Thursday, December 31, 2009

Endings and new beginnings and all that other stuff in the middle......

I've been thinking this morning....sitting here looking out of my window, pondering the way the world works and how the universe always seems to know better than I do....

How when I let go and let god, things just happen, exactly the way I didn't expect them to, but exactly the way they should.

And I wonder what the lesson is going to be this time, because it seems there always is one, isn't there. Right now the lesson seems to be that by just letting go and going with the flow and not forcing any issue, things just get better. Internally.

I have been forced to look at and experience powerless this past couple of years. I have been forced to look at and experience where running on MY will gets me.....and I have been forcefully reminded that I came here with a plan already in progress and I will not be diverted, no matter how hard I try :)

So, things are feeling back on the right track.....better than on the right track actually, things are feeling as though they are gliding.............this is kinda weird but very very nice

I like it like that :)

Happy New Year my friends. I love you!

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Goosebumps in the summertime......

Guess I've been a bit quiet on here this past week or so

That's because I have been a bit busy.....and also a bit reluctant to blog about what's going on for me.

Somethings don't need blogging about really.

Suffice it to say I am feeling loved.

Mum had a CT scan yesterday, results to be known on Monday. She is looking pretty sick and skinny and having as many bad as good days right now.

Life goes on relentlessly as usual.....

I am grateful for a lot of things today, I am feeling a lot more settled inside myself mostly, I still have my moments of madness and want to run like a maniac.....but on the whole, things are good and I am happy here, in my heart.

Today I am off for a haircut and lunch with my lucky am I???

Tuesday, December 29, 2009


I would pass on a wisdom
to you, child
I would say that
can do damage
more so than
a bullet
some days

your mouth is still smoking

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Are we there yet????

I am peeking out from behind the lounge (sofa) and hoping that it is all stopped now :)

I'm exhausted and almost ready to slap my little mother's backside for her.....

It's been a nice couple of days and Christmas has passed in a whirl

Today I am escaping into town ......I doubt they will even notice I am gone.....snort

*tiptoes quietly up to car.....*

BTW...all of the kittens now have good homes and I am sooooo grateful. NEVER will I have to have kitty litter indoors again! Woo hoooooooooooooo

My new 'friend', henceforth to be known as HDTH (HowDidThatHappen) has a new little fluffy grey addition to his household which has won me points with his girls and him even more points with mine......(that is all I'm going to say about that, except yeah, I'm still grinning :)

Ummm, I scored 'right good' from Santa and am now the proud owner of many more things than I had two days ago...

I have eaten far too many Maltezers, thanks to HDTH, grrrr, and now must run for 100 hours on Harry and will surely die before the day has even begun.......

My big girl Tahni is here and I can see her from where I sit right now, this makes me happy indeed, and one of her priests is taking the black kitten which also makes me happy, did I mention hating the smell of kitty litter? Erghhhhhh...I don't mind if the priest makes the cat Catholic....I wonder if they would mind sending my baby back now?

It is cool and raining here today people, not Christmas weather at all! I should be dying of heat exhaustion and going to the beach! My suntan is fading away fast.....

I am going to get my dragonfly tattoo this week. I cant decide between my back and my wrist...input please???

I need a haircut.......

My life is feeling pretty good

What more can I ask for?

Peace on earth sounds okay to me

Bring it on universe, bring it on....

*laughs and claps hands*

Saturday, December 26, 2009


I have nothing to say today except Happy Holidays.....

I have a big grin in my heart and another one on my face

Today is for loving and eating ......

Hoping all of my friends out there are having a safe and happy holiday

Friday, December 25, 2009

Oh yeah!

I have had the most awesome 24 hours.....

and it ain't over yet people

nope, not by a long shot

Hoping you are all having a lovely Christmas and that your lives are filled with just as much good stuff as mine is today :D

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Getting down to it.....

10 things I am grateful for today

  1. My kids and their infinite patience (snort) with their crazy mumma
  2. Blue dresses and dragonflies
  3. Christmas with mum
  4. Lisa and Nat and Jen and Kerry just because they love me
  5. the ability to think straight and love well (do NOT snort here people)
  6. morphine
  7. Dr W
  8. Christopher having my back
  9. Poetry
  10. Paint
  11. You, yes, you.....
It's Christmas Eve!

Have a beautiful day..........

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Leading with my heart......

I'd like to say I've been thinking and regale you with some wonderful wisdom here.....

but I haven't been thinking.....

