swollen throat and is not well and imbibing antibiotics that will hopefully do the trick for her....

Consequently I forgot to wake the MAD child up to go to school...

So she is home too

Bad mother!

I have however made it a condition that she does her Modern History work, with proof at the end of the day for me to peruse.....we will see.

I have been slack and will be starting treadmill regime again on Monday.....I actually felt better when I was doing it, may not wait till Monday....

I am giving fair warning that I may be posting some more 'recovery' related stuff in the near future. It will not be 'aimed' at anyone, but is useful life information that took me a long hard time to learn. It IS truth (as I know it) and it DOES work but it is hard slog and must be LIVED to be effective.

Such is the nature of life....

I do have things to share, and so I will.

Take em or leave em....all a choice

I am off to do the day

xxxxxxxx

Hmmmm

"The inter-dimensional triangulations are affecting us big time and the Masters have addressed this fully, below. What I do know is that the current erects of the triangulations are about self. About healing the child within us. Even those of us who had thought we already worked through our deepest issues have been somewhat taken aback at the intensity of the issues that have come up and the depth to which we are being affected. We cannot deny that which we have forgotten. Our childhood issues carries forth into this now as anchors to our value systems and our personalities. If we are working from injured perspectives we are seeing the world within and around us from a skewed set of perceptions. Rising above these errant perceptions can often be difficult because they are some of our deepest inner secrets and we don’t remember them."

Go here for more...

Clarifying

I would just like to clarify that with my last post I was not having a dig at anyone.

I would not do that.

I know how hard and long and painful the journey is.

I have walked that road and continue to do so.

I personally found it confusing and confounding and made it as complicated as possible for myself. I have hope that a word or two of mine may help something for someone 'click' into place somewhere along the way sometime. If not, it keeps me on my toes and makes me remember where I came from anyway.

My style of writing tends to be a bit tongue in cheek and I wont apologise for it.

I am WITH you not against you.

Always

xxx

some stuff...

Thought I might share some tips I have picked up along the way

I am not really a waffler so they will be short and to the point I hope.

• A label is a name you call yourself. For example 'an addict'. To call yourself an addict makes you 'an addict'. As an addict/alcoholic I could also choose to call myself a 'recovering addict' but I choose not to. Over 7 'clean' years down the track I am quite well aware of what my addictions did to me and where they came from and in my opinion (which is just that) to continue to call myself an addict in that regard is detrimental to myself. I am Michelle who had a problem with substances and no longer does because she CHOOSES not to. I could, I suppose, call myself 'a person who makes good choices' :) My point here is that by continuing to label oneself as something negetive, one reinforces, constantly, the negetive aspect. By choosing not to do so one empowers oneself instead. Thats how it works for me. Of course, if I was still struggling with the demons I would happily label myself as I would need to do so. I could also, of course, choose to pick up where I left off and use again, but that would be a choice I made, not an uncontrollable behaviour of mine. Same goes for 'abused' and 'victim' and other such labels. So, I am Michelle who used to have a problems with drugs and alcohol and was abused and allowed herself to be a victim. I no longer am any of those things so I choose not to call myself any of them or to identify with them in anyway in my thoughts about myself. That way lies guilt and shame and Im not going there today.....a choice indeed.
  
• Which brings me to choice. Interesting word/concept yes. A choice is something we make each and every day, in many different circumstances. The outcomes of our choices are the things we have to live with. These are called 'consequences'. Whether we experience positive or negetive consequences is entirely our choice. It is a roundabout circle that we have ABSOLUTE CONTROL over. Too simple really. The human mind likes to confuse us by pretending everything is very complicated when, in fact, it is very very simple. Of course, we can and do make bad choices. These can be called mistakes. The good thing about mistakes is that we have a choice not to repeat them. This is call a learning process and we all go through it. Perpetually. Somebody wise once said that the definition of insanity was to keep doing the same things over and over again and expecting a different outcome. Hmmmmm

Thats probably enough for now.

Hot today isn't it

:0)

• 
  

crappy photos

I will take better ones tomorrow

Youngest daughter took her new $200 camera to school today

and someone stepped on her bag

and her camera

so the screen has cracked

and I cant see what setting Im putting it on

and I am not happy about that at all

grrrrrrrrrrr

Ok, thanks Jac, I have fixed them a bit now...still more pink than red though

month end

Am doing month end today...blerghle

Thank frik its only once a month

Am a bit blah due to other things that come once a month

PLURGH

Anyhoo, I had a nice day yesterday despite the power being out for half the day due to a tree falling on the whatever that supplies the power to the peninsula here....

