Grumblebum

That is me

a grumblebum extraordinnaire

Today my mission is to clean the filthy orifice and the putrid car

This weekend my mission is to get some sunshine (please) and to clean the filthy stinking putrid mess that is my daughters room

If your bedroom reflects your state of mind then she is certainly in need of a polish

But we know that already do we not

I am on the hunt for a Cocker Spaniel puppy

If you know of any please let me know

I think a bundle of licky love is just what my house needs at the moment

I will not remember puppy pee and chewed knickers at this stage!

I am demanding of the universe a break here

Some light in the tunnel RIGHT NOW please

Operation 'enoughisenough' is well underway

Now, how to make daughter play.......?

xxx

Happy now???

Bossy boots.......

grumble bitch moan

grateful

I am remembering to be grateful

I am grateful for darlin who is here for me even when I am a nasty boring cow

I am grateful for the knowledge that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel

I am grateful for the 'fuckedintheheadness' that I have lived through so that I know my kids will too

I am grateful that my rotten son is safe in Germany having fun and growling at me for worrying about him

I am grateful for B17 that gives one hope even if one does not know what to do with hope yet

I am grateful for sisters and daughters who come to help when needed

I am grateful to friends who care

I am grateful for my own self and my ability to see what needs to be done eventually

That will do for today

I cant quite be grateful to the orifice for anything but I will work on it

I am grateful for a warped sense of humour too

Hard work that!

organised as possible

Well, I am organised for battle

GP appointment tomorrow arvo for baby girl

Urgent appointment with Adolescent MHU for next Tuesday already sorted

Spoken to school, not that that was much use.....

Armed for action in as far as one can be

I also have my colonoscopy next Thursday so that will be fun

Daughter nun coming next week to run interference with the troops

Operation 'enough is enough' is underway

Frik

xx

My baby has scars all up her arm

How did I miss that?

Time for action

finally

The gods have a strange sense of humour I think

Fuck the stupid drugs

I need my head on straight

grrrrrrrrr

aaarrrggghhhh

I am back

in the box

aarrgghhh

at least its not raining I spose.....

I am stopping Lexapro as my quack says 12 days is long enough to know its not for me and one of the side effects can be rapid heartbeat which I have certainly had

So I am relieved of that

but now what??

Back to try Zoloft again....

if I bother

I will see how I feel over the next few days

Frikken shit drugs

Valium is my friend!

For a little while anyway

sigh

yawn....

Goodness

I have been asleep on and off all day

I am feeling a bit feeble but have no pain and I was bleeding more when I went in than I am now

excellent

Funny thing though

They said they saw no sign of any fibroids when we know damn well there are at least 4 there so they must be on the outside

hmmmm

got to go see about that in a few weeks

anyway

I am still sleepy

Sister and mother are running the orifice and figuring it all out so I didnt leave them in too much of a mess

dont really care if i did actually

:D

alive and kicking

Yes

I am home

and have survived

and not particularily sore

except for where they couldnt get the canula in

on both hands

and popped my vein

so had to use arm instead

yawn

see ya

xxx

awake

Been awake since 4.30

but went to bed at 7.30 and actually slept for a change so thats ok

Have had time for some coffee before fasting begins so excellent I think

The birds are singing and kookaburras are very loud!

Am being scraped and prodded and stuff this afternoon

aarrgghh

Its only LITTLE surgery I must remember....

Though I do wonder exactly how many people will be peering up my bits......

oh dear

xxx

wobbly week

Yes, its been a wobbly week

I think I have survived it

Ended up at the hospital on Sunday getting tested for cardiac crap after experiencing disgusting palpitations for hours on Sat night and Sunday morning

But all was well.

I think it was just the medication making things worse before they get better (I farking hope)

Been okay since, if a bit wobbly

My girls are a worry

Kayla had her first appointment with the psychologist yesterday and has agreed to go back for a few more. She is in need of some help and is a bit of a worry ...how did I miss this?

Shelli has been a worry for the last few years and I am thinking she suffers from depression...it appears to be a family trait but getting her to see someone is going to be a strategic intrigue. She did talk to the doctor so there is hope.

My poor babies

My poor me

But we will get through it..at least we are doing sommething and are aware....most important things at this point.

Going in for little surgery tomorrow

Sister arrives today

I wonder if she knows she is the messiah this week???