I have been feeling though

and just for right now, feeling feels far more important to me than thinking

I've been living in my head for far too long now

Time to get back into my body, into this real world and into something and someone other than myself......

I am in the process of making some internal decisions here but I am not giving it any thought what-so-ever.....

My heart is talking to me and I am listening....

Funnily enough, my head agrees with my heart so I guess that must be okay then :)

I am so comfortable here it is quite quite weird......

think I'll just kick back and enjoy this ride.....

Sometimes, when you stop running and sit very still, something else gets a chance to tap you on the shoulder...

Oh yeah....

Just for today I will live my life filled with a sense of wonder and joy and be truly grateful for the love I am shown and am able to give.
I will be fully present in each and every moment and lead with my heart....

Bring it on God

Bring it on

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Eyes wide open.....

6 am here in the land of me and mine

It's a bit damp out there and the birds are singing away furiously

I am feeling a little bit good :)

Last night I went to meeting and it was pretty confronting. Not because of anything that was said really, just because of people. The rumours should be flying thick and fast by now.....

I have seen and told my ex this week, just so he won't get a rude shock, that I am seeing someone he knows......end of my responsibility there I think.

My old sponsor was at the meeting last night too. That was interesting and bought up a few rude feelings as well. I think I need to have it out with her, in some way, shape or form. I want her to know that I know exactly who she is and that she needn't think I forget. Then maybe I can forgive. Maybe it shouldn't work like that but you know what, I don't care. I have been walked all over for the last time in this life.

There are aspects of my life today that need letting go of. Aspects of myself that I have been worrying about. Like where my head can take me if I allow it full rein. This year has proven to me that that can be scary stuff. Only because it is so very not real at times you know. And I want real. I need it.

It can be hard, when I am interacting with another person, for me not to buy into their view to the exclusion of mine. I need to remember that too.

I need to remember that I, just as I AM, am plenty good enough for anything or anyone.

Anything at all.

I have also been encouraged to think about the future just lately, the future after this bit, and that has been strange too. To really realise that this will end one of these days and that there are all sorts of possibilties out there......that this particular existance is not all I have to look forward to, because some days it feels like this is all there is. And while I need to stay in the day and be present for this, I don't like feeling trapped in someone elses nightmare. So, yeah, that is interesting too.

I am really going to work on that somehow. The feeling trapped thing. I realised when I was sharing last night that I haven't really been coming from my heart with this stuff for a little while now. And that is why I feel off balance and not centered so often. I came here to do this 'job' and I would really love to be doing it the best I can. I actually am doing it physically as best I can usually, but my head is a whole different story as you people well know. I don't like that about me right now.
I also don't know how to make it different. Am I supposed to just willingly give up any selfishness and hand every waking moment over to the care of others? Do I not go anywhere or do anything exclusively for me? Or is it just about attitiude? I am fucked if I know somedays. Yet there are other days when it is all just fine and I forgive myself for having one foot out the door half the time. This is not easy and I just want to be able to say, one day, that I did it well.
And to know it in my heart.
But my heart struggles somedays.
So, I dunno......

On other fronts, I am enjoying a certain someone in my life right now. Somehow I need to juggle that into all of this as well, because I like it, I really really like it. A lot. It feels real and right and good, so far, and that is a bit strange too, for various reasons that just don't seem to matter.

Ahhhh, I don't know.....I really do not know anything much at all right now.

I'm just doing one day at a's all I've got that makes sense some days :)

Have a good one peeps. I will.....

I stand here
very still
willing you
touch me

when you do
my skin laughs

I would drown there

I need to watch that :)

Monday, December 21, 2009

Right here, right now?

Sometimes, when you ask the universe specifically for something that you want, you get it.

Then, when you get it you look at it for a little while, turn it over in your hands, this way, that way, upside down, inside out......and you wonder about whether or not you actually really wanted it at all and how on earth are you going to give it back.

But sometimes, when you ask the universe to give you what it knows you need, it does.
And you just know it.
And it's weird.

I am having one of those weeks where everything I do and am is right here in the moment.
It feels good and I'm liking this a lot for now.

Oh yes, a very lot indeed.......:)

Just sayin'....

Have a great Monday people.

Sunday, December 20, 2009


So, here we are, Sunday again in the land of me

I am going into town to do stuff today, escaping from here.....yay

Going to a meeting, maybe to the beach, maybe for lunch....I dunno, maybe whatever

I may be going for a ride on a Harley too :)

Yesterday was a nice day. I got the jobs done at mum's place, a friend (yes, that one) came over and we all went to mum's for dinner and then played scrabble (:)) and cards with her, which she liked and so did I.....was a nice evening again. I could get used to that....

