Thursday, June 04, 2009

a word to my teenage daughters



Dear girls,

As your mother I find it my duty to let you in on a few little secrets, just between us girls you know.....these may make your lives easier in the long run, wisdom passed down through the ages and all that stuff......

Firstly...

The bathroom is actually not a magical self cleansing apparatus. Hair does not climb out of the sink unaided and plugholes do not clear themselves......the toothpaste doesn't wipe itself off everything and wet towels do not dry themselves in between showers...trust me on this, I have hair all over my hands. Hair can, amazingly enough, climb up the sides of the bathroom wall and end up near the ceiling, Ive been watching for years and still haven't managed to figure out how it does this....also, the razor I have hidden in my drawer? The drawer that is filled with MY stuff, as in stuff belonging to me only and all that jazz, that is actually mine, not a free for all.................seriously!

The magic house work fairy does not exist...I know, shocking but true.....and if she did she would now be officially on strike!

Having your bum crack hanging out the back of your jeans is soooo not the look you are hoping to achieve! Trust me on this one.........mother knows best!

Breasts are naturally occurring phenomenon and will not disappear back inside your chest, no matter how much you slouch....

And that pile of dirty washing under your beds.......I'm not going there...no matter what, but I would like a couple of towels back as drying myself on face washers holds absolutely no appeal what so ever!

One last thing, when you use the kitchen and things melt all over the inside of the microwave?

I will see them eventually and yes, I may yell a bit that day.......I apologise in advance okay

Oh yes, washing the dishes requires the use of HOT AND SOAPY water okay.

And possibly a tea towel :)


19 comments:

Renee said...

har har har

Especially wanting the towels from the room as you are drying your face on a mini towel.

Can you tell I relate.

xoxo

Butler and Bagman said...

Oh yes...with boys too...I'm thinking of converting your manifesto to be more male gender specific and pasting it on the bathroom wall except that the teenager has become an adult and left, his son at 6 months can't read yet, and it would confuse Karen because she would read it and, thinking she had pasted it on the wall for my edification, assume she was coming down with Alzheimers.

Bogey said...

ROFLMAO....you tell 'em Mom! Now seriously, will this be a regular feature with updates or do you think they will get it the first time? Me thinks not!Magic hair....who knew? xxx ;)

jewell said...

very funny...think they'll listen?!!!

Anonymous said...

This post is full of LIES.

Eugene Swan,
House Elf MP

Audrey said...

WHAT??? Are you serious??? The bathroom DOESN'T self clean? Girls, I am as shocked as you are to hear this! Sheesh!

Strawberry Girl said...

Wow, shattering their bubble of innocence already are we? ;p

I think I will share your wisdom with my own daughter. :D:D:D

Natalie said...

Go Eugene! or is it Eugenie?

Good luck with it Chelle.
No ipod, no phone, no computer usually sees the mess fixed pretty quick at my place. :D xx

Snowbrush said...

Having only dogs, I can but imagine.

Hippy Witch said...

Love it, go Chelle, sadly the day they will remember this is when they move out of home and have to clean their own house.

Jen said...

Oh I so love this.

Mind if i pinch it too??

I soooo totally get the bum crack thing too... frikken hilarious

xoxo

Barry said...

We needed this post when our two girls lived at home.

Maybe I should make a copy for them to give their children?

Daria said...

Too funny ... I have no children ... and often wonder how woman do it.

You are a star for keeping your cool ... and your sense of humor.

HeatherScot said...

just as I got my teenage son to be neater and clean up after himself (well, not totally but at least he hangs things up and his dirty clothes make it to his hamper) my teenage daughter began being a royal slob. I venture to say she is WORSE than my son ever was.

angela said...

You go girl!
I have one of each and both are as bad as each other.
Not to mention the dear old hubby.
I think, he thinks we have a maid.
WE DO NOT.

nollyposh said...

Lol! Ya forgot the toilet cleaning bit (My PET hate!)...

Sarah Lulu said...

My son ..has a very special way of washing the dishes ....what's left in the sink would easily make soup!!

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Slyde said...

tell it, sister!

ive been trying to hide my breasts for years that way... i agree it doesnt work.

Kathryn Magendie said...

:-) Glad you received the Tootsie roll pops- what do you think?