Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Life in general.....

We watched Mamma Mia last night

So funny and I love Meryl Streep....what a woman!

Now I am itching to have a little fun

I wonder if I'm still capable?

The weird thing about being me right now is that I don't know how to be 43 and single

I don't know how to do the go meet someone new thing

I don't have a drinking, party type life style

I don't want one particularly

Ummm, I don't even have a life style right now :)

Not that am adverse to a night out or anything, or someone else having a drink or two in my company, not at all....

But where do you meet people?

A dilemma to be sure

I am wondering what I will do when all of this is over? Where will I be? Who will I be?

I am wondering what I want......I DON"T want to be in that office after the end of this year, I know that much. Not the way it is that's for sure.

I WILL be painting more and maybe I will go do an art class to get my eye back in

I might like to go back to art school, finish my Diploma?

I dunno really.....

By the end of this week I will have some sort of answer

About something

One would hope.....

Ten weeks without a ciggy now....

Mum is kicking along.

She has no energy, can't bloody breathe, can't eat, is losing weight and tying up her affairs.

That's just the way that is.

I hate it and find it hard to go there some days.......literally.

I go and cook a meal and we all eat it and she has a spoonful and looks pleased with herself for forcing it down.....

This is just my brutal honesty, all about me, I don't want my mum to die.

Who will I be without her?

Who will I blame?

Who will be my 'safe place'???

How will I be the damn 'matriarch'?

I am so not ready for that........

This really sucks and it's breaking my heart every day.

So, yeah, bring on the fun.....I need a little something

Is that fucking okay, because I feel guilty for wanting it?

Ahhh, so there it is.....


Sarah Lulu said...

Bring on the fun ...I say!

Bring it on God for Michelle ... (and me too please) and passion.

Lisa said...
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Chrisy said...

okay universe...listen up now...please please send Michelle the love, passion, peace that she needs...heard's on the way?...okay...big thank you...
ps lovely look no more than 33 girl!

Michelle said...
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Bagman and Butler said...

Fun is good. Although despite Bagman and Butler, I'm not sure I have a whole lot of it either except in my head. Head fun is good though. Do anything.

Cyndy said...


no guilt needed.

you're not Jewish are you?

Wendy said...

The strength and raw truth with which you write are simultaneously beautiful, heart-breaking and inspiring!

Renee said...

It is totally fucking okay Michelle. Totally.

It is a hard spot.

Love Renee xoxo

Daria said...

Michelle, I sure like how candid you are ... where you talk about how you don't want your mom to die ... I wish I had that much courage to share my feelings.

angela said...

You deserve fun and no its not selfish.
Good on you for giving up the cigarettes.

nollyposh said...

Yes it's fucking okay right!!!
Hee! Hee! Just checked Renee's comment- knew she would say that! X:-)