Ummmm, Kerry picked up her baby cat......I haven't wrapped a single present, I think I have got them all though so that's sayin' something.

That's about it folks, I am boring......

Have a great day, I'm certainly going to be trying to

Saturday, December 19, 2009

And the band played tra la la......


Saturday.....the sky is full of clouds and it's kinda cool here this morning

That could be good seeings as my day will be full of doing stuff at mums to get ready for the Christmas family, next week is Christmas again, how did that happen?

This year has gone by so quickly for me, on the whole. It feels I have come a million miles in some respects, especially the last few months.......I hope so anyway, I certainly wouldn't like to have to do any of those head miles again :)

I guess I have been dreading this Christmas in a way, because it will the last one with mum unless a miracle happens, because it was always a time frame marker, because of a few reasons. But as it is I am just feeling grateful that she is here again, and we get to do this one more time. Without the stress of last years giant hoo ha. This should be fairly laid back and just nice. My brother is coming, Tahni is coming, and my sister and her hubby too. That's it really, except for ex husband for a few hours Christmas Day, with his new kids. How civilised, yes? :)

I'm not really sure how I am supposed to feel in all this you know, and it's really hard sometimes, but on the whole I am just so glad to be here, doing the do, as best I can mostly, and even though it's hard for the kids out here, I am glad they get to do it too. In the long run, they will be too I hope.

My mind turns, at times, to what the future may hold.
To where I will go when all of this is done and dusted, to what I want from my life....and you know, that stuff just all seems not so urgent, and I am trying not to think about it too much.
Things can change in moment and I am not locking myself into any particular expectation right now.
There is movement around me, things are changing and strangely enough, I feel comfortable in all that.
I have learned, over time, that change is a good thing.
Change brings growth and clears out the dead wood in my life.
Change can be confronting and uncomfortable too at times, but ultimately, when things start moving in my world, I get to grow some more.
I don't always like the process but I do end up liking me more than I did when I started.

So, yeah, once again universe.....bring it on.

Just in case you wanted to know, I had a really nice night last night

Have a nice Saturday friends :)

Friday, December 18, 2009


The truth of me......

You said
you wanted me
and I smiled
I saw
you thought I was
this body
the truth
of me
is in the ether


I will meet you there
nowhere at all

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Hot hot hot........

Oh my god!!!!!!!!!!

It's like a zillion degrees here tonight and I cannot even get tired because it is just too damn hot......

Tonight looks like it's gonna be long and sleepless.....sigh


I have a date tomorrow night people.....

I'm a little bit excited about that....

I like a guy who rings me 4 times a day and tells me he likes me lots.....

but I'm funny like that.....


On other fronts?

Mum is traveling okay.....pain is mostly under control even though she is being kept awake at night with a strange new leg/hip pain, she is a bit stoned all the time and she has been eating....

I made a king prawn risotto last night that was to die for....if you are nice I will invite you over one day and feed it to you :)

Ummm, I have been and had coffee's and shopped today, left my swimmers on my bed so I didn't get to the beach......

I spent too much money on blue skirts and a dress .....

I am having issues with Harry, in that I don't like him much so he gives me a run for my money these days. Unfortunately he is NOT running my arse off fast enough, as in it will still be there tomorrow

I bought myself the KD Lang Hymns of the 49th Parallel CD today....I dunno if I like it or not, I know I like Hallelujah and I like a couple more of them but it isn't as good as I had hoped. Oh well, you get that I suppose

Ahhhhh, I am just talking drivel here.....

might go scrub the roof


Wednesday, December 16, 2009


It is late.....I am tired

The day has been long

Something is going on here.....

I'm not quite sure what it is but it sure is interesting I can tell you that

All that running I've been doing?

It's stopped

My 'inner' me has stopped dead in her tracks and is just standing here with a grin on her face.....


Too weird people, a little too weird

Where's my head at......!!!!!

Oh god it's Wednesday again!

That just keeps happening.....

yep, feeling a little nuts today people

I promise I have a good reason....


It's hot

It's windy......grrrrr

I'm also bored, my day has consisted, so far, of me reading the riot act to filthy tenants who leave houses in terrible states and then I have to be mean to them and make them go clean up their own shit.....poor poor babies!

Somebody save me pleeeeeease!


I don't have to work tomorrow or the next 3 days after that and that is cool


I get about 10 days off over Christmas!! Woo farking hoo!!!!!!


