time flows

through all the days

and the endless nights

and in the pondering of tommorrow

I hold no fear

of things past

and times remembered

only to be forgotten once again

in this life

or another

endlessly I float

surrounded by the knowing

and the forgetting

and the secrets of my fear

was it yesterday

I saw you

or will it be some other time

will you know me by my name

what does it mean

this year

this time

this me

somewhere inside

someone knows

that time is irrelevent here

anchellblue

A Happy and Mary New Year to us all!!

Its going to be huge and new and exciting (or not) and I will be driving very very soon.

I will consider a new career in naked mural painting with a tail and stuff 'cause Demitri said so and will support me if I do.....hmmmm

I have purchased ONE single 2 kilo arm weight that my arms shall share in order to get rid of flabby arm syndrome...I will purchase another next week

I will think about going to the gym a lot to work on other wobbly bits and end up walking on the sand at Hat Head and thats all

I know me very well

I will need big arm muscles to lift giant fish out of water when I catch it and darlin' wont be there because he is mad and hates fishing!

I will make a large kaftan for beach wear and leave shorts at home!!

I will feel much less huge next week when it is not that time of the month and I have gone back to normal size (in my head at least)

I still will not care anyway....much

pah!!

I am dedicating this year to being me, warts and all, and doing what needs to be done.

Excellent indeed

Happy-est New Year to everybody!

time to spare and even waste...

Haha!

I am not a calendar til Thursday!

Ha ha

I can be a housework if I want

or a painter

or a reader of many books

or even a lazy slob what does nuffink all day

ha ha

the choices are killing me!

I shall go for brekky at Goldbergs today with various marys but not maryBOSS because she has to be a calendar for just a little bit longer and then can come home to us...yay

I shall clean my damn ceiling fans

I shall make copious lists to do with camping holidays and forget things anyway

I shall drive around in circles in the back street and practise reverse parks in little mary cars that I am not used to the littleness of.....used to driving large van type machines am I, little mary car is much different I have discovered....

I shall spend time avoiding my issues if I please

I shall clean out and baygon my cupboards

I shall even daydream about doing lots of exercises related to reducing cellulite on large wobbly thighs and bottom and toning up underarm area that has sagged alarmingly this year...plurgh...and will not be good swimsuit material at all...must find neck to knee job somewhere, thank goodness for sarongs

Am sure that I wont need swimmers as it is not really summer at all and shall probably snow whilst we are living in a tent for some time

Must restock fishing gear so I can feed fish at Hat Head, as I do rarely catch things but they like me a lot for feeding them for sure...I am a strange woman who likes fishing yes I know...anybody got a yabby pump laying around to share with me???

Might go into backyard and intend to lay around in the sun to work on tan and then give up in dog poo extravaganza disgust.....

Am supposed to be painting girls bedrooms but cant see it happening this week....

I will not be popular but money can only stretch so far can it not!

ahhhh, the endless possibilities...

but first

Goldbergs at 10!

Must find clean clothes ... im sure there are some somewhere.......

karma

Well, its another day, again. Its 6 am, again, and I am awake, again.....plurgh.

Washing machine guy did come and relieve me of $145 to give clothes cleaning device a new clutch (go figure, I thought it was an automatic) so now it goes very fast and needs to be painted red for sure.

Darlin' has now cleaned out pantry cupboard and removed all dust from floors and washed everything that wasnt actually in a drawer ..... he is a good housewife for sure but hasn't read my blog obviously because ceiling fans are still growing dusty rabbits off em....

I have scored 8 new towels for $26. Drawback being they are hot pink and lurid purple (last ones in Big W) but for for that price I can't care. At least they are unholy and have no mouldy stainy things.....yet.

Children should come with manuals at birth.

12 days till driving test....gulp

14 days till sanity threatening 'holiday' with various brats occurs....gulp, choke, swollen gland....

!6 year old boychild has started to wash hair regularily and wear clean clothes that are clean because he puts them in the washing....weird and must involve 16 year old girls somewhere.....plurgh...he should become a priest perhaps so I have a matching pair...I will suggest it to him for sure because I really need another scornladensneer directed at myself from messyhaired hormonal boybrat.....

