Thursday, June 12, 2008

I can whinge if I wanna...

Why am I awake at 2.05 am ????


Ummm, my previous rant was partially tongue in cheek you know

and I did try to communicate with a Mary but she signed out before I could insist!!

I had to come to town to see the quack

in case I was really dying but I'm not

but I am anxiety-fying quite nastily and this is okay but yuk all the same.

A bit of a stress build up I guess

but I frikken hate it

and don't wish to be drugged but what ever works....

I hate being just far enough away that I feel like I'm overseas

I hate that my partner is not here with me to share this load, but thats his choice so what can I do about it.

I hate that I'm too tired to unpack my paint

I hate that my bloody mother is dying of this fucking prick of a disease

I hate that my family are quite happy to leave it to me to do the daily grind and that my whacko aunty who creates trauma and stress is due to arrive tomorrow for a week

I hate that I have nothing and no resources and so the business has to be sold and I cannot buy it

I hate that my sons father is a wanker and I cant ask him for help when my kid is going to go to Germany with not enough money and I don't have any to give him

I hate that you know...

and most of the time I can put up with it and find something to be grateful for

but right now I'm having an issue with it all

and I'm in bed ALONE and I'm sick of it!

so there

Thank you for allowing me to rant and I will feel better tomorrow

or maybe not seeings as it IS 2 am



Jewell said...

feel for you shell, love you

Lisa said...

thats good.
better out than in and all that guff.
was the non responding Mary me ? if so sorry but i am signed in all the time lately and it doesnt seem to matter who is on the computer- usually if anyone wants to chat SOM just signs me out..........
so, why is darlin MIA ?
can we catch up over the weekend- i am prepared to drive to you if needs be, becasue i am a MARY and thats what we do.
I was awake until past two too
chin up Mary Me
you are so very strong
Mary me xxx

Anonymous said...

considering the times that you have been through, you are handling everything very well...consider the alternatives, you could have said " hand this over to someone else cause I don't want to do it", but you didn't.Your friends will stay by you through this...w.w.

Anchell said...

I know. Im just tired and grumpy and sick of anxiety crap. xx

Lisa said...


Myst_72 said...

You're going through so much, you're allowed to be grumpy, and bound to be anxious. But it's wearing eh...

Thinking of you,


Cyndy said...

grumble at your will, sweetie.... we're listening.