Tomorrow I am going to town to do stuff and maybe (definitely!!) have a coffee with my befri.....any escape is a good thing right now

I might also go to the beach if it is hot like today.....

or not

Meanwhile, I am filling in time here in this orifice and thinking about what to have for dinner
(oh dear god please don't make me have to do that forever) and maybe just a bit about a couple of other issues that are on my mind regarding all the crap that has been going on for me these past few months and how ready I am to deal with some parts of my life just now.

I've been reminded today that people actually read my blog and that, strangely enough, has left me feeling a little vulnerable.

I'll get over it though :)

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Oh snort!

I find it kind of funny that......

  • just when I decide I can live without a man I have several likely prospects prowling around
  • that when I have an opinion and voice it I had better be damned sure it is what I really feel (and it is) be fully aware and prepared to stick to my guns or just shut the hell up in the first place
  • that asking my mum if I can go out on Friday night feels a bit like deja vu and a wee bit silly (said with a scottish accent och aye)
  • That I have lost those 4 kilos as fast as I put them on last week WTF?????????
  • That my ex-husband had to apologise to me for not inviting me to his sons birthday party because my mum and my kids were disgusted with him, and then it turned out that it was her of course, and I wouldn't have gone anyway.....
  • that nothing ever stays the same and yet some things never change
  • that Centrelink have decided to cut my Carer payment on Christmas I am not really a carer??? Now I have to go sort that shiz out too......
  • that in spite of the shit fight out there, in here I feel calm and almost a little bit excited
  • It's beginning to feel a bit like Christmas now that I am going to be broke :D

Snorty snort snort!!!

Stay real's all we have

Giggle snort choke!

I have decided that I don't operate too well on no sleep.....1 am to bed is too late on a week night :)

I had an interesting evening last night.....

Got stuck in major traffic on my way into town which made me an HOUR late for a 90 minute meeting.....then on my way home I had to detour half way around the world due to road works.....

I also got asked out to dinner by a nice fellow and I am going....why bloody not. I have spoken to the elephant slayer and he is done and dusted and also being a gentleman about it.

I found myself in a funny situation last night, and in that I found myself to be pretty comfortable with who I am today, and that was really nice. I gave my number out to a select few people, and asked for numbers in return, which was also cool. I had an interesting conversation with someone with regards to my ex who has been doing a little pole pissing it seems, like I am still his territory.......I think that is now sorted but it could get interesting should I choose to see anyone else from the fellowship, and I have and will be asked out, I know this because I am female and I see it coming.....snort

Lucky I've been made very aware of my 'stuff' now isn't laughing like a loony on the inside is funny and it's all a big game.

Seeing through the illusion is the primary purpose......

have a great day people

Monday, December 14, 2009

Parallel worlds......

It seems to me that I am and have been in a state of flux....

things are shifting, internally, externally......on many many levels

This is exhausting yeah

but also very freeing, and when I can manage to step out of the whirlwind and look in from there I see that I am being called on to put into play the things I have learned along the way so far.

The main thing I see right now is that if I allow myself to get caught up in the madness then I am asking for trouble. When thing start to feel messy I need to step OUT, take a look IN and from OUTSIDE make a decision and then stick to it, whether I am in or out at the time.

(I am pretty sure most of you will know what I mean but if you missed that boat, don't worry, another one will be along in due course.)

Remember when I posted that I had had a talk with mum about stuff a week or so ago, and that I had said what I needed to do.....well, the same talk was had last night with her having no recollection of what had been said previously, just that she has been feeling like I don't want to be here for her.

I sometimes think I am on another planet.

Sigh....anyway, things are sorted yet again, for now. And I had an interesting conversation with a lady yesterday who reminded me that I can complain and whinge and explain how I am feeling till the cows come home but if I am telling the wrong people then I am wasting my breath...snort. By this, she meant that I need to be telling my family when I am feeling inundated by them and overwhelmed and whatever. I need to be saying to them .....hang on a minute, I need a break here. I see the sense in this and will try but it is hard when no one is here to step in.

Shelli is feeling a bit yuk at the moment, and this is probably due to me being out so much lately......guilt? Mum has felt that I don't want to be here anymore.....guilt? I don't know what the others think because they haven't told me but you know, no one asked how I was feeling or why I have been running around like a maniac, they just say how it effected them. Interesting yeah?

So, I will have my two meetings a week, I will take Sundays for me, and Monday nights.

For now, while it is do-able anyway......I am flexible but it appears others need to know exactly what is going on.