Have had passing thought that CSV's are taking this path quite possibly because it is ONLY thing that her mother HASN"T done.......

Did find out that one did get, in fact, several ( 3 ) disinctions for obviously not too badly written essays and professional practise modules AND printmaking debacles at school last year...have most impressed self with this 'nomeanfeater' indeedy.

Have also been accepted back to continue learning process next year which is a miracle to be sure...yay...I think

Am very aware that going to work for mother would be a small nightmare but might do it anyway as a way to make some peace and amends for past transgressions that need to be gotten out of system...am starting to understand mother a lot better in regards to why some parents simply choose to disregard their childrens problems/life decisions/ bad habits now that mine are displaying the effects this can have on your state of mind.

Understand yes, take on, noooo.....

hmmmmmmm

Its now 6.30 AM and I have things to not do and a book to read and a window to stare at the sky out of........

dunno...

I would like to report that life is exciting and tell you all of the amazing things that are happening for me and all of that stuff.......but.....

its not and they ain't!

Life is very boring just now.

I eat

I work

I sleep

Thats it...

Ho hum dee dum

And that is actually ok.

My brain needs a rest.

I do at times, most inappropriate times I might add, have brilliant blogging ideas and then pfft, they are gone in the next whirl of shoppers and that is it. Bugger.

I have had some things on my mind recently, mainly reguarding my eldest and youngest daughters that have been a worry.

One of them I am powerless over and the other I am am clueless over.

Clueless I can fix, powerless is a challenge I may as well accept.

Its a funny thing, to be a mother and to try to guide your kids with a blindfold on and your hands tied behind your back and your 'enemy' is god!

Weird and definatley difficult.

Not a situation I ever did think to find myself in for sure.

Very blue star, these girls of mine.

Ah, what to do, what to do, I dunno....

I hate that!

On a brighter note!!!

2 weeks till I can drive my mary, which is good as I think I will need to be a ferry for a while...aaarrgghh

My mother would like me to work part time for her next year for very little money and 'love'

Plurgh

The faeries haven't come and cleaned my pigsty house but darlin' has been steadily making inroads for me. I now have a VERY shiny sink thanks to darlin' and bi carb! And all of the paint stains that I have cultivated carefully have been removed from the bench tops.....

The ceiling fans have fluff bunnies growing off the sides of them.....I must point them out to darlin'...perhaps leave the ladder under them....

I need new towels as all of mine seem to have developed large holes and removerless stains...grrr

Washing machine guy is coming today so fingers crossed that it is only a trapped piece of shrapnel and not a whole new pump being required. If he doesn't show I shall ring the captain for sure! My washing machine/fridge/whatever guy is a lovely man and lets me pay him off if he is too exhorbitantly priced for my current budget of $2.50........

Have decided that a career as a sales girl is not my plan for life.......but is a handy xmas cash earner for sure, but you most certainly need to choose a nice BOSS....

Have observed that lots of people have far too much money to waste on supposed bargains at this end of the year and that they should give me some for nothing and shall henceforth wear a large sign with a bucket around my neck saying "NEEDY MONEY GIVEY SOME" Eftpos accepted.....That should do it for sure don't you think?

Take away is not a healthy food range and I need to remember that when walking around Coles in a daze trying to figure out what to feed the hoards.....

Mary car has two beautiful new tyres WITH tread on the inside and outside and all sides that are hidden or not......and is awaiting brake and blinker arm surgery as we speak.

I am glad I don't have a credit card but I REALLY REALLY WANT ONE!

Im off......toodle pip!

following orders

I am here oh bossy ones!
A little ragged around the edges to be sure....
but here none the less

I did survive christmas days at mothers...it was even quite pleasant

The many laybys went down well

I have a new watch from my children

My washing machine has blown its top....I am hoping its just a stray something needing to be released from its prison in the pump!

I may need a captain!

more to come after I am actually awake......