I painted!

Started one, finished (maybe) 3 small ones, and stretched paper onto 2 more frames to be ready for another 2.

I am over being non productive and non artyfarty.....the world out there is overtaking me and I WILL have something to exhibit sometime this year!

I am back.....sort of

Thos feels pretty good.

Im thinking there has been some full on energies lately that are bringing lots of things to a head for lots of people lately.

I would like to assure them that this is necessary and will pass and that life will be different and better afterwards if they can just hang on to their sanities and just get through it. I know this because I am living it....but believe what you will.

I have been living in a 'suspended' state for the past 16 months and am well aware of what this feels like. My secret for getting through it is to just do one day at a time and let the larger picture take care of itself. After a couple of months of this you would see what I mean because life goes on and other people must do what they do regardless and it really has no bearing on us anyway. We are only meant to be doing 'our bit'. Hope that makes sense for someone...:)

It occurred to me recently that just hanging around waiting for the inevitable to happen, and it will, is not getting me anywhere so I need to do stuff for me in the meantime. Even if its only little stuff.....I will still be here afterwards and I will still have to live each day and nothing will change that. So, acceptance and a little joy or peace or distraction thrown in here and there will be a good thing.

I know what I mean anyway...

Meanwhile, I must get month end over with today, so....onwards

Hi ho hi ho.......xxxxxxx

argh again

Well, another week nearly done

yay

Had to go into the Tenancy Tribunal by myself for the first time yesterday, was very thrilling.

Got the nasty blonde reconcilliation lady who always favors the tenant and treats the agent like a piece of poo...bitchfacemole we will call her.

So, poor shaking tenant who cries (on tap) and has managed to get her rent up to date finally didnt get kicked out and an order to pay rent on time was obtained and an afternoon was wasted again.

Oh well....her lease is up in April and I will take pleasure in kicking her out for no reason if she doesnt pull up her socks in the meantime.

I have turned into an unsympathetic bitchfromhellproperty person :)

Isnt that nice.

Poo

My house smells like dog

Grrr

My daughters are filthy beasts

I went to bed at 7pm last night and slept till 5am!

I need to mow my lawn so the dog will poo on it instead of my verandah! Poor diddums musnt like the grass tickling his bum......GRRRRRR

I think I will buy myself a whippersnipper so I can do it without having to rely on darlin being here as he has the lawn mowing tools permanently installed at his house these days...

My period is coming...for one of the LAST TIMES YAY

I am thinking hysterectomy is a nice word indeedy

In my family on the female side there is a history of misbehaving uteruses (uterii)

so I was only looking forward to years of revolting bleeding and horrible stuff anyway

Better out than in I think

Plus I have had abnormal cervical cells in the past so I think they can have that too

Yes indeed

and if I didnt need my ovaries I would tell em to whip them out too!

Hrmph

Knowing my luck it will happen on my birthday :(

I am boring

It is early

Toodles people

xxx

nips and tucks??

Argh

I am informed by my doctor of the gyneacological variety that the uterus must come out

It just keeps growing and is now the size of a four month pregnancy, and will continue to do so until I become 25 months pregnant with nothing or it falls out my arse, so to speak.

This is why I am constantly peeing, having back pain and not pooing correctly.

I should say, the fibroids attached to my uterus actually.

On the outside, not the inside, where if they were there they could be lasered out, but the outside, which means hysterectomy of not the vaginal kind because it is most likely just too big.

Hmmm

So, sometime in the next 90 days I will be doing this thing

All going according to plan

And then I will be unable to lift or drive for a couple of weeks

Which will require me to need some slaves...yipee

I do get to keep my ovaries

I wont get to have half a month every month bleeding like a stuck pig anymore!

Hmmmm......GOOD!

I wont be able to produce any late in life offspring dammit...heeeeeee

Im sure there are more things I need to know

but that will do for a start

Feeling itchy....

Am pondering the necessity of 'truth'.

Am wondering why we must always question (ahhh ...ironic I know).

Some things just are.

Fullstop.

And no amount of thinking or arguing about them can make them any more explicable or comfortable or justifiable.

