Why am I awake at 2.05 am ????
Ummm, my previous rant was partially tongue in cheek you know
and I did try to communicate with a Mary but she signed out before I could insist!!
I had to come to town to see the quack
in case I was really dying but I'm not
but I am anxiety-fying quite nastily and this is okay but yuk all the same.
A bit of a stress build up I guess
but I frikken hate it
and don't wish to be drugged but what ever works....
I hate being just far enough away that I feel like I'm overseas
I hate that my partner is not here with me to share this load, but thats his choice so what can I do about it.
I hate that I'm too tired to unpack my paint
I hate that my bloody mother is dying of this fucking prick of a disease
I hate that my family are quite happy to leave it to me to do the daily grind and that my whacko aunty who creates trauma and stress is due to arrive tomorrow for a week
I hate that I have nothing and no resources and so the business has to be sold and I cannot buy it
I hate that my sons father is a wanker and I cant ask him for help when my kid is going to go to Germany with not enough money and I don't have any to give him
I hate that you know...
and most of the time I can put up with it and find something to be grateful for
but right now I'm having an issue with it all
and I'm in bed ALONE and I'm sick of it!
Thank you for allowing me to rant and I will feel better tomorrow
or maybe not seeings as it IS 2 am