Its quiet in blogland.

To all of my friends I wish a Merry Christmas,

whatever it means to you,

and send you my love and the bestest of wishes.

See you next week!

AHA!

I am 1,286,719,841 seconds old....

no wonder Im tired!!

Gosh, and getting hundreds of seconds older by the hour..........

REMEMBER THIS AT CHRISTMAS TIME

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game,

while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year,

male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter,

usually late November to mid-December.

Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.

Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer,

EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen,

had to be a girl.

We should've known...

ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost!

still kickin'

Gawd.........

soooooo stuffed am I.............

did Garden City TWICE today, once for shopping and once for 14 yr olds haircut........

cut the tops off shelli's bikini when unwrapping layby.......not schmick

Lovely lady let me return them as they were wrapped very stupidly......not my stupid this time

Car needs a new tyre and brakes......four letter word!

I need new face and a big packet of grey hair coveruperer

my feet have forgotten what no pain feels like

23 sleeps till license getting for sure, maybe 22, not sure now

calendar club tommorrow

5 more sleeps till #%$@** santa comes

am blogging from compulsion

am going to bed now

goodnight

sleep tight

I will

z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z

I am alive....

I am, I think...

Been a huge few weeks for me. Life has been relentless for me just lately. Not in a bad way, just a very busiest way.

I have not actually had a 'job' for many a year now and it has been good for me to experience working for someone again. Its nice to feel trusted and appreciated and has been very good for my self esteem for sure.

I dont like working for rude angus and robertson book ladies though....no, not at all do I like to be told that I will be UNPAID for my 5 minute toilet and take a deep breath breaks that happen all of 3 times over an entire day! I much prefer maryBOSSES that say quick, go to the loo and have a smoke while you're out there before the next wave of crazy customers comes. Much better indeed.

Today I have been to my mothers (who wasnt there, phew) to visit my beautiful sister and nephew. Twas very nice to see them and we will go shopping (AAARRRGGGHHH) tommorrow which may not be so nice as mother will be coming too. Oh well, I suppose to bury hatchets one must actually spend time with such people...plurgh.

This is nephew, Breock.

What else? Hmmmmm...

Dunno, the days are passing in a sort of blur right now and just doing what needs to be done is exhausting.....still it is getting done so thats good.

CSV is home for 10 days and that is very good.

School is winding down and that is terrible!

Darlin' is a superman and my hero.

Its 25 days till I get my license, I refuse to entertain any other possibility as I am a good and safe driver and will be just fine on the day for sure. I will have a driving lesson too, just to be sure. I can be sensible when the need arises!!

Saturdays work effort killed 6 of my beautiful nails so I have given up on nails for now.....binned and good riddance. Nothing wrong with stumpy fingers for sure!!!

My mary car got to go for a decent drive today to Tanilba Bay and has proven herself to be of superior driving skills...excellent. Darlin' is impressed so thats good. She has guts and good steering and brakes and is very beautiful too. Except for big bird poo on wind screen that I am too scared to wash off in case I cause a hurricane or some such thing....

Ummmm, I think thats just about it....life is a blur but all is well.

Excellent!

Have you seen the latest Micheal message?
Click on Raihn's link in the side bar

and

Another fine Dr Meg message
http://www.spiritlite.com/newsletter.htm

AAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH

I HAVE TO GO BACK TOMMORROW........

SOMEBODY STOP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

almost there...

I am almost organised for sh*tfight day!

Much goodest.....

Have almost got everything done...I think.

Now, if I can just survive an entire weekend of Charlestown Square I will be extremely lucky!!

Got small firearm under big hair and hidden knife up pants leg.....can of mace down bra.....baseball bat for under counter...large rosy quartz rock....marshmallow bubble......bullet proof vest....

yep

yep

got it all

okay...

