Tuesday, June 29, 2010

the good, the bad and the downright ugly.....

I am wondering what my next step is...really. I feel, well, I don't really know how I feel. Like I'm just standing here while life moves around me or something. I am cranky and sad and accepting of that. I want to work but not if I have to work...lol. I want to paint but am finding it too hard to start something. I want to do stuff to my house but can't quite find the energy or the inspiration (or the literal space) right now.

So, a bit perversly I suppose, I am very very happy in my relationship with K and with most of the external stuff in my life, but not so satisfied with my internal landscape. Not this week anyway.

I am a bit stuck and am picking at the edge of the glue to see how to undo it and I guess I am okay with that 90% of the time. The other 10% I just want to crawl under a rock and play dead. This feels a bit like depression.....I barely hold it off with a blue sword some days.

I feel a bit disconnected and a bit like going to bed and not bothering to get up till summer. It's fucking cold right now and I don't do cold very well. I don't feel like I am doing anything particularly well right now.

I assume this will change.

Soon please.

I am sick of my own whinging.


I wrote that yesterday....now it is Tuesday and I, of course, am in a different space again.
These things are still underlaying but not overwhelming.
I am not alone and I don't have to do it all at once or all by myself.

I am blessed.

Truth :)


Natalie said...

Nice purple. :)

Lisa said...

always always here shell bell- and yes, what a difference a day makes xxx

Anonymous said...

Glad you're in a different space, sweety. God, I reckon we should get frequent flyer points for our mood swings sometimes. I'd be off to egypt in no time =)



Linda S. Socha said...

Love the color ( my personal favorite) and the lay out...adore the Birthday cake!!