Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Life in general.....
We watched Mamma Mia last night
So funny and I love Meryl Streep....what a woman!
Now I am itching to have a little fun
I wonder if I'm still capable?
The weird thing about being me right now is that I don't know how to be 43 and single
I don't know how to do the go meet someone new thing
I don't have a drinking, party type life style
I don't want one particularly
Ummm, I don't even have a life style right now :)
Not that am adverse to a night out or anything, or someone else having a drink or two in my company, not at all....
But where do you meet people?
A dilemma to be sure
I am wondering what I will do when all of this is over? Where will I be? Who will I be?
I am wondering what I want......I DON"T want to be in that office after the end of this year, I know that much. Not the way it is that's for sure.
I WILL be painting more and maybe I will go do an art class to get my eye back in
I might like to go back to art school, finish my Diploma?
I dunno really.....
By the end of this week I will have some sort of answer
One would hope.....
Ten weeks without a ciggy now....
Mum is kicking along.
She has no energy, can't bloody breathe, can't eat, is losing weight and tying up her affairs.
That's just the way that is.
I hate it and find it hard to go there some days.......literally.
I go and cook a meal and we all eat it and she has a spoonful and looks pleased with herself for forcing it down.....
This is just my brutal honesty, all about me, I don't want my mum to die.
Who will I be without her?
Who will I blame?
Who will be my 'safe place'???
How will I be the damn 'matriarch'?
I am so not ready for that........
This really sucks and it's breaking my heart every day.
So, yeah, bring on the fun.....I need a little something
Is that fucking okay, because I feel guilty for wanting it?
Ahhh, so there it is.....