Some things just are, and we are'nt meant to know why, or we would.

I find that there are things that I just 'know', like them or not, and that, for me, is 'truth'.

Just a word.

And it just is.

In my experience, these are the things I need to accept, without question, because 'question' just does my head in.

A large lesson I have learnt in this life is that I have no control, over anything really.

Except my own actions.

Note I do not include reactions in this.

What I do defines how comfortable I am in my self.

Each day I have choices about my own comfortability.

And each day there are certain things I choose NOT to engage in because they fuck with my head.

Constantly questioning the 'whys' is one of these things.

Lying to myself is another.

For obvious reasons I would have thought.

Some things just 'are'

and the quicker I get to acceptance, the more peace I have.

That is MY truth...for want of a better word :)

xxxx

swans and other important things

Everyone should go there, it is a MUST SEE website! Co-founded and operated by my favourite daughter, Eugene.

Swans and stuff

Oh for friks sake, yes, hijacked again, but what the hell.....

My dog STINKS.....

grrrrrrrr

Tooooo bloooooody good

Hrumph

Today I had to take K to buy some school shoes

This is generally a nightmare of epic proportions as she hates all shoes and only ever likes a certain type of canvas tennis shoe made in Thailand.....

however all other years have seen us traipsing through every shoe shop on the continent and still coming away empty handed

Not today

Oh no

Walked into the shop, AND it was payless and less than $50, and walked out in 5 mins WITH a pair of school shoes that she LIKED....

I am in shock

Aside from that I have been semi productive in that I have bleached all the used to be white things white again

And sewn up school skirts that needed doing

And thats about it

Energy levels are very low and I still want to sleep for a week

Had a chat to sister while putting her on the plane home yesterday about her needing to get down as much as possible now, for her sake......this was a hitting home unpleasant thing

Tahni is coming home on Wednesday for a couple of days so that is cool too

Back to the orifice for a busy week of crap tomorrow

Mum did have several phone calls in response to ad in the Herald

Have been speaking to lost son in Germany...I sent him chocolate the other week and it cost me $33 postage! To send $10 worth of chocolate and 2 tubes of zit cream....hee hee.....but he is missing chocolate and is too stingey to buy any for himself

So mummy is cool....

Shelli is still intact and not cutting, feeling ok. We will see how she goes back at school hmmm.

She has a boyfriend so that is distracting for her I suppose. Hmmmmm

She also now has her nose pierced on both sides because I am a sucker

Ex husband has bought a house now.....not wasting anytime is he. It does not have a spare room for my girls. They are not impressed much.

I am on auto pilot and that suits me just fine for now

And the beat goes on......la de da di dah

xxxxx

i am back

Did anyone notice I was gone?

It doesnt feel like I was

Not for long enough thats for sure

But it was a nice week

Very lazy

and soooooo frikken hot driving back yesterday with no air con...I thought I was going to melt

So, now I am here again

And nothing has changed

They all had a nice week together.

Mum has a swollen up left foot and is feeling more breathless

Little brother bought a house yesterday!

Almost 22 and a house owner/payerfor.....I am driven to compare childhoods here and ponder on the fact that we did come from the same parent.....hmmmm

Its nice and cool this morning but I am hoping for some sun today, I have 47 loads of washing to do!

Thats about it folks, I am boring

blah

xx

AAARRRGGGHHHHHHHHHHH

FRIK

The day from hell it was

Nuff said about that!

I am packed, car is packed, I am brown because I cheated, I am going to mums for curry

And in the morning

I AM GONE

phew

Hooo bloooodyyyyy rooooooooo

frik

Seems I have some new pets

A few of them

We will call them mozzies shall we

they like to wake me up all night and so I wake puppyson up all night who then would like to go out and do wees and poos and things please

Pet mozzies are no fun and they bite

I will be killing them all tonight and also shutting the screen door too

I have been up since 4frikken AM and I dont have any bloody babies!

On a good pet note, since doing the carpets with Nil Odour in the machine on Sunday I have had NOT ONE SINGLE wee inside, or poo....how good is that. Puppyson is also having to get used to being outside on his own for several hours a day...he does not like this but I tell him it is a real world here dog!

I also tip a jug of water on his head from the balcony if he gets too loud with his protests.

He doesnt like that either.......:)

I will be hiring a Citronella spraying bark collar device if he keeps it up but he is getting better so this may not be necessary......he definately wouldnt like that

Enough of animals

2 days till I go away!

