Friday, July 17, 2009

Fly day....


You know when you get a day every now and again

A day when anything seems possible?

I am having one of those days today

I quite like it too :)

I have probably sold another house....*smug grin*

I am currently working my way through a mountain of files and landlords, getting organised for the 'take over' which should be in a couple of weeks

Today is mum's last chemo......bittersweet really, she has been pretty sick this week

Yep, my life is full

My heart is full

My house is full too....of weird ass teenage girls (see pic)

Teenage girls who like to walk in the rain at night with out umbrella's (of which I have none, all dead) but who obviously don't like to get their 'do's' wet.......

The sun is out, in between rainfalls...(some of which have been almost like sleet)

It is snowing somewhere close and bloody freezing cold...

Life is about as good as it gets for this now......

and is about to get very different too

How exciting!

argh

I found this quote on Diane's blog and I like it so much I have stolen it

There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do...

Freya Stark


Too bloody true!



Thursday, July 16, 2009

Just Stuff....


I've been thinking again

yes

be afraid

A topic of thought of mine this week has been abuse

and the ripple effects of abuse

and the difficulty of escaping it

and sometimes even seeing it for what it is

and how people use things to hold power over other people

and how if you love someone

really really love someone

from your heart

you could never do that to them

Mostly, in my experience, abuse stems from fear

The abuser, in a convoluted way, uses the abuse to hang on to the thing they believe they love/want/need/own.

Ownership is definitely an issue too.

Trouble is you can't own people, or make them love you by force, coercion, submission or will.......if someone tells you what you want to hear because they are afraid of you, well, how much bullshit is that?

Only when the abused step away from this, do they see it for what it is, not an expression of love or need, but a statement of ownership.

And shame, good old shame, I lived with that demon for a long time....

Shame is a cyclic thing. The abused feels shame for allowing the abuse. The abuser feels shame for perpetrating the abuse. They both usually manage to create a cycle in which each of them makes excuses for the abuser, so each of them can stay the same without having to do the scary change thing......

....and yeah

Nothing changes if nothing changes.....

and that's a choice that adults can make for themselves, but who else suffers??

The children of course....

those who have no choice

but to grow up in the cycle

to believe that it's normal

and go out and do it all over again

to be stuck in it forever

or to grow up and out of it

Change........ just how scary is it really??

Isn't staying the same just as frightening??

When you get to that point, where you are wondering what the hell the point is....

Change......that's where it happens

All a choice.....

Truth!

Anyway, enough of that now

I have been slack on the blog front this week

Sorry :)

Life has been a tad intense

Trying to wind up the business stuff and selling a few houses has been time consuming for me

Just being has been time consuming also

It's school holidays and my house is a wreck

This will be time consuming eventually but I'm trying not to think about it right now.......grrr

I have been doing the do, getting stuff done, but my mind is elsewhere really

Am struggling with the no smoking a bit these past few days

but I will get better.....

I am stronger than that, I know

Getting there.....

sigh


Tuesday, July 14, 2009

The run around....

A new pet....Spanish I believe, turns up in strange places


I have been a slack ass blogger I know

However, I have good reasons

Mainly that I've been selling lots of houses

and all the stuff that comes with that....

guess the universe is sending us out with a bang!

frik

and also I have been at mums quite a bit

My sister is here and chemo was Friday

I dunno whats what with these steroids but I'm glad this Friday is it for them!

Seems gin rummy is the order of the day and I have lost a lot at it

Except for when I kicked ass :)

So, you see there isn't much to blog about

even though I haven't had time to breath

Today I am a day off!

Which will firstly see me in the office at 7.30am getting a sale away....blerk

before going to the hairdressers to get ungreyed and then to lunch

woo hoo

I promise I will blog something worth reading soon...

(famous last words)

and if I've missed something important of yours.....

well, I'll be there asap


Monday, July 13, 2009

aarrghhhhh

I will blog later!

I am very very busy making a fortune for someone else :)

Too damn cool for school.......

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Saturday Schmatterday.....

My Shelli (aged 9)....always a fairy :)


You know it's Saturday

and I am a high powered house selling machiiiiiinnnnnnne........

today

ahem

Well, I am!

I

also

wish

I

was

in England

I hear its quite warm there right now :)


Friday, July 10, 2009

Freaky Friday....


Last night I was a headache

Today I have a headache

Tomorrow........

well who knows what tomorrow will bring

as long as its not a headache, right

Sister arrived last night

so she is doing chemo with mum today

and I am here in this farking office again

still

Today I am feeling a little silly

and very very tired

In fact, I am so tired I am almost delirious

But its day 5 people, or is it 6???

I have lost track....

and I STILL haven't actually maimed or killed anyone

ex is coming today though :)

hee heeh hee


Thursday, July 09, 2009

yeah....


Some days the truth just burns.....

There are times in my life, hopefully every damn day, that I can be quite naive

I actually like it like that you know....

If I ever wake up one day and the world looks like a place where everything is shrouded in a cloud of cynicism and my internal self says "oh nothing new will ever happen to you my girl, there are no miracles here...." well, guess that's the day I'd like to get off this planet....

I like the way that a part of me can still expect great things

Can still look for the magic in the mundane

Can still believe in fairies.....

I find myself looking at these people who claim to know me better than I know myself, this family of mine who have somehow managed to witness my life and yet not actually see much of it at all. Who still look at me and expect the same me from 20 years ago to pop out of hiding and this me (who must be an illusion!) to disappear into the world of false Michelle's......

This me couldn't possibly cope with all this stuff......nooooooooooo

Well, excuse me.......

What the fuck is it I am doing here then?????

Save me the she can't handle it jazz, just bring it on and get it over with already!

Lets get some real in here shall we.....

pft!