Fair enough I guess.

I might need to leave work soon. Mum is dying of loneliness as well.


Sometimes I wish I wasn't here, but not because I don't want to be.

Life on life's terms.....

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Powerful women?

Sometimes people say things to one person, that get read by another person and that person takes offence.

Sometimes I will write or say what I feel and that might make you feel something....

That's actually your stuff to deal with, not mine, but I am sorry if it caused you hurt.

Sometimes you just have to say what you feel, when you feel it.

I have been thinking about opinions and power, and how we define ourselves as powerful and what that actually means to me....

In my opinion, the powerful woman is the one who speaks her mind appropriately, not the woman who points a finger and runs.
The powerful woman will always look to herself and see what part she had to play in the situation.
The powerful woman will not run blindly with the pack, she will stand back and guard the weak and the young.
The powerful woman will speak in the 'I' and not from the 'we' because she knows that she herself is the only one she has any control over.
The powerful woman will admit when she is wrong or if she doesn't know then she will say so.
The powerful woman does not always have to be right.
The powerful woman will fulfill her obligations and will say what she needs to say to a persons face.
The powerful woman will let other people speak without fear and will respect another's opinion may be different from her own.
The powerful woman will know when she is right and stand firm in that, knowing she has done all could and she is open to change because nothing ever stays the same.
The powerful woman doesn't need to justify.

Just my opinion of course.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Ummmm, peace perhaps?

Oh Christmas swan oh christmas swan......lalalallalalaaaaa
Artwork by Kayla Strangeone

Here is a weird thing!

I don't actually have anything to say right now, but it's only because, for this very minute, nothing is in the front of my mind.....

How nice is that!


I will be back later I am sure :)

Friday, December 11, 2009

Done and dusted.....

Well, what a longgggggg day!

But, a good one....

Have been and done the nephew and the mother shop

Then I organised dinner for the ratbags and took myself into town....I was in two minds, should I go play or should I not? I decided that I'm actually not all that interested in 'playing' right now, or in playing just for playings sake. I have decided to say farewell to the elephant slayer too......he was getting a bit damn presumptuous anyway :)

So, yeah, I went for a walk along Nobby's and sang into the wind, got my feet wet, did some drawing (well, unfinished doodling, see above) in the park and then I went to the Women's Meeting where I saw a whole bunch of lovely women I haven't seen for quite a while, one of whom I will be doing some step work with most likely.......ahhhh serendipity

It was someones birthday so we all went out to dinner in Hamilton and that was nice too, except they played such loud music while some bird belly danced that I actually thought my ears were bleeding....grrrrr

Sunday I am taking me out to the Breakwall and sending a certain pair of earrings off to a watery grave.......

In doing that I will have cut all ties......that might just be peaceful.

After that I'm just leaving it up to the universe. No more meddling from me.......I'm just going to do what needs to be done, the best way I know how......that's all I can do isn't it.

I feel centered and actually quite peaceful inside me.

The stars are very beautiful out there tonight........

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Angels and demons....

This is our Christmas Swan...we are a bit strange at our house

Thank god it is the other end of this went on forever!

I think I feel a bit better now.
I came home early tonight, after doing the dinner run at mum's and cleaned a few things in my house, like the oven and the damn bathroom, that have been bugging me every time I passed them on my way out the bloody door....

I think I need to just stop awhile you know.....catch up with myself a little, it has been a rather intense month for me and I am very very tired.
I don't expect anybody else to understand why really, not my family anyway, none of them have a clue where I have come from because they haven't experienced it themselves.
This is also the case for some of my friends.
That is just fine with me.....I need people with other perspectives than mine to show me how to be different.

Plus, I need to get my own space in order a little too.
My house is not how I like it to be.
The kids do a pretty good job of it and I am grateful for that, but it's not a mum job, you know? Bits get missed :)
Lots of bits.......

(It's been 5 months since I had a cigarette now!)

There is something really weird going on with my body an unexplained weight gain of about 5 kilos, pretty much overnight, for no real reason?
I have only been eating stupidly for a few days, not enough to explain this, my feet and ankles are swollen and my belly too......I am going to juice fast for a few days and see if that helps and if not, well, the doctor will be seeing me next week.
This is very unlike my normal body behaviour so it warrents a bit of worry I think.
We will see........maybe there is a physical reason for me feeling so fucking out there?