I am not even organised one little bit

Lucky darlin has got the camping things out and they are ready to go

I will pack some stuff tonight I spose and must stock cupboards with kid and pet fodder so sister doesnt know how slack I am...

In light of yesterdays visit to the hospital I am aware that this may be my only time out for some time to come so I will be doing lots of nothing....

I am a bit numb on that one I think, or else just accepting, or maybe a bit of both. Lets face it, its been coming for the last year hasn't it. I would like a bit more information and something resembling a time frame but I cant see me getting one. I keep getting 6 months.....frik

You know, besides the obvious stuff, the hardest thing is going to be helping my little brother deal with it all. He is only 22 for gods sake. He is supposed to have his mum around for a lot longer than this.

That man has not come back to us about buying the business. I think they (the other agents around here) are all just playing vulture and waiting for the rentals to be floating around in thin air to be picked up. Well, that wont bloody happen if I can help it. Mum will give it to me. And then I will do what? argh

Not worrying about that just yet. If I had time to get my RE License I would but I am only one person here....I would need to hire someone with a license to make it legal and would that make it worth it for me? Possibly. Hmmmm

But that is projecting too far and is only a possibility.

Rather that than let mums years of hard slog go to the carrion eaters!

Grrrrr

Anyway, its now 6am and I should be getting up!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Short update

Mums tumor level markers went from 20 in Sept to 50 now

They were 44 just before she had surgery

So we are back to that square now

Having a CAT scan and a review in 6 weeks from now

They will discuss chemo then if they feel its necessary or useful

She got a shock

I didn't......

AAARRRGGGHHH

Kayla hacked my blog!!

grrrrrrrrrr

God i am such a crab and my daughter kayla is so much better than me god bless her

blahblahblah

Hmmmm

Am feeling slighlty better this morning after a huge blast of darlin' energy last night ( and a foot massage and a back tickle:0)....I can only handle his 'touch', healing wise, for a few minutes and then my head spins and I want to vomit

Sounds awful doesnt it.....he is very strong in that regard though and for some reason, these days I cant handle ANYONE giving me a healing, so to last a couple of minutes was a good thing. I think?

Usually I just say no but something wanted me to so I did

Its a vibration thing, I know, and not anyones negativity or 'fault'.

Just me not needing to be 'touched' that way...

Oh poo, Lisa will know what I mean...

Suffice it to say that during ascension strange things happen that render 'old' modalities useless and sometimes harmful to some, okay? My truth only.

Anyway, am still going to quack to get anti biotics today, and to get a Kayla script, and a mum script, and then a shelli counselling......ah these are the days of my life etc etc poooooooo

I am a treadmill hornbag by the way...under the inch(es) of flab there are the beginnings of buns and thighs of steel I tell you......poooo

Am tired and need to pee

But there are worse things to be for sure

Facing the day with a smile

Its good for the turkey neck

xxx

boo hoo

I think I have a UTI

Does this entail bloated sore to touch belly, very frequent peeing, slightly green pee, feverish, headachy.......sob

I havent had one for years so dont really remember but I am thinking this is what it is

Will go to quack tomorrow anyway so will check it out then

Its been a long day that has gone really fast, I know that didnt make sense but there you go

I wonder if my Joshua reads my blog??

If you do kiddo, I miss you :0)

Busy week this week

The biggest one is mums oncology appointment on Wednesday

She is whinging and bitching because she is scared

me too....

oh well

On with it yes?

well well wellllll

Looky looky

Ive been painting

Just some littlies to play with

Wonders will never cease




And I have cleaned the carpets

With some help from Dobby House Elf

and Dobby has mown the lawn

And the dog is clean and schmick and naughty

And we started the quilt

AND I put my clothes away

Some day off......

This is my little alter





And this is my goddess type thingy who's tits blew off in the firing so I stuck em back on


So

Now I am stuffed

Dobby is stuffed

We had garlic prawns for dinner

so we stink

and its time for bed

And that my dears, is that

oh yes, AND I changed the dead light bulbs that have been driving me nuts for months

phew

xxxxxx

FrFkSk!!

I like playing Wordscraper

It keeps me amused and sane

Why the frik would someone go on the computer to play a WORD game and think he will pick up a chicky to watch him have sex with himself on webcam???

Do people do this crap??

