Friday, November 28, 2008
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
That is me
Still, things are on the move
Mother rang the 'offer guy' and told him if he was still interested she would accept his previous offer
He will let us know
This would still mean I am here for another 3 months doing the do but hey, thats not so long a tunnel is it
And he would have to pay me!
How exciting...money and everything
Little brother is possibly going to buy a townhouse that mum used to own and which is on the market for a ridiculous amount due to a repo
This would solve several worries as well, such as where thay would live if she sells her house, which she will have to, and where brother will live when the inevitable happens
So, things may be moving along here
But today is still today and here I am
I still dont like tenants
and after the 3 months if the guy buys I will only work part time, if he wants me, because this full time caper is ridiculous and I am so over it indeed
So people, sending positive selling energy to the orifice please....
and keep your legs crossed!!
There is some pretty feral energy in the air at the moment
I have had so many abused/battered women come in and apply for houses just lately....I wish they wouldnt tell me the story because if I didnt know it I could help them....I cant put someone in a house when the man will come and rip it apart though can I.
There are people screaming at each other in the street outside right now and I find it disturbing...I remember when it was me....bloody hell.
Christmas...merry merry merry heh....bollocks
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
and so on
I am tired and wired
not a good combo
My house is a mess
My head is a mess
My kids are a mess
My bank account would be a mess if there was anything in it
Still, it could be worse couldn't it
I heard someone say on the weekend that if you do good things but dont do them from a 'nice' heartspace then they dont count
Does that mean that hating this orifice renders my reason for doing it useless????
What a crock
I am going home to do my washing, eat pizza and chocolate and bleed a lot
By the way
I bought Shelli a kitten yesterday
from a bloody pet shop
expensive little bugger but oh so cute
I am a sucker indeed
She called it 'Crabsticks'
Its a little fluffy ginger grey and white tortoiseshell half persian pretty who deserves a name like "Princess" or some such thing
Crabsticks my arse.....
maybe she named it after me??
Thursday, November 20, 2008
- up at 5.45 for a change
- coffees and things
- get dressed in trackdaks as mother is to be ready at 8.50 for picking up so I can go do something which I will explain later
- 8.30 am mother rings and says she will be ready for picking up at 9.50 as she had 'some things to do'
- run around like hairy arsed blogger getting ready to open business not dressed in tracky daks
- open orifice and smile calmly and politely at people whilst thinking rude things
- 9.50 pick up mother
Dont you love it when your teenage girls are old enough to do their own washing??
Yes indeed it is a treat......
EXCEPT for when they leave a towel in the sink that has the plughole in it that the washing machine water goes down and the water from a load of washing set on high even though it contained ONE school blouse overflows your sink and goes all over the laundry floor that has no drain it and therefore slops out onto your carpet and goes through walls onto your carpet and does indeed make the carpet a virtual swimming pool with suds in it and so you must of course get the water out of the carpet as soon as possible by going to get your mothers water sucking device and it doesn't work so then you go to Coles and pay $32 to hire a water sucking up device and spend a few hours of your day sucking up water whilst the heavens open up and pee down rain and you leave the car windows open because it is sunny when you get out of the car but whilst you are VERY NOISILY sucking up water ( and you have a puppy that doesnt like water sucking device noise so therefore barks loudly the entire time you are doing it so no wonder you dont hear the thunder) - a storm descends and you don't even notice until the seats of the car are as wet as the carpet and isnt it lucky you have a water sucking device after all...................
so, I would have preferred to buy a new blouse and/or even sewed one from scratch or something but my day has been lovely
I love my day
and my life
*grin with teeth bared and gritted and probably gritty too*
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
I am putting it out there that I would like Friday and Saturday off
From the universes lips to mothers ear please
I KNOW she is feeling pretty good this week
I WANT 2 DAYS OFF OR I WILL CHUCK ONE!
