and.........

Drumming will be on next week, if I cant make it Darlin will be banging away without me....

:0)

naughty corner

I feel like such a whinger!

Its not that its all bad really

Its just that its so full on right now

by the time I get to the computer at night I am just buggered

and whinges just dribble out of my fingers!

It will be better when I am moved and have some breathing time

wont it?

I am clinging to that that thought, misconception though it may be.....

I will have at least an hour and a half more in my day then because I wont be driving in it

Mum is feeling much better, except for a pain all down her leg which may be caused by a pinched nerve or something in her back....if we can stop that she'll be feeling pretty good. Shes starting to get grotty because shes been in pain for what seems like so long now....has it only been 3 weeks?

Its month end tomorrow at the office and something is gone wrong in the computer at the office and we may have to go back to last frikken tuesday and redo every farkin thing we've done since then! I am going to kill Lyn if thats the case, she who is supposed to be backing up every couple of days hasn't been and she is in for it.....grrrrrr

See, whinging again....

my house is semi packed up and much rubbish has been thrown out....light fittings and ceiling fans are mysteriously being cleaned by the house elf and I have been bought a beautiful new table and chairs by the parent for my birthday!

I miss the cottage and having fun!

My big girl is up now staying with mum to be slave for a couple of weeks so we have her captive for a little while, this is good too

Aunty from hell has flown back to QLD, thank fark, though I did appreciate her several times, she is very hard work.....

My sister should be coming soon, for a week or so, I am trying to think that will be heplful and be grateful instead of wishing she would come for 6 months instead! She is having a hard time with anxiety and needs some help fast. I think I have talked her into going on an antidepressant to help her get to a place where she can sort her head out.

I have to wake the kids up in 10 minutes so I must go make coffee and lunches....did you know they will have to catch their school bus at 7.05 from Backpassage! Goodbye to my time in the mornings hey.........aarrgghhh

I will be grateful there IS a school bus yes?

aaarrgghh

pack pack

drive drive

scrub scrub

bleed bleed

ache ache

talk talk

sigh

groan

pooooooooooooooooooooooooo

xxxxxxx

what do you know

did you know that some team won some bloody thing here in Newcastle lasy night?

Well, I do know

do you know how?

Because they kept me awake all farkin night with their celebrations thats how!

Lovely

Nothing better than laying in bed unable to breathe, unable to sleep, bleeding like a gunshot victim

I am so refreshed today!

and I have spider webs in my hair

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

packing scrubber

It has taken me TWO FARKIN DAYS to pack up all my art stuff

and some books

and some pots

and maybe clear out 34 garbage bags of stuff that might come in useful someday

and the dirt that is showing itself is shameful

I am a slackarse housewife for frikken sure

bosh

and

POO

while Im away...

Hmmm

Mary me is neglecting her baby

kristy is all full of poo

Toni is spitting chips

and i have'nt got to anyone else yet

I have a cold sore on my bloody cheek!

and am bleeding again, only 2 and a half weeks break WITH drugs

oh dear

Nice to know that life goes on

I think I have a weekend off

but dont tell anyone will you

must pack things and scrub walls

and do some errands that will not do themselves

and scrabble of course

even tho Im a loser

plurgh

but hey

the sun is out!

Must go buy some garbage bags

and a mop to scrub walls with

and chocolate

and a bucket or two

grrrrr

oh yes, and somehow I seem to have lost about 6 kilos and my pants are very long and a bit baggy....

wont whinge about that

hmmmm

slackarse ....yes

Oh gawd

I have not stopped for days

Wednesdays are now a logistical nightmare with darlin at tafe, ex taking shell to netball and me picking josh up from german class. Where do I get to go to the cottage in that? Pah!

Still, wont be forever

Mum went home today

she is a skinny little wrinkly for sure

The latest is that her tumour is a particularily aggressive type of fucker and will 90% likely return in 3 to 5 years. They are discussing chemo on friday, wether or not they think it will help her. Thats scary, if they don't do it nothing will help her will it.

It just gets worse. i hate it when my premonitions turn out to be true.......

Anyway she's home and I don't want to think about it anymore for now. Time will tell

...........and I don't have time to think anyway

If anyone has some moving boxes hanging around I would surely appreciate them.

And am looking to buy a 6 seat dining setting and a comfy nice lounge.....

I am a property manager extraordinaire!

Someone should give me a farking medal

and then wheel me over to the nuthouse

and stuff me full of drugs so I can sleep for a couple of weeks

ahhhhhhhh....one can dream

bye

xxxxx

coffee

Okay, for those who want to come

Eurobar at Hamilton

2 pm

FYO for those who dont know

Stage 1 is a contained cancer
Stage 2 is one that has moved outside to other nearby organs
Stage 3 is where it has gone to the lymph nodes
Stage 4 is where it has spread to a distant part of the body, liver usually with bowel cancer and is not curable

There are different stagings (grades) within the stages and I dont know where she is with that just yet

That they are doing chemo is hopeful, they wouldnt do it if there were no hope of it making a significant difference

So, she is feeling better today and even ate a bit and enjoyed it.

This is good.

See you tomorrow maybe

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

my life today

• cat scans
• doctors and nurses
• parking
• driving
• insanity
• compassion
• looking at the poor little woman in pain on the bed and not being able to do anything
• bladder infections
• blood clots
• swollen legs
• pain
• pain
• pain

This cancer is stage 3. It has compromised her lymph nodes and could well be on its way to her liver.

But its not yet......chemo in 5 to 6 weeks

Moving her down to the Gastro ward....