People are weird for sure

Hrmph

My house is a little cleaner looking now after a vigorous attack with Victor the Vacc and Mouldy the Mop

Wilfred Washing Machine has been given a seeing to as well.

Unfortunatley Michelle the Maid isnt playing and wont put any of her clothes away

Ho farkin hum

But I am a hit on facebook for sure

people want to have virtual sex with me

and other ones just like my work

Too blooody goooooddddd




Wishing Helen a nice evening

:)

Looking forward

I am looking forward to the day when I write a meaningful post again

It may be a while coming however

As the conversations I have with me in my head these days dont quite ever make it out through my fingers

I am also looking forward to being inspired again one day

I have prepared a canvas

It is sitting there staring at me and has been for weeks

Everytime I go to do something with it, I stop, unable to formulate an idea that is floating somewhere beyond my reach for now

I would normally say to someone else, "just start", but I cant, not yet, not just for the sake of it

Hmmmm

I know I am in here somewhere

Im just not quite sure who "I" is right now

That same me yes, but wait there's more.....

For now its like I am just floating along, doing the days as they come, with no particular enthusiasm or meaning, just doing......

And that, in spite of how that may sound to you, is quite okay with me, weird yes, but okay too

I do feel that I am actually just where I am supposed to be and that the floating is necessary

I will know when its time to swim

and its not yet

I do not question why, that would just drive me insane

Its okay for now

And that is all really

So, I distract myself with silly things, just to keep me awake some days

I think in short bursts

I 'do' the stuff that needs to be 'done'

Its all an illusion you know

This life

The trick is to see through it and begin to grasp the importance of nothing

and just enjoy the 'whatever' as it comes

For now
Remember this??? I almost forgot.....


xxxx

Random stuff just because...

The dreaded T - word

Darlin's xmas pressie....noice

Blue stuff I like

Bastard puppy son pretending to be oh so cute
(note the kitty litter spread all around)

Does my sisters arse look big in this????

...because real life is boring sometimes.

WTF

Its only Wednesday

How can that be

Feels like it should be Saturday at least

I am bored again

Going to be a stinker today people

Stay inside

xxx

bloody

Imagine walking up my driveway for 15 minutes people

Those of you who have seen it will know what I mean

Well, I just did it on the T-word and you know what

It burned 16 calories???

Frik that said I

So I had an iceblock to get them back

My legs hurt

In a good kind of way

Hmmmm

Im bored

and tired

frikken tenant bitch from hell

Am going to peruse the Ascension Guide

and go to bed

Sounds like a plan

Just dropped Shelli and friend down at the swimming hole thing

It is dark and they are mad but what the hell

You are only 15 once

Lucky that

xxx

groan....not really :)

Gawd

Walking is really good exercise you know?

10 minutes going up an incline at 3 km's an hour has me pooped

How embarrassing

This machine will be our friend

We will love it and feed it and ....

oh dear

I AM NOT OBSESSIVE

Pah

So, I will have skinny leags and love handles??

Better fix that

But how?

Ok I will shut up

So, what do you want to talk about??

well well well

It seems that centrelink are my friend

They have given me Carer Payment

I suppose me caring for 3 people 38 hours a day saves the government quite a bit really

I also got a bonus backpay for some strange reason but I will not argue about it oh no

Mind you, they are only paying for my care of 2 people but what the heck, fair is fair, I didnt expect it for K, she is ok on the anti depressant thank frik

so

We can eat now AND have the internet

I am grateful

My treadmill finally came

Its a beauty

I used it for 15 minutes and am half dead

So fit!

That will change

It does hills and everything

I dont do hills very well

hmmm

My arse is getting smaller already from fear of the treadmill

and spray tans only cost $30....apparently they dont do any shades of orange either, damn

so pleased I am

Its rather hot

and will be hotter tomorrow

and hotter still on Wednesday

wont that be pleasant

You guys are not blogging enough I must say

Up the anti people

or is that ante????

Muggle where is that sprinkler? I want to bury my dog under it...

xxxx

does my bum look big in this??

