eyes wide open....

I am back

a little bit heart broken

a little sunburned, freshly washed in the sea, sand in strange places :D

eyes wide open now......

I have driven for miles and miles, not quite sure where to be.....not wanting to be home, not wanting to be there, not wanting to be anywhere I was really.....

I walked so many miles along the coastline yesterday that my legs just wouldn't go any

further this morning....

so beautiful there, so beautiful and quiet and clean

I swam, I fished, I saw eagles this morning......being chased by crows :D

I sang loudly to the wide open empty, I danced with a pelican in the sand :)

the rain fell

the sun broke through

I was left alone

I was held close tight

I feel more whole now

I wrote your name in the sand and let the tide take you back

I said goodbye to her in a way and realised I need to make amends, or at least to make sure I have done this as best I can, before she dies......whenever that may be

I have looked closely at myself and loved me just the way I am.....

I say to you, you must take me as I AM, or leave me the hell alone.....this needed to be said by me to ME.....

I have seen my own growth and seen where I am stuck.....I have unstuck me a little I think

I have made choices somewhere deep inside. .......to take life as it comes right now, to allow me to be held if I am lonely, to be held up if I am falling down, to fall down if my legs wont hold me, to get back up again, to seek help if I am confused, to say goodbye when I am not really wanted.

All hard, all necessary.......

eyes wide wide open

oh god, and so afraid

time to stop running now