Im goin' in............................................

ha ha

A Russian couple were walking down the street in Moscow one night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose.
"I think it's raining," he said to his wife.
"No, that felt more like snow to me," she replied.
"No, I'm sure it was just rain," he said.
Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing.
Just then they saw a minor communist party official walking toward them.
"Let's not fight about it," the man said,
"Let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing."
As the official approached, the man asked,
"Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?"
"It's raining, of course," he answered, and walked on.
But the woman insisted, "I know that felt like snow!"

To which the man replied, "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

update on very not exciting stuff

After battlin' with a touchscreen that did need to be touched 15 times before responding I did finish silly test with ALL questions answered correctly and am now booked in for driving test on the 11th of January.

Hah...

Only 27 more bloody days to go........

I don't understand ....

• how MaryBOSS keeps on going day after day in that hell hole
• how I keep going somedays when I have so much to do
• why hives happen
• why so many people wait til the last minute to do xmas shopping and then wonder around like assholes being rude and obnoxious
• why barramundi man is?
• why I have to wait 29 more days for my licence when I have been waiting for sooooo long
• why darlin has an ear infection and my ear hurts
• why houses dont clean themselves
• why I am not a bottomless money pit
• french or italian
• why I am still writing this list when I have no more to say

Tommorrow I sit my drivers knowledge test and book in for my driving test.

I got to sell Barramundi Man a girlie calendar today! Lucky me....

I am an L plate!

20 things I like about me...

1. My sense of humour
2. I am a good friend
3. I can listen
4. I will work my butt off if I need to
5. I will work my butt off if a friend needs me to
6. I am loyal
7. I am fair
8. In spite of everything I can still be innocent in some ways
9. I am brave
10. I love well
11. chocolate (had to throw it in)
12. My animals love me
13. I see both sides (frustrating at times when one wants to be right!)
14. My big hair and my paintbrush
15. I have GUTS
16. I will either kill for my kids or kill my kids at any given moment
17. I don't hold grudges
18. I can admit I am wrong
19. I am open minded
20. I am

grrrrr....

Bloody grumble snoff... egypt... snoff snoff grumble ...........

"My creative process"

Very busy but had to blog something!

Am officially fine free.....no thing holding me back from getting my license...no thing at all....
except about 30 more days......grumble snoff plurgh.......

As lovely (snoff) Rylah keeps reminding me, 16 days till sh#tfight......yay

hee hee

my feet are cold (grumble snoff)

love santa xx

aha!!

This would explain why I am covered in hives this week....mothers...plurgh.....

lovely zyrtec for sure!

http://www.whatsuponplanetearth.com/latest.htm

where are I??

Busy, busy, busy.......

I will take credit for lovely storm though as, yes, I did indeed wash my car this afternoon......thats every single time, first I washed her and it hailed tennis balls, then I washed her and it rained ash....I was expecting a tsunami this time.........small mercys etc

30 days till I get my license!

Off to paint.......

http://www.starchildascension.org/starchild/december2006.html

This is interesting and etc....

I am stuffed.
Absolutely, completely knackered.
I have been dreaming strange and awful dreams for days.
I have been working in high frenetic energies (ie: charly square).
I have been fighting my absolute anger with my mother for so very long now. This will be resolved some time soon I am very sure. It has been denied too long and needs to be released appropriately somehow.......
I am weary.

All is well otherwise.

I am a christmas!

ho ho ho hum xx

excellent things

• being more than big hair
• hindsight
• maryBOSSes that stand their ground with yukky people and win!
• marys who care
• laybys that are already done and only require picking up........
• not having to think about what to buy ones kids for xmas anymore
• drum orders and calender club shifts
• water
• coffee
• contradictions
• remembering the sequence of cash register buttons under pressure
• cats who don't pee in drawers they are trapped in all day