YES IT BLOODY DOES

BECAUSE IT BLOODY IS

ahem

the swimwear shop I mentioned in my earlier post does not exist

I know this because I spent all day looking for it today

I have bought some swimmers

I will lose 5 kilos in 2 weeks

and someone tell me a magic cellulite makergoawayer please

NOW

Grrrrrrrrrrrrr

Oh well

I am old and have produced 4 kids

and am lazy

and eat too much crap

I have decided that a spray tan before I go will be a good idea

At least a tan helps disguise a wobbly gigantic pitted arse a bit

I hope

:0(

Lucky I own lots of sarongs

BTW

DJ's have nice swimmers but even on sale they are rather expensive

I will now lose weight because I cant afford to eat!

Hah

oh to be a stalker

Well, Saturday work is done

I am a busy beaverish type person

Or was

Now I am a trackydakked type dag

Gotta love tenants who move in somewhere to escape beating boyfriends only to ask to move out so you sign up a new tenant and then tenant decides they dont want to move out 2 days before they are due to be gone and then SEND THEIR THUGS BOYFRIENDS DOWN to THREATEN YOU.....told you my job was dangerous!

Lucky I had my 5 foot tall mother who has cancer there to tell him to piss off....tough lady my mum

Shelli and I are alone at home. She, btw, is doing quite well this week. Seems to have settled right down. Phew for now. She also thinks she has secrets but I know better

This is because I am psychic and was also 15 many centuries ago.

Hmmmmm

I am bored....whinge whinge

See what happens when you arent exhausted...grrrrr

I tried on all my swimmers and they all tell me my arse is far too fat and my thighs are not pretty....GRRRR

I am going to go find a swimmmers shop who specialise in making fat arses look good!

I may have to go to another country of course, one where fat arses are the in thing, but hey, whatever...

I have purchased a treadmill did I tell you?

A superdooper thing that I will be paying off for the next 10 years but its worth it I figure

My girls need daily walking, depression needs daily walking, as do giant fat arses, and so walk we shall....it comes on Monday and by next Monday I will tell you how slim my FA is now okay.

Yes indeed I will

I will be taking all my pants up very soon
\Ahem

Am also going to investigate one of those WII things that people are raving about. Not so much for me, I know my laziness has no limit, but the girls want to lose weight, and need to really, so whatever it takes yes?

Time for action here

Enough of fatness

You know my little hideously expensive fluffball kitten? Well, it is the nicest little cat we have ever had. She is so cute and friendly. Im sure she thinks she is a puppy....

I am reaching for things to say here....

Ummmmm

Oh yes, not to stress muggle, beloved was not here.....promise

Neither was Fat Bastard mary, just in case you went there.....

Oh fine

Im going

Good bye

Pah!

hee hee

Started off the new year with a bang

Realised consequently that I forgot sex is better than valium

But enough of that.....

Month end was hell today but gotten through

I am tired but not woeful

Have just eaten pork chop with much salad and am now going to balance it out with a Magnum

Because life's like that

Then I am going to bed

Because I can

Finding gratitude that the day after tomorrow is Sunday

It also costs nothing to be polite. I must remind some of my tenants that I am just doing a JOB not trying to ruin their life

and start checking my car for explosive devices

:0)

Knobheaded self

Revise....I will revise my doom and gloom post

Probably because today is the first day I have felt human in weeks

Never mind that its back to orifice tomorrow

It IS a New Year!!

This year I will

• try to keep it very simple
• find gratitude more often
• enjoy the time I get with my mother and be grateful I am able to be here
• NOT kill any tenants
• Train my wayward puppyson
• Be firm with my daughter but love her warts and all

That will do.

I will also be having an open house barbeque type gathering when I come back from Hat Head, where I AM going regardless of whether the arse falls out of the world!

And you will hopefully all come, those of you who are within driving distance

Even WW should be finished CCing by then yes?

Negativity will get me nowwhere....I must get more rest or I will go mad

I will try!

Love you guys

xxxxxx

what? its over......promise????

The last day of this fucking annus horribilus???

Are you sure??

Hmmmm

I will believe it when I see it

New Years Reso???

Yes

SURVIVE IT

I am not in good form

I am pissed off

I screamed like a knobhead at my girls last night because the dog woke me up...

at 8 pm....cringe

I am undecided about what to take into the new year with me


Actually, it may well just be Groundhog year for me

or worse

sooooooo looking forward to it

I think Id like to vomit now

Thats how much Im looking forward to it

Weird dreams...well, not weird but definatly rude

Maybe I need some distraction?

Or a foot up the old Kieber Pass

Or anything that isnt this reality?

