Saturday, August 15, 2009

Ummmmm.......

Through the veil........



Sometimes I just open this post box and have no idea what I want to say

Today is one of those days.....

The business will be signed, sealed and delivered on Monday.....

That is cool

My heart is full today

My head is reasonably empty

Peaceful in there right now....

My mum is not well, she says she just doesn't feel 'right'. I think she may need another blood test, and maybe some more blood. Will see how she feels by Monday. She doesn't want to eat.

She hasn't been 'right' since she was so sick after the last chemo. They say it takes a couple of months to get over the chemo, but I suspect it is more than that.
I suspect her continued nausea and greater fatigue are due to her liver, but I will say nothing, because to tell her that may well make it true.....energy is like that isn't it.
I think she is sicker now than she was on chemo.
I think she is not going to feel much better than this. I very much hope I am very wrong!

I am soooooo glad the business is done......and we are sorting out power of attorney next week too, I hope.

Because life can throw you curve balls, and it is best to have a glove on.

My son comes home in 11 days. I hope he doesn't disrupt this fragile peace we have here.....that may sound awful but you take what you can get sometimes. I want him to just slide right in, but that's not really fair is it, he will adjust, as will we, I am just a bit sick of adjusting on a daily basis sometimes.

In a perfect world it would all be shiny and everyone would be doing what they needed to and I would know what may happen in a month's time......but you know, the world isn't 'perfect' in that way....yet it is anyway. It all is what it is.
Accepting that is the key now isn't it. I will work on that over the next little while.........some more.
Because I get frightened you know, of what may happen to them all. I know I will be okay, but what about everyone else?
Then I have to think, well, we all grow at our own pace, and all I can do is show them how I do it, it is up to them to notice and maybe follow that or devise their own ways of dealing. I just trust that it is all for a reason, and that even though I don't always see it, the reason is still there. And then I place a bit of pressure on myself, to be the damn martyr and stuff, but not really, it may look that way to some, but I actually am a strong person, I have learned this stuff it seems, and I do let fly when I need to.
And I still can't help but feel that it all as it should be, even though a lot of it is so obviously wrong.....if you know what I mean.

Anyway, I must have had something to say after all.......hope it made sense.

I feel better now :)

You have a nice weekend people.

Take nothing for granted!

And smile!


9 comments:

Myst_72 said...

You'll be pleased to see him :)

So are you staying on to work at the business now?
Sorry if I missed this somewhere.

Poor Mum :(

G
xx

Debbie said...

I am happy that business is done for you too! Now, have a great weekend.

Sarah Lulu said...

Hello ....nice weather today up here anyway.

I'm sorry about your Mum, I suspect you are right ...

Your son ....remember to breathe and let him fit in ...all the pieces of the puzzle will have to rearrange themselves for his fit ..and they will.

I often ....struggle for a while with other people's plans and how they unfold but I have learnt ...I am not in charge of theirs and even if I were ...I would not know what is best.

You are doing great....

Natalie said...

Aah. Big aah to it all. Big love too.xx♥

Cyndy said...

It's going to be a while before there is nothing to say, Michelle.

And you are right to be concerned for how Josh will react: he has been isolated from the family "situation" for quite a while now, so it may take him a a while to sort himself out, but he has no doubt matured during his time away. Maybe some time 1-on-1 with you or Tahni might help put his head & heart where they need to be before he arrives at backpassage.

Hooray for the done & dusted business!

It is good that the "power of attorney" is just about done. Has anybody talked to you about "enduring guardianship" or "an advanced care planning directive"? Both are legal stuff that may be needed in the future.

Keep on rolling & smiling, my dear ;0)

xoxoxoxoxoxoxxo

Renee said...

I believe too Michelle. I believe in you and I believe what you have to say.

I know you are strong, I feel it from every word you have to say.

It is very hard, very hard.

I love you dear heart.

Love Renee xoxoox

Lisa said...

josh will be ok but he will be different and you need to stand back a bit from that.

you are okay and things feel right, even if to the rest of the world, they seem strange.

enjoy being happy baby, you have earned it xx

Kathryn Magendie said...

You made perfect sense to me -- and your last note to take nothing for granted means a lot to me today....

Kathryn Magendie said...

ps hugs to you, and hugs to your momma too