Son is having a lovely time and cant figure out why Germany has so many festivals...been to 4 this week alone! But he is happy and settling in and really likes his "family" over there. Probably more than this one here for now :)

Mother is unaware that she is exhibiting more energy but I know....she has been taking more of her supps (like I have been asking her to do for months) finally and I can see the difference even if she cant. And a bit of hope is creeping into her vocabulary which is good. I think.....

That is all for now.....might do some more later. I will say that when I am not having hours of palpitations I am actually feeling a bit better in myself...so I am sticking with the meds and seeing how things go. This because I am BRAVE and of course, DESPERATE......

My landlady is here talking to darlin....she is making my backyard lovely. Shame she cant do it from a distance

Ungrateful bitch am I....

xxx

bloody hell

Have just been scared out of my wits and experienced 'heart dropping to feet' syndrome

The phone rang half an hour ago and who should it be

Mr German guy who Josh is going to live with asking me if Josh got on the plane as they were expecting him hours ago and hadnt heard from him to come and pick him up!!!

Well, never have I been so gobsmacked and stunned

Luckily however, his call waiting went off mid freak out and it was my errant son.....

He has arrived, albeit a touch late and they are on their way to get him'

Thank fark for that!

Wait till I get my hands on him...........

and now I know that Mr German guy is nice man who speaks good english and really exists

another nice thing to know

I am sending my son an international mobile phone as soon as possible

That was horrible

Just horrible

JUST SO YOU KNOW

oops had caps on

havent heard from son yet to know he survived the flight

grrrrrr

but i did figure out that he wasnt really due to land till about 2.30 this afternoon

and then had to catch a train to Stuttgart from Frankfurt and be picked up and god knows what

so I assume I will get a communication at some point tonight

I bit the bullet and took the pill and so far, aside from feeling a bit strange, its okay

I will persist unless something really weird happens

I will try to make it to witches kitchen but wish it were in the afternoon instead of evening

Is that this Saturday?? Or next??

Anyhoo, am off to bite nails waiting for an email from my brat son

His room is very empty now

Point formish

I am buggered so just a quicky

Son is gone....should be landing in Taipai in a couple of hours after 9 hours of flight then onto Frankfurt in a 13 and a half hour flight....so, sometime tomorrow he will have arrived and be on a whole different planet for the next 12 months. Hmmm

I do not like son being in the middle of the air at all

or being gone either

grrrrr

Just us girls at home tonight....

I have a pre op appointment tomorrow morning to prepare for my HYSTEROSCOPY next week which is a camera up my nether regions and a bit of cutting and scraping, not a hysterectomy as some did think. I will be home in a day and up and about I assume in time to enjoy my WEEK OFF!!

Went t see quack about anxiety and was given some medication but have been too chicken to take one. The last one was a bit weird and I am a bit scared of it...anyone experienced Lexapro??

Went to get meridians balanced and it was supposed to relieve pain. I have been in back agony ever since...this is not funny really, it bloody hurts. (Maybe thats what my higher self was bitching about MM...)

I am so tired, was up at 4.30 this morning to get son to train to sydney so Tahni could pick him up and put him on the plane.....yawn

Office has been quite busy and parent has been present in it quite a lot lately. Her latest bloods are saying tumour levels are down again which is hopefully good but am a bit unsure as it was done by a different lab so results can differ. It was reading at 7.4 though, which if correct, would be amazing. 5 is normal, people!

Am going now. It is 7.20 and Im ready for bed

See ya xx

Oh my gosh, just realised that son is landing in Tapei in 10 mins and will be in germany by 6.15 am.... my stomach hurts.

I AM HERE

I am

Believe it or not I am actually VERY BUSY today

bosh and foof

I will blog

I have a headache

but I am okay

I think?

Hmmmm

farkin landlords and sons and mothers I say to you

ahhh crap

Been a horrible week

Am battling ferocious anxiety that is driving me slowly insane

Started an anti depressant thing today that made me feel very weird and not right

Am going to quack tomorrow to try a different one that is supposedly specifically for anxiety

The other one was one I was on years ago and even though it was ok then it is not now I think

I HATE this shit

Really I do

AND my 16 year old daughter has come to me and told me she is suffering from it as well, so I am getting her sorted, psychologist and herbal stuff for her. I dont have time for that right now, I need some relief now, artificial or not, so I can keep on keeping on....

Groan

I want to go fishing

zzzzzz

I am sooo tired

Want to put my head on the desk and snore

But then the phone will ring and someone will have a leaking hot water service or something

So boring today...

