Looking forward

I am looking forward to the day when I write a meaningful post again

It may be a while coming however

As the conversations I have with me in my head these days dont quite ever make it out through my fingers

I am also looking forward to being inspired again one day

I have prepared a canvas

It is sitting there staring at me and has been for weeks

Everytime I go to do something with it, I stop, unable to formulate an idea that is floating somewhere beyond my reach for now

I would normally say to someone else, "just start", but I cant, not yet, not just for the sake of it

Hmmmm

I know I am in here somewhere

Im just not quite sure who "I" is right now

That same me yes, but wait there's more.....

For now its like I am just floating along, doing the days as they come, with no particular enthusiasm or meaning, just doing......

And that, in spite of how that may sound to you, is quite okay with me, weird yes, but okay too

I do feel that I am actually just where I am supposed to be and that the floating is necessary

I will know when its time to swim

and its not yet

I do not question why, that would just drive me insane

Its okay for now

And that is all really

So, I distract myself with silly things, just to keep me awake some days

I think in short bursts

I 'do' the stuff that needs to be 'done'

Its all an illusion you know

This life

The trick is to see through it and begin to grasp the importance of nothing

and just enjoy the 'whatever' as it comes

For now
Remember this??? I almost forgot.....


xxxx