well..........

Dunno what I did to not allow comments on my last post...maybe the fact that I posted it was enough!

So, its Saturday again

Life is pretty good today

I have been drawing, well, working on some drawings I did yesterday at school anyway

Its amazing how drawing or creating something takes you out of yourself and your head for a while and allows some new and different energy to come in....most excellent and I hope some more people come to artyfarty class so they can learn this too and I hope that a certain goth we know will remember to pick up a paintbrush too.....

Its been a pretty good week. On average I feel better...this is good

Darlin' and I are going to Black Crows workshop tommorrow which should be good.....excellent

I am feeling positive which is more than I can say I have been for the past few, lots of, weeks now

I dont know where Ive been or why I was there but it seems to have lifted for now. Phew..

Sometimes I think I have to remember what the pain was like by tasting it a bit just so I can appreciate the good stuff....know what I mean?

I dont know where maryme has disappeared to either.....do you suppose she knows its not wednesday anymore??

Hmmmm....

There is not much going on today....

Just thought I would say Hi!

so

HI

Toodles...

PS: this is one of mine that may never get finished because I stuffed it!

ah hem..

THE FIVE STAGES OF A FEMALE'S LIFE


1. To Grow Up


2. To Fill Out



3. To Slim Down


4. To hold it in



AND



5. To Hell with it

Hmmmmm.......

The new me???

This is my dollz that miss Shann made of me.

Whatshisname at the cafe will be impressed for sure!

I am a nutcase this week!

Life is bloody relentless and will not stop!

I want to get off.....

I seem to have done nothing but run around like the proverbial blue arsed fly, driving kids everywhere, dentist appointments, gym, picking sick ones up from school etceterbloodyra!

Over it.

My very mature 16 yr old boy wishes to leave school!

Today....

Grrrrr

Actually, he wants to leave to do his IT diploma at TAFE which is okay, its what he wants to do anyway

BUT

he won't go to school

He wants to sign out and thinks he will automatically be given a good paying job for 3 months while he waits for next semester to start at TAFE so he can save up lots and lots of money and buy his hearts desires..............I am just stoopid for suggesting that perhaps Big W or K Mart or wherever are not just waiting with a balloon bouquet for him to come along so they can give him some money.....

PLURGH

I do not want this child at home all day on this computer for the next 3 months..........

No, no not at all

15 yr old daughter is STILL waiting to hear from the elusive Henny Penny about an orientation session...is it bad form for mothers to ring up and abuse daughters prospective employers? I suspect so......grrrrrr

Good news is that my own errant father and brothers are donating some regular bucks for the up and coming world soccer tour that is 15 yr olds hearts desire and the reason she wants the bloody job in the first place! This is indeed a miracle and will make her ecstatic for sure!

Me too..............phew


Anyway, you know how I left school so I would have time to paint?

Hasn't happened yet!

AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH

all good

You know, I've decided that it is actually okay to not know what the hell is going on.....

it just means I'm up to the next bit doesn't it.

Just because I don't quite know what it is exactly doesn't mean anything except that it's not here yet...

Got it?

Good

Hmmmmm

Anyway, I shall write more tommorrow when my eyes can see and all that......

rsvp

ATTENTION

Arty Farty workshop is on THIS sunday!

Who is coming or not please......

Its car rego week

My period is due

Its hot

Im broke

Children make too much noise

My head aches

My feet hurt

GGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

chez chick hairdo's here

The other week I bought my girls a hair straightener

There was a method in my madness as I was sick of being asked to blowdry their hair/s when required and they could do it themselves.............

So, I bought a time saving device

PAH

Every morning for the past two weeks I have straightened two heads of hair

AND

Now son has decided that he likes blow dried hair as wet is not cool and one must shower 12 times a day of course

He does say thank you though ....

This so novel that I keep drying his hair just to hear it............and because I have an excuse to touch him...rare occurence trust me.....(just quietly I think he enjoys that too, a good excuse for a head tickle without inflicting damage on fragile hormonal male ego)

I did try the straightener on my hair and that was an interesting look

darlin laughed at me!

Kayla thought it was cool

It was VERY long........

I am very impressed with elf's pressie, too cool, a t-shirt from the art gallery that says

"some art teachers have a lot to answer for"

which is quote by the guy who runs the packing room there

very cool

I cant wait to wear it to school

I am a cook chick!

...as jen would say

toodles

grrrrr

I am NOT FINISHED oh naggy ones

I am some works in progress

gosh

I forgot to go to school to draw today....oh dear

I have to write a list of what I am NOT....hmmmm

later

I am having fun but got no sleep last night. Mary Jen says its because of the eclipse and other such things and it is good to have a reason for sure.

