Friday, February 19, 2010


I am feeling directionless, purposeless and a bit god damned empty, mad and sad.

I need something to do....

but what?


I can pack up my house to a point, and make ready for the move that I don't have a damned date for....

I can go run on the stupid bloody treadmill.....

I can sit here and type crap all day and think life is jolly

but really, what do I want to be doing?

I want to be moved and a little bit settled. I want my kids all doing their thing and feeling okay about it. I want to have a purpose in my days....I need a purpose.

I'm so not used to having nothing to do.


I guess I can find something, but everything keeps changing. It has all changed. Every single thing. I don't know how to do it.

But I don't doubt that I can, I'm just not 100% sure that I want to. Whatever it is.....

I could paint but I don't seem to have one in me right now....

fruggen hell


Jen said...

I think i understand how you feel. will chat more about it when i see you.

Cyndy said...

Who can be 100% sure?
You are where you need to be, for now anyway ;0)

Why do you need to know what to paint? I thought thast inspiration would either arrive, or not.... you just need to feel... and anger can be just as productive as happiness


L. said...

fruggen hell indeed!
Hugs to you Michelle. So much change is difficult. Give yourself time. It is really hard to go from having the focus of your life being a caretaker to losing the person you were caring for. A huge sense of loss, but I think also a loss of direction and purpose. You were so incredible, Michelle, for your mom and took care of so much. I think there is a period of feeling pointlessness in life after what you have been through. Or at least, it seemed that way in my own family after my father died. I realize there is not much I am saying that helps in any real way. Except maybe saying -- I hear you. :)

nollyposh said...

Two words: Art diary <3