Not so excellent things

• mothers
• mothers who call on your way to charly and harass you on the bus so you cannot yell at them
• mothers who KNOW ALL and don't hear and relegate you to small speechless child status in the blink of an eye
• not being able to speak when one is angry
• hunger
• needing to pee when surrounded by 6 deep frantic calender shoppers waving cash and cards....
• cats who hide in drawers and get trapped and aren't seen for a whole day and thats why they are VERY hungry
• little fish who die and big ones who eat their eyeballs
• chocolate
• mothers ..... plurgh...knowing that to move on one must move through mother type situations and so must continue to relate even though you want to run far far away very very fast and hide where its safe...aaarrrggghhh

big hair and a paint brush

Yes, there is more to me than just big hair and a paintbrush.
I have been pondering the lovely wishes and comments made to me by various rose cottagers over the past weeks.
About what people see when they look at me.
Its funny isn't it, how we spend a lifetime, it seems, cultivating an image that we find acceptable, to show others and say to them..."this is who I am".
Yes, I have big hair, and yes, I paint and am artistic, but is that all I am?
No.
Is that all people see when they look at me?
My surface?
I hope not.
I have spent the last 5 years of my life trying to recreate and find me.
Who I am and what I think and what I want have all shifted and changed drastically and hopefully grown and evolved into something more closely resembling the real and true self that I am.....I am not who I used to be and yet I am still exactly who I used to be...interesting thoughts for sure.
What is it I want people to see when they look at me?
More interesting still.
Who am I?

Hmmmmm....

mary

Im going to get the mary prints done this week.

Who wants one?

They will be $12 each....

Let me know.

Now, Im off to point at badmen with a curly stick for maryBOSS!

sometime when....

In the coming weeks I have plans. They are vague and yet certain.

I am unknowing and yet wise.

Im not quite sure what this means....

I must stop smoking

I must open myself to the energies that patiently wait for me to remove myself

as my own obstacle.

I must accept who I am, whoever she be....

I must trust

I must write

I must paint

I must ASK

but first

I must do christmas!

details....

First let me say that our drums take MANY MANY hours of work to make......

Then I will say that a plain drum with no design sells for $180, a workshop is $180 at the moment......soon to be $220 next year.

...and that a painted drum such as the ones below would be sold for anywhere between $240 and up depending on how difficult you make it for us........I mean how complex the design.

A REALLY simple design (with a drum attatched) would be about $200.....

Then let me say that any mary who wants to order a drum with whatever dragons and such on them as they like can have it for $220. That is several hours of my guts slogging for FREE.

If one is thinking "oh my gosh, how expensive is that, that mary must be MAD" etc etc.....then go and do some research and come back and tell me how inexpensive our drums are...because they ARE.

Designed drums like ours usually sell for $350 and onwards on the net (and thats US dollars!)

Am sounding defensive now....oops

Any hoo I shall be at the cottage tonight or email me at wolfbear23@hotmail.com
only please dont if you are a nut! I have'nt got time to deal with strange weirdos etc....not you mary you can email me anytime for sure.

Important Notice!!!!!!!!

Any marys who wish to order drums before christmas should do so NOW so that we can organise our busy schedules and make sure we have enough materials for all.

Any marys who do order drums NOW will get very good prices for sure!

I WIN!!!!!

Not to be outdone ever, I have rushed out to retravision and spent 4,000,000 bux on the biggest tree EVER......I have put Tahni under it just to prove that I also have the most beautiful daughter who is very stylish........shame we can't afford presents now.

Or food......

Now who's got the smartass smirk huh!!!

Gosh...

And....

just to prove that I don't sit around all day playing with photoshop,

heres the drum I painted today

Hope your all having fun at full moon with dragons while I am attempting to amuse my poor self.

did you know....

• that fake do it yourself nails are much cheaper than getting 'nailed'?


• and that they come up pretty good, schmick model type hand things happening, lovely


• but pop off when you do real things like take clothes out of the washing machine


• and melt when you put them near fire or stains for drums


• and paint soaks right into them and doesnt come out


• and keyboards eat them


• and they poke you in the eye whilst sleeping

This is all very interesting and for one day, at least, I am going to have long nails.

Tommorrow I shall bite them off for sure and it will serve them bloody right.

announcement

Just letting people know that I will not be running the planned artyfarty workshop this Sunday.

They will start up in the new year when I have had some time to sit and plan rather than wing it and hope for the best!

This will work out better for all concerned.