Whatever, I have decided to calm the hell down and chill out a bit.
I don't have to do everything in a minute.
Things will do themselves regardless and I have some other important stuff to do too.
Like put my nephew on a plane home tomorrow morning and take mum to the maul to shop.......groannnnnnnnn :)

Anyway, that's it for me today, my bed beckons........

You wanna know something else??

Chocolate, alcohol, cigarettes and Rob's are just no damn good for me.....

'night night people

Running on empty....still

I wish I knew a magic trick that would make me feel better today

I am extremely unmotivated, I am overeating in a ridiculous way and I am sick to death of myself

I know that the food thing is yet another face of my addiction come up for a bite of me.....I am doing something about that starting today, but what I want to know is WHY?

Why have I been inundated with every facet of my fucking 'dark side' this past month or so?

Why am I feeling so empty?

Why aren't the same things that have kept me going for the last two years enough now?

Is it just the way I am looking at things?

Probably.....and yeah I can get to gratitude and I can take back my power and I can see and see and fucking well see where I fall down.....yep, I can do all that.......


I guess some masks and blinkers have been removed from me. I guess I have some empty spaces, that I created when I let go of stuff, to fill with healthier things?

I just wish I had the energy........

Well, get this universe......

I have had enough now. I need some respite. Next week I am telling my sister I need her to come down for a couple of weeks after Christmas so I can just do whatever the hell I want to....without the guilt.

I might figure out what it is that I actually want.....because I don't have a clue.

I am in a place of not trusting myself or my own judgement after reviewing where I have taken me this past year.....maybe that is it?


Courage to change the things I can???

Wisdom to know the difference???


I am confused, I am in pain, I don't know what to do and I am sick of it.

I want off this pity pot!

Today I pray for clarity.....

and balance



because, to be honest with me and you, I feel like I am teetering dangerously on the edge of depression here......and I can't afford that, I don't have the fucking luxury of retreating into myself to lick my fucking wounds and I guess that pisses me off too.

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Infinite patience, my arse.....

I have nothing to say...

I am tired

I am cranky

I am sad

I am


I would quite like to slap a few faces as well....


Tuesday, December 08, 2009

inside and out

I had a lovely morning with my friends eating brekky and drinking lots of coffees

Then I had to go to the maul and shop for Christmas.....I got a park in 5 minutes and wandered around the' not all that busy considering its Christmas' shopping centre, I have now got pretty much 95% of my shopping done.....

I actually have had a pretty awful day on the inside though

I found that sometime yesterday I moved back into myself, into my centre......I am very tired in here from all the running and I am incredibly sad. I know I am feeling a lifetimes worth of sadness here and it isn't just about any one thing, or even any recent thing, it just seems to me that I have all this sad that has been buried in me for ever and ever and on some level I have decided it is time for me to feel it....

I went to the beach for an hour or so and got blown around this afternoon.....I drove to a meeting tonight and it was on step 2.....*grin*.....yeah, I think I believe by now......

I did some reading on step 6, and I drove......

I had my music blaring and I sang my damn heart out whilst doing 120 k's an hour and crying felt good!

Then I drove some more and handed every damn thing I could think of over to god.....

Then I listed every defect I could think of that I ever indulge in and asked for them to be felt like a good and right time and I am so sick of turmoil

I will write on this stuff as it comes up and I will continue to ask but I have to start somewhere

I was wrong...

The other day
I nodded my head
agreed with you
intimated your correctness
let you believe it was so
handed you that power on my plate
I don't know why I did that

you were wrong

Blah blah blah

I don't have anything much to say today

So I won't say anything much

Far be it from me to make something up just to entertain you lot :)

I am very tired.....

Today I am a shopping for SPF, a coffee with Lisa and a spaying of the cat

How fun!

snort x 45678

I might sneak some beach in there......

I assume the sun will come out later, its hard to tell at 6 am somedays


Have a nice day people.......

Monday, December 07, 2009

Standing here......

I will stand
I stand fast
in this resolve to stand
just what it is I stand for
I am not sure
but I sure am standing firm
aren't I
In my head is a
I like it there
in between
one step
before absolution
one step
away from power
one step
beyond ignorance
in this
in between
and remembering
how to fly

Well bite my bum and call me Agnes!

You can do whatever you want, whenever you just need to change what you want!

How true is that!

I stole that off a comment on Kerry's blog, left by Breeze, by the is my mantra for today!

Another thought I have had this morning is that, while I like to think that I am a complex and mysterious person, what I actually am is simply a shiny spirit hidden under many layers of human crap.

The simpler I keep it, the less complex I become, the shinier I am.......


Shine on people........