I've decided that it doesn't actually matter where my head is at right now because I am operating out of my heart anyway :)
In about a week and a half I am going to be going into overdrive and getting extremely busy renovating and moving into a new house.....simultaneously.....argh
This week I am supposed to be packing up everything that can be packed and possibly trailered over to K's garage, because I will only have half a house to begin with....
It's kind of hilarious actually....
I am blessed am I not?
I have somewhere to live that will be mine for the first time in my entire life. I find that disconcerting! I may even be starting to feel a little excited!
We did go and buy an antique dresser for the half a kitchen and an antique-y washstand/vanity for our bedroom that is currently a garage.....there IS a plan here to have a bedroom ready asap!
And we are just waiting for council approval to finally happen on the revised plans for the deck/other half of the house.....snort.
Ahhhh, my life is fun. Really! I spent a large part of this weekend on the back of a big black Harley Davidson riding around in the sunshine and having some fun with the guy I love. How can I complain? I need to remind myself that my life is just an experience. An adventure even! How awesome is it that I have all these blessings?
I have two more young girls I hope to form some sort of nice relationship with eventually. My K has two daughters and my hope is that we all get to be good friends, his kids, my kids, we two grown ups. I don't expect to have to be mum to them, they have a mum, I don't expect K to have to be dad to mine, they don't need that. If we can all manage to respect and care about and for each other to some degree then life will be sweet. This move will hopefully be the first step in facillitating this stuff. Distance has been difficult. There haven't been too many nights I have had to spend alone in the past four months and this has required a lot of travel and running around and some mixed emotions as well on the part of the kids who may be feeling left out, whichever lot that may be at the time. I know this will all settle down and become something else once we are all close by. Time will tell how that goes and I just hand it all up to my 'god' to look after. If I think about it too much my head caves in!
All I know for sure right now is that I love this man. I love to be with him, I love the way he makes me feel inside, like a woman and a kid and a damn goddess too, I love feeling cared for and about and I love caring for and about him. I love the way he calls me Midge and the Babe, the way he throw his head back and laughs like a loony and smiles with his eyes. The way he runs around like a maniac, head down and full tilt and I love the way he holds my hand all the time and rings me 100 times a day. I love it that he is passionate about stuff and does it even though it hurts him sometimes, that he thinks his daughters are princesses even though they drive him to despair sometimes, that he thinks I deserve the best. I love that stuff. And a whole lot more. I love the way he loves me. Fullstop. So, I'm jumping in here feet first I guess, because I choose to trust my heart. And I would rather love a whole lot and risk getting hurt, than not love out of fear and miss out on a whole lot of beauty for the sake of an imagined fear.
I choose love. I never want to not choose love. Having said that, I am also no idiot. My eyes are wide open. Now.....onto the rest of life
I did my first tattoo this week! I did okay and can see me doing better. By the end of a couple of hours I felt I could handle the gun okay. Now I guess it's a matter of practice and seeing things in a way that allows for the medium. Hmmmmm.......I have seen some wonderful tattoos in my researching lately, I hope I can get that good one day. I hope I can be good enough that I can make a bit of money out of this on a regular basis. That'd be cool.
I am grateful today. For choices, for love, for free will and for you.
Yes, you :)
Have a good one people, take care of you and yours.