Me included. I have quite a few commitments at this point and would like to plan a kit for all so that costs are more reasonable and so on.

I will let you know when I do!

tree trauma

Who sais xmas was fun?

Stoopid idjit...

Did decide to set up festive tree today.

Dum dee dum, la de da.....ho ho ho

DRAMA.

First had to make darlin climb in garage roof to retrieve tree from where it was thrown in disgust last year.

Then much vacuuming and rearrangement of lounge area and putting away of vast quantities of school things that had been waiting for many moons to be put there (away).

Then undo box and discover feet for tree aren't in there ......hmmmmm.

Okay, must be in bag with 4,000,000 decorations then.

Searching searching searching for bag of goods......

searching in linen cupboard...

then in wardrobes.....

then in art cupboards....

then in garage roofs...

FRUITLESS SEARCHING

No decorations.

None anywhere to be found.

Oh oh.

Bugger

No feet for tree either.

Quick trip to go lo in order.

One tree, 40 bags of decorations, many little lights and angels and bells and bows and balls and candy canes and about $5000 later we came home and proceeded to set up tree.

Cat likes tree and wishes to repeat last years 'cat hanging by neck til almost dead' episode immediatly.....and eat lots of strings of silver tinsel just to make kitty litter festive as well as festy.

So, another tree done. Took pic quickly because it will never resemble anything this neat and organised again.

HMMMM

On lighter note I am now best mother of son in the world as son has brand new toy for under tree (supposedly but has been tested much so far)......

Have done a guide drawing for a lady and am in process of making two drums on order by some marys or otherwise not marys.....

This is my day so far.....not rested yet am I for sure.....

need to go back to school so I dont have to do housework!

Plurgh

I have decided that I want to be one of those immaculatly coiffed and dressed little tiny stick thin girls that traipse around Charlestown Square with their little shoesies flashing their tanned legs and pedicured toenails and their tiny little impractical handbags and wallets stuffed full of cash, dripping with diamonds and gold and doing their entire xmas shop in one day off a list a half a page long!

NOT

Well, maybe, just to see what it was like as I have never experienced ANY of these states in my life.

I am the one with the mad and wild jungle knotted down her back, gritting her teeth and punching people out of the way with 4 small kids in a trolley being held in with handcuffs and balls and chains, 3 of whom are screaming incessantly, for the last batman spin mobile for my son, oh hang on that was a while ago now....

Ummm, okay, I am the still the one with wild tangled hair (ran out of good conditioner) limping miles around the shops trying to see whats on sale where so I can afford to buy the much larger and still screaming brats their hearts desires and fumbling around in my HUGE HANDBAG SIZED wallet that is busting at the seams because it is full of unpaid bills and bloody layby dockets, no cash, that you can only find when you dont need them of course. I am the one with the permanent frown from doing sums in head and trying to make 2 and 2 equal 6.

Yes, that is me........

Oh well, jingle bloody bells to all I say.....merry merry whatever.

Its only once a year.

Thank gawd

for upduffers

hee hee

ho hum....

Yep, thats right, ho hum.

I am bored.

My feet are hurting.

Today has been hot and slow and blahblah.

I rang my mother this morning.....

Had a little chat about phonecall that you may recall me blogging about some while ago.

Interesting.

I left making this call until I was quite sure I would not be a yelling uncontrolled maniac.

And I wasn't.....

Much good.

Let her rant a bit and then suggested that perhaps we should start again and spend some time getting to know where each other comes from.

Very mature of me of course.

Am now committed for xmas day...plurgh...the things you do.


In reality I suppose maryme's recent post regarding sisters and such had some time to be pondered apon by myself.

I may not like my mother's behaviour very much sometimes but alas, she is my mother regardless and she does love me and I do love her......strange old world.

She is not always an ignoramus and sometimes I am an ignoramus.

Such is the way of the world and I really cannot imagine how one would wipe ones history with someone as important as a mother from their life.......

I would not like my child to feel that way about me.

So, all smartassy stuff aside, I will give it a go.

Gulp.

She does scare me much........