Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Ummmm, yeah?


Somebody said to me yesterday that I am perpetuating my own 'pain' here by continuing to talk about my ex and what happened/s???

Have I been doing that a lot here?

I know I have mentioned him a few times this past couple of weeks, because he keeps popping up in front of my face and annoying the crapper out of me...but is that me 'keeping it alive'???
I am a little confused about that one......

Things seem to take on an energy of their own around me sometimes, like separate little vortexes that I step into and out of and yet they spin on regardless of my participation.....

Other feedback would indicate that ex is not doing so well, that other people are picking up on him not telling truths and other such things validates my feelings around some stuff and also makes me think that all I can do is say a prayer for him and try to just let it go.
That can be difficult when he keeps reaching out and touching me....he has big energy you know?

But it is not my fault if he is feeling regret or whatever he is feeling right now. I gave him plenty of chances and he chose to blow them.....that is ALL I need to know really, I don't care all that much about whether or not he is coping right now. He is not my responsibilty and I refuse to be drawn into his mind games and manipulations anymore.

OVER.......... this is the aim and the purpose of my talking about my stuff. And if it wasn't entirely before, well, it is now :)

Shelli comes home today, so my child free days are over for now.....sigh, it has actually been really nice even though I do miss them.

K goes back to work next week too so I guess things will change there too......

I leave work this week, that is going to be so weird! TWO YEARS I have been doing this shit every day, two damn years, more than two years. I wonder if I will miss it?

I only know that I am tired. Very tired........

I am off to do this day now....the treadmill awaits and I am running late today.....

I could, feasibly, join the gym now couldn't I........

hmmmmm

(I gave K a foot soup last night :) He was suitably disgusting.......)

Have a good one peeps

Love you...



11 comments:

Lisa said...

i dont know- breakups are never easy and like all transitions have a grieving period as you know. people cope in different ways i guess..........smooch.........I have a new friend on facebook..........

nollyposh said...

~LOve~ the Dragonfly <3

Natalie said...

Your blog, and anyway, it certainly hasn't been excessive.

You gave him plenty of chances, and I tried to tell him too. He had his own reasons, and none of them were your fault, as I see it.

In regard to my previous comment, i meant that it is good to take stock now,before things get too heavy with K., because you are already dealing with a lot of emotional pain right now, and another broken heart wouldn't be good for you.
Just put the words there to help you,(little signposts) I would take that as love and care, not a problem behaviour from my end.I hope I haven't caused you any offence.xx♥

Michelle said...

Natsy, it wasn't your comment that led to this thought process, it was Renee's and all is well. Yours was apt and true indeed and I agree totally. Sarah was referring to me doing his not you doing mine :) It's a 12 step thing....I love you!

Myst_72 said...

I think you have to work through it before you can let it go....

Say what you need to say!
Get it out then you can put it on it's rightful shelf.

G
xx

EugeneSwanson said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Cyndy said...

It's your blog.

And ex has to deal with his own stuff without transferring it onto you. If I remember rightly, this habit of his was one of the things that resulted in you being where you are right now.

So at least that's a positive, isn't it? Even if it means foot soup.... *snort* (unashamedly....lol)

2 years?..... Holy crap!!!

<3 <3 <3

Renee said...

Nobody knows you Michelle.

You talk about whatever you want and I don't think it keeps him alive at all.

You will love not working.

xoxo

Michelle said...

May you trust your heart and friends and strive for what you want babe. Ken

Bagman and Butler said...

At least you are never boring!

Evil Twin's Wife said...

I'm going to have to google "foot soup" now. ;-)