Ummm, I have not much to say because brain is not working and will not form thought long enough for me to write it down

sounds like this

blah blah blah la de dah la de dah buzz oh what about zing doop poop etc etc

bit like what Ruby's mums sounds like i imagine although she does manage to be hilarious in spite of her infirmity....so far

soon she shall blog what I just wrote above, zoot

Mary Jac/Gothicprincessqueenofthedeadnightzombies has been very forthcoming on her recently formulated image ...she is too damn schmick and I want to wear lacy elbow warmers and dark eyeshadow but know I would look like an old lady corpse pretending to be goth so I could wear them.

Plurgh

Mary Jen is busy being super bloody woman

Maryme is growing up fast and Will is on the mend

Elf MacPerson has disappeared and will npt tell me what my present is

etc etc

Life goes on regardless doesnt it

It is a good day

again

yay

and of course

I send my love and thoughts to my mary friends who are having a hard time this week.

I know, I know

but Im painting..........

am not

Hello
I am putting it out to you, the friends of my heart, and to the universe that this day is the beginning of my new life.

I am moving on from fear.

I am moving on from those things which I am not.

First things first, the greatest weight of this now.....

I am not an art student!

I am an artist, and shall now begin to think of my self as one

I will not go to school and be taught to do that which I dont want to do.

I will go to the place of learning and continue to draw because this feels good

I will not paint there

I cannot paint there as the past 2 months of trying have shown me. Various continuous happenings have made me attend only 3 painting classes so far this year. Last night I almost decided that I should leave and do "my thing"....

This morning I got up and thought "I will give it another go"....

so, I left late so as to get to the art shop and purchase a canvas to paint on and did so.
I get in the car outside of this shop to drive to TAFE and my phone rings...my son informs me that he is home with his sister because someone has broken into the school and splashed ACID everywhere so of course everyone was sent home.....so far so good.....okay say I and drive into school where there is not one single car park available so I drive out and the phone rings and it is shelli burbling about crap and in my haste to get of phone as I am actually on road driving car I knock new nose jewellery out of face almost and am driving around the corner holding it in, pulling over again to painfully push it back in.....there are no parking spaces nearby....a bus nearly takes me out....

These sort of things have been happening every week on these days...........grrrrrrrr

the point is I decided to come home and never go back to that class again.

I will paint here, in my space, the paintings that call me to paint them.

I will take steps to do things that will enable me to find me

I will not do things because somebody somewhere decided I should without consulting me first.

I will not let society dictate what I need to do

Why do I need a piece of paper to do what I do?

I didnt start school to get paper

I started to learn me and now it is blocking me so...

time to go

Im gone

YAY

Have a great day and be true to you

fact

Did you know that great pain makes your eyes water and gives you a headache?

Well, it does....

I should know

I have experienced worse pain but only when a baby came out at the end of it

oh dear

I have a new hole in my face

My mother thinks that boogies will drip out of it and run down my face, her words not mine......

This is a picture taken of me during this procedure



As you can see it hurt a LOT


and this is picture of me now with my new facial mutilation




I dyed my hair to go with the new look

I am very good looking aren't I

A lesser individual would have had issues with this but I am very great
today because it is my birthday.

the advantage of this new look is that you can no longer see the wrinkles

ahhhhh

....tooooo meeeee eeeee

Just telling you that I am officially 41 now...

and spoiled

I have flowers

and chocolates

and balloons

and now I'm off to let someone punch a hole in my face

oh dear

ha ha

I nursed the baby
I nursed the new Ruby baby
and the very handsome Archie Bear Boy
and the babies were very beautiful

and Ruby baby was even better than the photos

and tinier

and she has red hair

and perfect feet

and a pout

aaaaahhhhhh

I like babies

they dont talk

Happy Birthday to me in advance

because there wont be time tommorrow

yay

41

plurgh

sunday

Today is a new day and I am not old anymore...

I am going to woolies to walk like a goddess....

they may bring me home in a police car mind you......

alas muggle, he will not be shared.........

next life maybe

Meanwhile, I must live this one

a day at a time......

and I shall be whatever the day brings

by the way



I am painting!

comment

Dear muggle

That gorgeous and feathered man's bow and arrows are in MY corner and I AM his wolf........

love Ankle

xxxx

bah hah hah ha

I am sad

I know not why

Life feels hard

Time flies by

What happened to

that impetuous youth

the young girl

who used to be me

didnt you know that she hid away

until her body got old

and now she doesn't even

recognise it any more

who is that faded me

peering from the wall??