I will most likely commit murder otherwise
but I am not whinging
Just stating a fact
Other people have REAL problems today
Poor little Kyah has passed over this morning and her family must be broken hearted
I have been following her story for weeks now after seeing the link on Toni's blog.
She is free now
Poor brave little miss
I feel for her mum and dad and her brothers though
They have to stay and deal with the pain
after so long dealing with hers
Life can be so sad can it not
and happy too
We need to appreciate the in betweens more
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
If you go flying back through time, and you see somebody else flying forward into the future, it's probably best to avoid eye contact.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes, that way when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason....
Sorry about that witches...ahem
Just call this crazy Tuesday!!
What a shit of a day....I hate tenants.....really...I do
Someone should shoot the lot of them
I may volunteer for that...
Monday, November 17, 2008
Did have a nice weekend though
Closed early on Saturday and went to the festival here on the 'foreshore'
You know, 3 rides and some stalls and a really crappy band etc
Was fun and something different
Darlin did buy me a xmas present which I have promptly forgotten about so I cant tell you what it is
Art exhibition at the club...went to that too
I will be in it next year dammit!
And so should you be elf...
Did some house work and cleaned the puppyson who is very cute and shiny again and cut off his fluffy bits so now he doesnt look like a barrell on legs. Three people told me he was fat this week! He is not FAT he is growing hair sideways in a curl....bosh.
A wet puppyson is sleek
and he is also very naughty and very attached to me...as in I leave the room and he whinges and needs to follow me everywhere and sit on my foot
Darlin is happy because I gave him a massage after he mowed everybodies and their dogs lawns
(dont laugh Mary, its NOT funny)
Poor man thinks I have forgotten his existance I am sure and at times he is right
But usually I am just asleep with my eyes open
I am hungry
I am always hungery lately
Whats with that??
Grrrrr...pants will get short again soon
Saturday, November 15, 2008
computer is on go slow and I cant even open my own blog
My life today??
House is a mess
orifice is causing me to be comatose
on a bright note
Mums friend Lyn is back in town
this may mean I get some days off
I am ready to burn down the building though
so sick of doing nothing all day
Its NOT good for me
Thursday, November 13, 2008
I know Red mother is asking too..
and the funny tummy
and the lethargy
and the muzzy head
and the undertension (is a word now) that is running full time
this is more than tired and exhausted etc
Something weird is going on and I want to know WHAT!
and yes Mary, I did read it but I would like to know more.
That is all.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Sunday, November 09, 2008
but hey that ok
Actually she had a friend over last night so I assumed I could sleep and did,
all night, until for some strange reason Kayla rang the home phone
(which was next to my head) by accident from her iphone
at 1.11 am......bloody
And of course I woke at 6am because that is what happens when you
wake at 1.11am and think the phone is your alarm and accidentally
turn it on whilst trying to turn it off, if you know what I mean...
so, yawn, again.
My house smells like dog
Must do something about that
Darlin is coming today and its raining and blah of course because it is my
day off you know
Must bath dog and do some washing so rain is not helpful at all
Must get grass mowed before dog disappears in it, rain is not helpful oh no
Think I might go back to bed now and think about it for a while...
Friday, November 07, 2008
Child has slept again, though she was a bit down last night.
Due to the 'down' I was up
Several times during the night to check on her
I observed that I dreamed a lot and assume this is due to me never
quite reaching the theta state
I wish I could remember the dreams because they were frikken frustrating
I wonder why.....
I think everyone has cancer in them and I was probably waking up all
night in my dream checking on them to make sure they werent killing themselves
So, I am obviously tired
Poor Kayla is having a problem with school
In that she doesnt want to go
and for days now I have had to wake and shake her and make her go
This morning I woke her and she informed me that she wasnt going
Im afraid I said quite loudly and sternly "oh bloody grow up"
and left the room
and you know what
she got up, got dressed and went to school??
