Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Frog went walkin' on a summers day ......ahum ahum ahum

Ahhh life is a funny....

I have decided to do a step four on relationships, after having some words (and making some amends) with my old sponser, who used to be my best friend, who is now my tentative friend again and who has enlightened me with a few valuable insights into my ex partner, the bullshit he span for me and the effect he had on me and my life, because, of course, I allowed him to.

The anger I keep experiencing around him is real and valid and must be put to rest somehow because I am OVER it!

Today he rang me to ask for permission to come to my mum's funeral?????

.......ummmm, she's not actually dead yet dickhead!

So, not to lay the whole steaming heap of blame crap onto him, because that wouldn't be real or fair, I am going to do some writing and get rid of the lot of them......yay....snort! Oh if it were just that easy how happy would I be! It ain't a very long list but oh there are some doozies to be dealt with. The father of my kids is going to be interesting now isn't he........

Hmmmm, do you think this is appropriate for me to be doing just now?

It must be or why else would it keep slapping me in the face?

Please feel free to tell me to pull my head out of my ar...bum if you think I need to......really, I would so rather not have to look at this stuff ever again in my life.


Anyway, onto other stuff.....like I have told my boss I'm leaving as of this week.

I said I will work on some days if they REALLY need me to, otherwise I'm just doing my mum.

Speaking of whom, she is not doing so well. She is just sick.

All over damn sick.

It's coming people.

It's coming relentlessly and I can't do a damn thing about it now can I.

I really really really hate powerless.....


The Tall Red Head said...

I can only say one thing...What a fuckhead. Who asks a question like that?? A bit like the UK tabloids doing a tribute to Jade Goody..BEFORE she died. Some people have no idea. Good that you have quit work. Good that you are spending time with your Mum. Good that you are writing things down. Bad that you have to do all this shit. Good that it will help. That is all :)

Natalie said...

I think a step four is a very valuable step to take right now. Especially right now.

You may be suffering from an unconcious / semi concious pattern of relating to people.

In regard to people from your past:

Don't believe everything you hear, and take your very imaginative, Piscean, rosy glasses off from time to time, for a reality check.

In a relationship, there needs to be:


Mutual respect /admiration



No manipulation /mind games / emotional garbage

Similar morals

Similar values

Similar direction in life

Similar interests, or tolerance if none shared

Spiritually on a similar page

Ditto politics

Ditto religion

Similar intellect

There is of course room to move a litte bit here and there, but it is these areas that can cause the BIGGEST upheavals in a relationship.

Hope this helps.xx♥

Michelle said...

Seem to have pretty much all of those things going here Nat, this time. Which feels kinda weird yet very good...Yes, I agree. sigh xxx

Renee said...

'Please feel free to tell me to pull my head out of my ar...bum if you think I need to......really, I would so rather not have to look at this stuff ever again in my life. '

Seems to me that is just what you are doing Michelle by saying your stories of him.

Keep it real darling. Otherwise there is no point.

I'm sorry about your Mom, oh I am so sorry.


Cyndy said...

Ex = Ass.... and not yours to have to stick your head up.....

It's good to have more time for your mum... and YOU :0)

Sarah Lulu said...

Whenever I find myself doing someone else's inventory ...it always means I need to do my own.

nollyposh said...


Natalie said...

That is right, Sarah. We are mirrors.

I don't understand what an inventory is, but I am just responding to Michelle asking for help.
We have been friends for a long time, and know we can say such things to each other.
The reason these things are so clear to me right now, is that i am clarifying relationships in my own life as well, like you said.

Is that an inventory? If so, I am walking my talk. Yes?