Saturday, December 09, 2006

big hair and a paint brush

Yes, there is more to me than just big hair and a paintbrush.
I have been pondering the lovely wishes and comments made to me by various rose cottagers over the past weeks.
About what people see when they look at me.
Its funny isn't it, how we spend a lifetime, it seems, cultivating an image that we find acceptable, to show others and say to them..."this is who I am".
Yes, I have big hair, and yes, I paint and am artistic, but is that all I am?
No.
Is that all people see when they look at me?
My surface?
I hope not.
I have spent the last 5 years of my life trying to recreate and find me.
Who I am and what I think and what I want have all shifted and changed drastically and hopefully grown and evolved into something more closely resembling the real and true self that I am.....I am not who I used to be and yet I am still exactly who I used to be...interesting thoughts for sure.
What is it I want people to see when they look at me?
More interesting still.
Who am I?

Hmmmmm....

16 comments:

Cyndy said...

You're very introspective, 'Chell. Who, or What Do You want people to see? I guess that's entirely up to you. In the flesh, or over the blog...are they the same??? Does it matter? Why should it matter?? I guess that few of us are brave or secure enough within ourselves to make it unimportant...we are very conditioned to believe that what we present on the outside is more important than what's on the inside....
I don't really know you, yet I do; the freedom of the blog allows you to present only what you want.
You are important, relevant, and loved, because you are YOU <3 <3

Kathleen said...

I feel that your artistic ability is a vehicle for you to be able to answer the question of who you are.

Blessings,
Kathleen xOx

Jewell said...

You are so much more than artistic or creative....but that is also what makes up part of you. i think alot of the times people willsee in you what there wish of in themselves. so in your case your creative and artistic fare, and your big hair of course. But you are also Mary of the most beautiful soul and we do see this.
J X

Jewell said...

Dear Anchell you are so much more than your art, yet it is so much of what makes you, you. Sometimes people will only see things in others that they wish in themselves.
Your beautiful soul always shines through and this is also what we see.
Jx

Anchell said...

Thankyou marys. Sometimes you wonder you know....

Rylah said...

Artistic stuff is the first thing people may see, but it is not the only part of you. I see you struggle daily with some issues of confidence and self worth, but you know what? You keep on doing what you're doing and you do it with pride and beauty and connection and trust - even if it doesn't seem like it sometimes. That's what I see. What you are is so much more than even you can know...
And Cyndy's right, in the end, it doesn't really matter. We all love you for you. And don't forget that people can see beyond what you present on the outside - and we still love you... that's the greatest affirmation there is. Do you love you, is all that truly matters...
Love, Rylah xXx

Cyndy said...

Phew. I'm glad that it worked....I was worried that I was very busy on my rant, and that I spent all that time typing and re-typing and then editing, only to lose it.....I can hear you saying.."whoa..you lost it ages ago".... ;))))

rainbowspirit said...

I see a beautiful woman who is wise beyond her years. She is infinately caring, encouraging and supportive of all around her. I see a woman who walks her talk and lives her life according to her beliefs and with obvious connection to Infinate Spirit. I see a very REAL person who happens to have the most gorgous big hair and is an amazing spiritual artist. I see a true friend. Thank you for everything, especially being YOU.....

Kaia said...

One of my favourite Wayne Dyer Lines... "Your opinion of me is none of MY business!"
When I met you I saw a woman who is travelling through her life full of integrity, honesty and a newfound freedom that comes from having trudged a really hard path. She is caring, passionate and eager to learn, her confidence is building daily and yet she does not strike me as someone needy or demanding. I consider myself, when I stand next to you, to be standing beside a Sister, an equal, a woman of great courage, spirit and strength of character.
Hugs for you! K.

Raihn said...

funnily enough I dont see big hair & artistic ability foremost when i look at you- more than anything I see strength and depth. The fact that you are now big haired and artistic is only a bi product of the fact that you are & were strong eneough to get yourself to this point in life........your wisdom calls to me, more so than any other soul i know- there is something about you and even you dont know it yet......i think we were together on Avalon........

Anchell said...

yep, me too

Raihn said...

and ofcourse i love you.......just the way you are.......

Anchell said...

me too!

Raihn said...

people love & respect you, the big hair makes you less overwhelming & like darlin, you do have a massive presence.........you are a formidable duo

Anchell said...

hmmmm

rainbowspirit said...

i agree