Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Wednesday this week...

Yesterday we had the doctor over and he was explaining away the 'death rattle' in mum's breathing and a few other choice things like the 'death pallor' and the 'coldness of deaths hand'........(I am tempted to giggle hysterically but restraining myself here)....when lo and behold up she woke and then stayed awake all bloody day. She had a visitor and we all had a few moments with her in which she got to boss us around a bit and a few things got sorted.
That was nice.

Monday I got to go and do the funeral stuff. She wanted it sorted so it is......that was fun, not.

Today I get to do the completion of the business sale (finafuckingly) and to school shop with my Shellbell....also I have to sort out car rego and other such stuff.

My brother arrives this afternoon and she knows he is coming so will hopefully wake up a bit today too.

Whatever she likes really....this is her show after all.

My poor sister is now wearing my facial expression and forgetting every second sentence ........I did welcome her to my world :)

Daniel is coping well so far, but we are all together.

Yes Renee, together strong.


I don't feel strong at all actually.

I feel tired.

Have a nice Wednesday my is a gift.


Natalie said...

Here if you need anything.... Sending love x lotsalotsa xx♥

Diane said...

Oh, honey. I know there are no words. Just know I'm sending you warm thoughts and hugs through the Internets. XOXO

Lisa said...

am here xx

Cyndy said...

Sometimes, because clinicians are around it everyday, they forget the need to be sensitive while they are trying to explain things and provide "comfort"..... maybe the impersonal approach that is taught in med school is a bit of a survival strategy.

As tired as you all are, and as grim as things are there is joy to be found at this time, Michelle. I know this seems to be a ridiculous notion, but it's true.

And don't worry, you will find the energy that you need.

I am Happy to help hold your spirit up from afar, Bluest One.

Regina Spektor says that "Blue is the most human colour"....


wykdwytch said...

when you experience this.....every good moment becomes a gift, all of it...every single bit..cause it can all turn horribly pear shaped at any given moment....hang on..

Liz said...


I am thinking of you. Not much to say other than that. You might not feel strong. You don't have to always be strong. You only have to make it through with the love you have. Wish there was something more I could do or say....

hugs to you


Snowbrush said...

My father knew he was dying but forbade me to take him to the doctor no matter what. One day, while driving in town, his eyes rolled back and he keeled over drooling. I pulled to the curb waiting for him to die. A crowd gathered, and I just knew someone would call an ambulance if we stayed there, so I drove him home. We sat in his driveway, him scarcely breathing, and me waiting for him to pass on. After a hour, he sat up, looked at the mailbox in front of the house, and asked if the mail had come yet. It wasn't the last time, I would be all solemn and profound thinking he was dying only to have him wake up and make some utter mundane comment. It came to seem as if the line between life and death just wasn't terribly sharp.

Jen said...

Lots and lots and lots of love to you all xoxo

am here if you need anything at all.

Just like Cyndy, am holding you up from afar!! ♥

Michelle said...

Oh yes Snow, exactly. Thanks guys :)

Sarah Lulu said...

You are so strong ....fragile ...vulnerable and invincible.

Glad to know you ... xxx

christopher said...

I agree with Snowbrush. Death is married to life in intimacy, when it makes any sense to separate things like that. The rest of the time it is utterly mundane, as part of life as the next breath not taken. What makes it special is that it is a boundary experience, like birth.

We fight death and welcome birth. They are both messy, unique moments one way, universal and beautiful the other.

I love you, Michelle. I am grateful your tribe is gathering, grateful for the many friends you have around you there and around you here. If I were there and you wanted, I would sit with you, on watch with you. We would drink tea or ice water or something sweeter and I might touch you once or twice, or let you lean on me, and that with joy that I could.

Wendy said...

My prayers are with you and yours, Michelle ♥