Today I must go and do the Tribunal court do
I have never done it before and Im hoping its ok if I swear a lot and
tell the judge that the bitch is a filthy mole and doesnt deserve her
bond back if thats okay.....
Thursday, November 06, 2008
And no drugs last night either
Psychologist appointment was okay, with much discussion around
sleep and diet and exercise and why these things are important
I see that I need to apply some of these to myself as well
Coffee with my mary was enlightening too, in such that I am really
beginning to see that perhaps I have been a little harsh with Darlin lately
Nobody is bloody perfect are they so why should I expect him to be
This doesnt mean I am wrong
Just a bit ridiculous sometimes
And maybe using him as my whipping post at times without realising it,
because I can, if you know what I mean. At least he isnt going to die on
me or slash up his self if I offend him is he.
Enough pity pot really
Life goes on
even if one does set the alarm for 2 am so one can sneak up and make sure
MadamS is REALLY asleep
One good thing, I think she shocked herself with this last lot. They dont
look nice and they wont go away and every time I dress them she feels
like heaving and has to sit down
Im taking that as a positive at this point
bit different from scratches that will fade in time
And I keep saying so too
She IS female and vain after all
I have to go to the Tenancy Tribunal tomorrow and get a bond off a filthy
pig who should have known better then had the hide to object to the
cleaning and repairs we had to claim.
How many holes in walls and filthy everythings can you expect to be fixed
when sent back 3 times??
None, but you can change a flyscreen and expect the holes etc to be
Hrmph I say
puppy school is a nightmare and dogs that sleep under your chair and fart should be shot at dawn
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
He said she went to sleep!
I hope she stayed asleep but havent woken her yet so dont know
Appointment with psychologist today
then coffee with Maryme
Have booked Shell and mum on a flight to sister in Byron next Wednesday for a week
I hope that happens ans she is ok enough to go
A change of enviroment will be good for her at the moment
and a week of sleep and not doing her or mum will be good for me
Please please please let it happen
Puppy school tonight
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Gave her one fully expecting her to sleep as she was exhausted
she stayed awake all night and sliced her arm up yet again
this time deep enough that she will be looking at the scar when she is 90 years old
If she makes it that far
Im afraid I yelled at her a bit this morning
in between giving her a hug and putting butterfly stitches on the cuts
and then I sent her to school because I am sick of it and her isolating herself
Now I am waiting for her counsellor to ring me and tell me what the fuck I should
The quack says no way to double doses of temazapan
and I quite agree
so I will sit up tonight until she sleeps
and I will wake her at 6am everyday and not let her sleep ever except at night
eventually she will crash and sleep and her body will do as I say wont it!
Of course, I dont need sleep and am invincible...
...and CSV has been apologised to and the head nun honcho person has told
them that she can come home whnever she bloodywell needs to!
Im just in the mood for a fight right now
Monday, November 03, 2008
decided to grant me the carers allowance I have been applying for
since December last year.
Of course, they are back paying till 3 weeks ago....hmmmmm...GRRRRRR
Anyway, we will be grateful for small, and I mean small, things will we not.
I also had an interesting convo with CSV regarding the giant shitfit
argument she is having with her 'powers that be' in regards to being
able to come home when needed. Part of this was due to her 'loving'
supervisor telling her that it was 'no wonder' Shelli was having these
problems inferring that it was because of me and also the lovely lady
enquired if Tahni was perhaps schizophrenic herself as she was not
consistent in herself at all times???
Are we on the same planet here????
Tahni, being her mothers daughter immediatley asked said woman if
she had been to uni and accquired her MD and was qualified to diagnose
ones mental state and also informed her that perhaps she may well just
go and apply for a scholarship for uni herself next year as she would need
something to live on considering the 'establishment' had taken
all of her money.....
