Saturday, January 23, 2010

Just quickly.....

Mum seems to be a bit worse today, she is seriously disorientated and losing touch with reality. She sleeps most of the time, is not eating, barely drinking and can't think straight. I really think the cancer has gone to her brain now....I really think this is it, that this next week or two may be it.

My Kayla came home today, and Tahni, and they are both shocked at the change in a couple of weeks. I've had Shelli in tears tonight and my sister has arrived and is shocked too. My brother wants to come in the next few days and I think that might be wise. Palliative care said not yet but my gut says very soon.....

I am so glad my sister is here. I am so glad I got the paper work signed even if we don't end up needing it. I am so glad it's almost over. I don't want her to suffer any more, she will hate this bit, she would hate to think of everyone seeing her like this. She would hate it. She needs to go now and go quickly. Just for her. Please pray for this. This will be so awful if it just drags on and on, she is almost not here in her mind anymore, that was what she didn't want.

I am going out tomorrow and taking my respite day, then I think I will be going nowhere for a little while.....


13 comments:

Cyndy said...

I wish you all peace, my lovely.

You can never know a timeframe, I reckon. I've seen some incredible things: Humans are amazing.

What the physical does and what the spirit does are two different things <3

Myst_72 said...

Oh Michelle,

You are all in my thoughts,


G

x♥x

Debbie said...

Oh Michelle, I am so sorry your mom is worse. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Natalie said...

Yes, this is the really saddest bit. Seeing them, how they would never tolerate, is so very sad for them, and for you. I am glad Cherie is there to hold you, and support you.
Give a me a yell if I can help you in any way at all, even if it is doing errands, cooking, whatever. xx♥

Kerry said...

1 hour at a time chelle.

Even 1 minute at a time.

The main thing at the moment for your mum is that she is pain free and has her family with her, and i know you have that all under control. Can't do anything more than that.

Love you, be kind to you.

Kez xxx

Bagman and Butler said...

I'm thinking about you. Everything passes.

Jen said...

Lots of love to you all.

xoxo

Jac said...

Thinking of you lots Chelle, and am sending out a prayer. Take care of yourself and your loved ones.
Love you xxx ♥ ♥ ♥

Chrisy said...

yes dearest let's hope it's soon...so pleased your sister is there with you...

christopher said...

Oh, Michelle

My heart breaks.

I want to add my soul to those who love you. I want to hold you up. You have and know your place. You need to breathe, eat enough, bathe, all the normal things. This is big stuff but in the larger scheme it is utterly ordinary, necessary stuff.

We have a saying here

"Don't sweat the small stuff.
It is all small stuff."

There is behind that saying a truth. This does not belittle the size of your passage. Rather it points out that this is just what is, and happens to us all, just like doing the dishes. And just like doing the dishes, it is a sacred passage at heart. My mother was fortunate in this regard. The whole process was three days. It will be what it is. I of course will pray for dignity to be uppermost.

If I could be with you now, I would. My prayers are.

Jen said...

thinking of you this morning. more and more love coming your way.
xoxoxo

Wendy said...

Sending prayers of peace, acceptance, courage, strength and, of course, great and everlasting love to you and yours, Michelle.

Daria said...

Thinking of you ...