Tuesday, December 16, 2008


Why am I wide awake at 4 am???


Oh well, the kookaburras are laughing at me so it must be funny

Looks like Shelli is staying at Nexus for a couple more days

I am concerned about her coming to rely too much on a system that cant do her healing for her

but a couple of days will make no real difference here or there

I am concerned about her 15 year old mentality liking being 'sick' and 'looked after' when I know that in real life she has condition that needs work and persistance to recover from

I am concerned that she will travel even further down this self harm road and end up in a place of no return, and that I will have to watch my baby kill herself slowly over the years

I am sure my mother was concerned about me in the same way once upon a time but I dont want to have to wait 20 years to see improvement here

I want to smack the child and shake her and inject experience into her to save her from herself

I want to know how to do whatever it is I need to do or be to help her and yet stay sane at the same time

Dont want much do I!

I just know that this kid is in full on victim mode and dont know how to tell her that to identify as a victim and as a 'sick' person will just make her stay one

How do I do this?

Fucked if I know

One day at a time I guess

And I hope that her psychologist can manage to tell her these things too, she is supposed to be very good at what she does but 15 year olds dont always appreciate whats good for them now do they

Grrrrr sob

I am shopping today, and meeting with case managers and other such thrilling stuff

Bloody xmas is next week and I must chase tenants to pay rent or kick them out at christmas time

There are 4 who persist in not paying and yet have promised manna from Kev will sort it out this week. They will get a rude shock if they dont as I am SICK OF THEM....see how they like being homeless...just call me scrooge ok

Im on a mission in regards to puppies who think my house is their own personal toilet....he now lives on a leash until he 'gets it'...I am tough.

Kittens who play wordscaper are funny but need to learn how to spell and stuff

Darlins who decide books from amazon are a good idea for xmas a week and a half before said date are stupid if they think their presents will be under the bloody tree when santa comes

I need to take acting lessons before xmas too in order to act surprised when I get my present from mum that I have known about all along

It is time to go drink coffee



Concha said...

many blessings

Anonymous said...

thinking of you and your xxx Jewell

Lisa said...

yes and yes- i ordered books from amazon 3 weeks ago and theya re still not here- tell darlin he is dreaming.........
sharing your concerns about shelli xx

Hippy Witch said...

Bless your little cotton socks. Some one up there must have thought you were strong enough to deal with all this, and you are proving them right,that doesn't make it any easier, but there must be something really good coming to you in the near future. Because you have definately earned it. May all your dreams come to you in abundance and Love, Chell. Have a wonderful Christmas, I don't see you often now, but I am thinking of you all the time and sending you love and light.

Myst_72 said...

I think maybe once she misses out on a few things (socially) because she's sick it might be enough.

So maybe try and encourage the social angle somehow?


Natalie said...

It is the bane of parenthood, this lack of filling their heads with wisdom and experience thing. I am with you, it's hard just feeling so helpless in the face of it all.

At least Darlin' has done some book ordering I spose, I wanted to order some too for Christmas from Amazon, but alas, too flogging late now. Darlin' and I are in same silly boat.

Tenants should have been shot at birth OBVIOUSLY!

Good luck to you today, Love You.xxoo