I am an old bag who will be 41 this week and I am not liking it at all

plurgh on it all

ramble, ramble, ramble

I know, I know, I am a slackarse blogger lately.

Cant be helped, haven't had much to say or if I have then I haven't had the bloody energy to say it.

Plurgh snoff etc

Anyway, life goes on as usual.

I have painted a drum today and taken a child for a haircut and she looks suitably stunning of course.

Other child got the job at Henny Penny so a trip to open a bank account and other such trivial crap was neccessary also.

I hate shopping centres, they wear me out...whinge snoff moan and etc

Ruby Red Baby is sooooo beautiful I almost want one....sanity does prevail however.

Tantra was very interesting last night and I think I would like to know some more.

I am feeling as though the residues or perhaps the 'core' issues of me are coming up to be dealt with at this time. My fears, which are nowhere near as huge and scary anymore, are all slapping me in the face lately....all the good old stuff, lack of self worth, fear of being 'seen', fear of success/failure, not good enough type stuff is trying to rear its ugly head. That and apathy, an old not so friend of mine I suppose.

Hmmmm

I do know better however and am just feeling it and trying not to let it get in my way as I move through it slowly, slowly and remember that I am ok.

And worth it......

I do wish it would be over soon though

plurgh again

Good things are:

That my maryme is well on the path to her own true self, this makes me happy

My darlin is a good man and I like him a lot usually, of course I love him too but liking is more important sometimes you know...

Kristy duff has had a baby and both of them are all well and good and that is quite wonderful

My drawing has improved all of a sudden, I like it when one leaps ahead in stuff...

My girls are beautiful even if they have bad tempers, foul mouths and catholic tendancies and my son will be handsome when he grows into his bones and stops hiding behind all that crazy hair.....or even brushes it sometimes

My dog no longer has a scabby arse but does have a bald one

I dont know about painting because I have been too scared to do any.....I will get there soon

Thats me for today

ramble ramble ramble

LOOK LOOK LOOK LOOK LOOK

Check out this excellent blog spot that our clever mary jen has created...everyone should play this...I am sick of not knowing what to cook for dinner.....come on girls......show off your culinary skills for me!

http://letseatwell.blogspot.com/

and.........

Am feeling a bit better and brighter now. Still lacking energy.....oh well.

I have actually been to school this week and done some stuff, all of it unfinished as yet but will show you anyway, just to prove I went.

I have turned my lounge room into my studio, so to speak, and now it will be a useful place instead of a waste of space that is there because everyone has one.

Except maybe Cyndi......

Have looked at photos of Ruby's little scrunched up face 150 times, can't wait to meet that little chick for sure, she will definately be looking forward to that.....

Can now talk about giving birth to upduffnomore in a womanly wise fashion because she has DONE IT.

Have gotten over my snit about lack of money and decided that I will have lots and lots very soon.......doesn't matter how....actually I just so happen to know this really great bank robber.....

Have stained 5 drum rims (that darlin' has prepared earlier) and varnished them and we will put skins on them tommorrow in preperation for painting and things ......to be done in spare time of course...as well as sewing many bloody drum bags...I hate making drum bags, I really do, grrrr, snooff, stuff

If mary J is reading this could she please tell me if she wants her drum soon because I forgot to ask and so I need to know.......

I am going to stare at my drawings and think about finishing them whilst wondering why my legs ache when I haven't done anything much.....

Oh yes, I had a horrible dream last night where all of my teeth fell to bits and it was like I had shards of glass in my mouth and went to the dentist and there were mad people roaming the corridors and the dentist went to pull the teeth out and my whole jaw started to come out and I knew that when it did my throat would close up and I wouldn't be able to breathe and then I woke up.......groaning.

What the...??

Happy full moon pagans.......

very good one....

"Become another dopeless hope fiend!"

...and on a different note altogether

We had an abundance night at the cottage last night, all very well and good, yes let us attract money and believe that we have it and spend it like we've got it and all that good stuff. Yes, lets do that.....

If I might ask how does one let go of fear around money when all of your life has been a constant bloody struggle with the said groovy green stuff and you actually dont have any to spend like youv'e got it and you are wondering which child you can borrow money off so that you can feed all of the other children and you are going to school that costs lots of money and the electricity and phone want paying 2 weeks ago and the car wants fuel and so do the kids and the dogs arse is a scabby wad of bucks and there is no money in the bank, and never has been money in the bank and if there was money in the bank it would have been spent by now paying the above......

how does one lose fear of lack of money??

Stuffed if I know

Phew!