Well...here I be
Still busy, but in a good way
I have been moving and renovating and painting (walls) and getting my kids settled back in town and other such important things.
I have been loving and being well loved and settling into this new bit of my journey through this life here at earth school.......I think I will like this bit actually, it is starting to feel like I might belong here.
My state of mind has been all over the place for the past few months and quite foggy at times too. My emotions have been numb and also in overdrive and my heart took a step back for a while just to check out the situation and make sure I really wanted to be in it.....and I do, no doubt about that at all. I learned that a part of the grief 'process' is called 'emotional chaos' which I found quite amusing and very apt as I am existing in this state of being about 70% of the time. This is all okay, it is part of the so called process and I am okay with just letting it be and living it till it has passed on to the next bit.
My mother is in the boot of my car at the moment, awaiting a decision being made about what to do with her ashes.
She doesn't mind being there :)
I have moments where I miss her intensely and other hours where I don't think of her at all. I feel okay about that too. My kids are going through their own grieving processes, as are Daniel and my other siblings.
I think the most disconcerting thing is that I am no longer 'needed' in the same desperate way as I have been the past few years. I am adjusting to that. To the knowledge that the world keeps on turning and I don't actually have to be driving it anymore......it is weird and I don't really know quite what to do with myself.
So, busy is a blessing for now.
I have faith that when the time is right, the next thing will show up. It always does.
Life goes on, inevitably.
My Befri is home from hospital and got better in spite of me not showing up very much......the world also continues to turn, with or without me. Hrmph.......
Council has finally approved the deck and so now the fun begins on a new level on home front. Builders and no back steps and concrete slabs and other such stuff..........sigh
What an adventure life is......I need to remember that!