Offer was made on business and wasnt enough

We will see what happens

I have to go into have my hysteroscopy on the 3rd of Sept so sister is coming for a few days then....

the things you have to do to get a day off around here......

mums apathy is driving me nuts

oh well

life goes on does it not

relentlessly at times

son of mine is leaving for Germany in 12 days time

I will most likely miss him but am eager to see the back of his little pig head today

My gas ran out and I am heaterless for the weekend ......well, I can go get a swap and go but I am objecting for right now

Darlin has booked the pair of us in to go spend the day doing something meridian enhancing with a Master Yung next Sunday

Should be interesting and feels like it might be a good thing

The sun is shining and the wind is cold

Bring on Spring I say!

Happy Full Moon to you all...

xxxx

Things

Things are coming to a head all over the shop

Waiting for an offer on the business

Talking to certain partners about stuff

Dogs going

Kids going and other kids going through stuff

Me being stretched to breaking point and apathetic about all

Not knowing is killing us all .....

what comes next??

Farked if I know

The control freak in me wants to know NOW

grrrr

frik

suprises and weirdness

Hmmmm

Been feeling really weird all day but whatever

Mother came to work today at mid morn and wafted me off to the Terrace (leaving the office unattended) for oysters for lunch looking over the river......at cows but whatever

And it was freezing cold but whatever

Its the thought that counts....

..and now we are surfing the net looking for a mansion up near Cairns somewhere for us to go to for a month when the business gets sold.......????????

A month on a beach in a mansion with a pool and all expenses paid?

I could grow to like that idea....

hmmmmmm

human bean

Well, after going to bed at 7 last night and sleeping till 5.30 this morning I feel a bit better.

Then, after using Shellis dentist appointment as an excuse to escape and having a coffee with Mary and dropping around to remind darlin' that i know where he lives, I even feel like a human bean with a real life sort of.

Of course I had to eventually return to the orifice and send the frazzled little mother home, but hey, I dragged it out as long as i could.

Seems the anxiety attacks are not reserved for me at the moment and so I am assigning the blame partially to the ever changing energies of now and am also cutting down severely on caffiene. Nescafe has a new one that is half strength and tastes okay so this is my new tipple.

Seems sensible as I do drink many coffees in the course of my day.

My backyard is now resembling a mud puddle with STUCTURE so I am hopeful of using it one day this century. I will, however have to endure my stickybeak landlady for some hours soon as she intends to put SHRUBS in it and also give me energy saving lightbulbs for some reason. This perplexex me somewhat as someone (who I suspect may well be her own good self) will be coming to put them in. Do I look incapable of changing a lightbulb to you?

She also wants to put water saving shower heads in, which I am supportive of in other peoples, who have good water pressures, houses but am not so sure about mine. I dont want to have to run around in the shower to get wet here.......my landlady is a psycho freakish type person who will come and install herself in your home for a whole day so she can sew and hang curtains that end up 3 inches too short and get taken down and put in the cupboard anyway...and last time she came to clean the drain out she bought a bottle of tea tree oil with her and scrubbed my shower glass door with it to try to remove the bloody calcified stuff that wont come off it. Rude or what?

Just to enthrall you further, I have told my real estate agent that when the turf goes down I am not paying for water usage until it is good and growing. Bugger that!

I could rave on and on but I wont because you might never come back again....

It would be nice if some people BLOGGED OCCASIONALLY though

xxxxx

Yuk

Am having a shitter of a week

I am exhausted

Havent had an actual stay at home do nothing type day off for 4 weeks now and I am feeling it badly

Seem to have anxiety issues whenever I get my period these days too...which is too often anyway

Its not fair to be laying in bed reading and then have to get up due to palpitations and hot flashes and impending feelings of doom

Am thinking that tiredness is just exagerrating this also

Whatever, I am OVER it

Sick to bloody death of feeling like shit every day

and then being up all night

I am a zombie

But my mother has clean windows

Intelligent me did organise a cleaning spree for yesterday as she was getting majorly depressed and stressed by the filthy windows. Mother is a very clean woman and is frustrated to the max by beibg too weak to do these things herself. So, in order to save younger brother who has to live with her's sanity we all went and did a blitz....sparkling windows and mother now and that is nice

Shame I cant move.....

oh shut up Michelle and stop whinging

I WANT TO GO TO BED AND SLEEP

FOR A VERY LONG TIME

GRRRRRRRRRRR