Argh

I feel better 'sickwise' so I think I am not going to bother getting sick, who has time anyway

Sorry to be a drag

But frikken hell

K is going away today

Shell is going out I think, if I let her

Mum wants to pretend New Years isnt happening

Darlin would like me to go down the coast and do it with his son and etc

I would like to not do that

So I wont

Maybe I will sit here in silence and contemplate my navel and find gratitude for something

Pah

Whatever

Have a Good One people, I wish you all Happiness and Peace

xxx

tis the season to be sillyyyyyyyy

Shame I cant be bothered

I think my body is fighting off the throat thing others seem to have

Glands are undecided as to whether they will stay swollen or not

Just a general blah feeling

Mum too...but her throat is sore and she feels like shit

Oh well, I refuse to have it!

Slept a lot yesterday which was nice but boring

Have to go run around like a blue arsed fly in town today with Dr appointments, counselling appointments, centrelink business and taking mum to meet baby Noah.....this will entail lunch at exes which may or may not be nice.....anyway, it will be done

K is off to Tuncurry for the New Year tomorrow

Little bro and girlfriend have absconded to Byron

which leaves me and Shell with mum....hmmmm

Dont know if I will be doing Hat Head now as well, never mind, but we will see.

Mums oncology appointment is on the 9th...this will be interesting as the head will have to come out of the sand.....fucking cancer

Have had to cut the hair on puppysons head as he was growing a coif with a curl....looked like Rod Stewart

Operation pee off carpet is working so far.....hasnt been off his leash much though

This is Kaylas and Tahnis xmas centrepiece...K is a swan maniac as you can see





Little bro gave nephew a fishing rod for chrissy...this was the result! Most impressive, yes

Have a good one peeps

"comes but once a year"

....for a bloody good reason

In short?

• many people
• too much food
• no fights except for me and him
  
• no cutting
• late nights
• did I mention many people?
• aunt at my house was a brilliant idea plus some nice angels made her miraculously pass out before she got obnoxious EVERY time....
  
• everyone slogged their guts out, ate too much, etc etc
• scored nice pressies, perfume ( J' dor or whatever its called), outdoor table and chairs, byron pants, beautiful dragonfly vase and stuff
  
• kids liked theirs
• all in all was good

Am frikken exhausted inspite of having done nothing much except eat

Thank frik its over...waved the aunt off today..byeeeeeeeeee mwa

Yawn

Will be in bed before midnight tonight!

Yay.......

Thank frik this year is nearly done

Mum is not very well...

Now for the next bit


Hmmm

Farkin hoho

Chandi got into the toilet bin last night

Every female in this house has their period.....

Chandi has been to the vet today and made to vomit a lot

That cost me $200!!

I am very happy about that

I am also happy that he smells like vomit and now I must bath him

Are we there yet??

I love Christmas

:)

Have a good one all and keep your hounds out of the toilet

Its very expensive...

Grrrrrrrrr

zzzombieeeeee

That would be me

Am sat in orifice with nodding head and sore feet

Did go visit ex and baby last night...he looks like ex...

I did suffer a few poignant moments as once upon a time ex and I were planning a little boy...oh well....



And picked up Shelli from hospital...discharge complete, will not be sending her back there in a bloody hurry...they have also managed to lose her brand new dress and 4 pairs of tights...grrrr

I am grateful she was safe and looked after but I dont need the attitude she learned in there...she will be unlearning it quick smart I tell you now.

I am not scared of damaging her fragile self by pounding manners into it...I think she will settle now she is 'out'. I hope....

The way I am feeling I will be asleep from 12 pm tommorrow till New Years day....

So frikken tired

Worn to a frazzle

Oh for a stiff drink...PAH!

A stiff neck is my only solace

poor poor me

:0D

Tahni is home till tomorrow

Brother is on train after plane from Perth last nught

Sister and entourage are driving as we speak

Aunty and cousin are enroute tomorrow

Frik

xxxx

update

Baby arrived safely at 10.40 this morning

Noah James

Looks like "a baby"

7lb 12oz

All is well

Ex is a raving loony

:0)

woohoo...I think

Ex's bub is on his way

5 minutes apart

Might have a baby by lunchtime

Ex is beside himself

Funny life isnt it

I am ex wife and he is texting me all the gories....

But how exciting for him!

Come on little Noah...be kind to your mummy

Funny if he is a she....

heheee