The upshot of this being that they have called someone in and are having all
sorts of meetings regarding Tahnis suitability to be an 'assistant numerary'
or whatever the frik it is that she is supposed to be being
She then proceeded to tell her that she had indeed learnt from myself
and her grandmother that she didnt have to take shit from anyone...hehe
Mum and I are going to go down and kill someone soonish after we
write to the pope of course regarding verbal abuse of youing
people in 'his' care....
but really, is this maybe not a wonderful thing???
Maybe I will get some prayers answered here regarding my big
baby's decisions so far in life???
last night in spite of the 10mg of temazipan in her system. maybe to do
with the double dose of antidepressant?
Dont know but Im sure Dr will tell me today
I spent yesterday chucking a shit fit with ex husband who,
in response to an email from me asking if his phone finger
was broken and was that why he hadnt rang the girls for
3 weeks, was to inform me that we only ever rang him when
we wanted something and why should he be the one to keep lines
of communication open all the time???? Hellooooooo....
To which I responded qute maturely with "F%$K off R..."
and then this
So, now I will try to be rational.
Kayla and Shelli have both recently expressed disappointment that
you have not bothered to ring them. I did say to them that they could
ring you but they were a bit angry Im afraid. If I remember correctly
it IS you who is the adult here and not them. I know you have a baby
due and as far as I know all is going well with that.
As far as life here goes I have had Shelli cutting herself twice this
week and had to take her into hospital yesterday for a fucking
psychiatric assessment and to get her meds doubled and to get
sleeping pills because she cant sleep. YOU KNOW she is going
through this stuff and is not well. YOU KNOW kayla has also
been under tremendous strain and even though she seems okay
it might be nice for her to know she has you giving a shit
YOU promised to do whatever you could to help these kids
while mum is sick and I am here, REMEMBER. YOU KNOW
mum is dying from fucking cancer and what you may not know
because you havent bothered to ask is that she is starting to get
sick and I AM NOT FEELING ANY OF THE FUCKING SUPPORT
PROMISED HERE. I am very sorry if I have not had time to ring
you and fill you in on every fucking detail but i did think that you
would understand that, considering the circumstances.
Dont give me shit about busy and babies Robert. From what I am seeing,
your lack of action here is telling me the story that you do not want to
know about this shit anymore and that your new life is much more
important than your old life.
In my understanding SUPPORT means that you understand that
life is hard and you let someone know that you care enough to help out
or even just that you care. You ring a child you have been a father to to
let her know you love her and you put up with shit from them because
you know that they are a kid and are suffering.
You dont just disappear from their life because they see that for what
it fucking well is.. LACK OF CARE. Perhaps you might like to explain
that to them for me okay. I will not be asking you for anything else,
ever again so dont worry about that will you.
So Robert, please dont talk shit to me okay. I dont need it.
I get the picture.
Have a nice life
and then I cried a bit
To which he responded by ringing the girls and me and then all was
reasonably well, except that Shelli refused to speak to him.
....also spent the day cleaning shitful house and stinky dog.
Vinegar and baking soda in the final rinse makes for a non smelly
pup by the way, if anyone has this problem....
Wish shellibaby was so easy to fix.
Did I say my life was boring??
Saturday, November 01, 2008
But, there is good news
We now have doubled meds and some sleeping tablets so the child
can get a few decent sleeps
They have also put her on a more intensive counselling plan
and she is on the waiting list for the Nexus unit should things not improve
in the next month or so
also they will be liasing with school so she doesnt need to feel pressured,
like half days or whatever to keep her in the habit of going and being
at least a bit social
This feels like action to me instead of a bandaid
So, we will see
Poor kid was shaking like a leaf this morning
but seems brighter this afternoon
more later maybe
Hopefully they will adjust her medication and maybe give her something to help her sleep
and whatever else I dont know
I hope they dont want to keep her there
She will not like that and neither will I
She doesnt want to go
but I am making her
I had a talk to her last night about the stuff I read
It wasnt all that bad
Dark but you can see where she has been trying to work herself out
So confused and lost this kid
Onward and hopefully upwards, yes?