I got a house to move into

Its not what I wanted but hey, its a house, in fact the ONLY four bedroom house available on the Peninsula...so I will be grateful...I hope

I have to move house in 3 weeks....where am I going to find the goddam time??

I am going to try to get to coffee tomorrow...will blog it tonight for those who care to come

Miss you guys

grrrrrrrr

Just when you thought it was safe to breathe.....

Got pathology back today

turns out it IS bowel cancer that has spread to the ovaries

this is not so good

don't know any full story

again

does however mean a whole new set of doctors and more time spent in the fucking dark

will somebody PLEASE turn the light on?

How long can you be strong???

as long as you need to I guess

fuck

phew

Well, we seem to have turned the corner...fingers crossed

While she still is short of breathe and swollen we have has movement in the bowel (sorry but its IMPORTANT) and she is no longer blue.

She has been up walking a little and sitting in the chair and aside form 50 bloodstained nighties to launder, all seems to be well

I was also accosted on my way in by a nurse just dying to tell me whats been going on!! AND had a big sleep today so I am human again

Thank goddesses and gods and all other such things

They have done tests which will be back tommorrow to see if she has an infection in the wound or bladder as her temp is still up and she has a lot of flem to move off her chest but so far so good

Poor little washed out dishrag

and thats just me!

Am feeling hugely relieved today for sure

sigh

Thank you everyone for your thoughts, they have made life bearable!

Love to you little faerie especially

xxxxxxxxxxx

latest in short

• no haemoglobin after bloody vomiting
• blood transfusion
• cat scans and ultra sounds
• cant breathe due to no haemoglobin
• temperature
• swollen belly
• complaining phone call made by me re nurse who tells me all is well when it is NOT

results

• No clots in lungs, clear
• gas not blood in swollen belly
• breathing easier but not yet good
• still no reason for bloody vomit
• dunno about nurse yet

Me, have been majorly stressed today as I was stuck in fucking office while all this went on

and doing 21st birthday celebs for little bro on top

today was hell

poo

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Gawd

How has my weekend been?

oh lovely

I have spent it at the hospital

every waking minute

why????

a) mums epidural painkiller made her blood pressure drop so low they had to stop it...therefore she spent yesterday in agony while they took 12 hours to get the farking dosage right on the other stuff...........I left her at 8.30 last night while she was seeing shiny ants and little men with whiskers under their chins...excellent thunk I, now she will sleep........

however

b) I was woken at 7 this morning by a call from the hospital saying she was wanting me there because......

she had spent half the night vomiting blood into many bowels that were'nt being held by anyone and barely by herself as having ones guts ripped out is not conducive to bending whilst laying on ones back and was VERY distressed by this......apparently the night nurse came in several times to fix her beeping farkin machine but not to help her hold the fucking bowl or wipe her face or wash the blood off........she had to demand a doctor be sent for as the ONE ON DUTY at the hospital was delivering a baby and when the nurse knew the other one they called in was coming she ran around and washed and changed her.....

I am a bit livid

however

I did not kill anyone

but I will the next time some fucking know it all comes on duty and tells me everything was fine last night...........................and wonders why I am still there.........obviously I am just an idiot!

On a brighter note

I will pist a pic of my arse

just as soon as I can find it

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

phew

Over and done

it all went as well as it could

there is no bowel cancer

no poo bag!

They removed a bit of bowel that the tumor had latched onto and a bit of lower colon

she didnt lose much blood

the surgeon was very happy

AND it looks like its a stage 2 cancer rather than stage 3 which is just wonderful

she is asleep

I have to take her stuff in soon

and sleep myself

all is well

thank fark

groooooooaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnn

hello

I think it is passed.....

i seem to not be having violent tendancies now

excellent

today is surgery

thank you for your thoughts all

will keep you posted

xxxxx

oh dear

Well, after 3 days on said progesterone tablets I am worried

I spent yesterday and now today in a state of agitation......

I want to smash computers heads in

and squeeze large people through very small holes with jagged edges

This cannot be a good thing?

Considering the amount of patience and compassion I need to be drawing on at the moment I may just have to resign myself to bleeding non stop rather than cause it in others??

Fark I say

I feel like I am at the very peak of PMS which, for me, usually lasts for a few hours, not days.....

Does anyone know of an alternative remedy for this??

A nice little vitamin that will aid my horrible nasty self???

YOU'D BETTER OR ELSE!!!!!!!!

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

aaarrrggghhhhh

update.....

Forgot to inform you of the state of me

I do indeed have a whole tribe of fibroids in my uterus.....one of them is 5cm!

So, and here is the funny bit

I will have to, at some stage in my freetime, go and have hysterectomy myself

one day when there is nothing better to do

and I should imagine

as I am only bleeding slightly to death

that the PHS will get around to me some time next century

by which time I shall have gone through menopause

and it wont matter any more!

Meanwhile, I shall take many progesterone tablets and pretend I am pregnant

woo hoo

hmmmmm

rest

I have just had 2 days 'rest'

pah

have ran around shopping and organising little brothers birthday present and finished course questions which I am now in the process of typing up like a mad demented thing

RSI is what I would have were I a secretarial type person for sure!

Have appointment with quack today to see why Im bleeding to death constantly

and 4000 phone calls to make

at least these people will be sober

Im soooo over talking to pissed relo's

In fact, I shall be going on strike soon and informing all and sundry that if one wants me to chat then one must be free from the feral grape!

grrrrr

anyhoo

back to the grind

xxxx

and now

Surgery is now set for next Friday at 1pm

with a different surgeon which is not so good as mum had decided to trust the one she had

so

Groundhog week it is

grrrrrrrrrrr

have been stuck at backpassage dealing with a stresshead mother

as you do