Friday, October 16, 2009

That's it!!!!!!

It's official

I give up

Letting go

I seem to have become stuck lately, in a place where I was imagining my
shit was actually important.
And yeah, it is, but not to the extent I have been making it for myself.

This just made me miserable and needy and kept me side tracked from my PURPOSE right now.

My purpose right now is to help my mother die.
I was just trying to forget.

Tonight I was reminded of this by watching her pain while waiting for drugs to kick in.
I have been absent for a while.
I think I am back now...
Next week I will be telling my 'boss' he only gets 3 days of my week or he can go jump.
Next week I will get my life organised in to something manageable.

Tonight I will throw my hands up and hand it all over to the powers that be..

It's what they are waiting for I know...
there you go


This pity party is officially over.

I'm back.

If not, well, I'll just fake it till I make it people.

That works too :)


Jen said...

Love you

Natalie said...

Good girl. We are all here to hold you around the waist, while your hands are up in the air. xx♥

Cyndy said...

Ok. Michelle, you NEED to give yourself time out. You haven't been having a pity party: you have been blowing off steam. You HAVE to have time out. It's good that you are arranging for time off to "do what you have to do", but you have to make time out for you, otherwise you might not even be able to fake it. You are strong, no doubt about that, but you are going to need emotional help and physical assistance on this journey. Seek, ask, insist and receive. You can't be alone on this trip. It might even last longer than you think.

Talk to me anytime. I'm good for it.

Love and Light, Cyndy. xoxox

Barry said...

I'm very touched by your post.

A lot of positive things start to happen when we get our priorities sorted out.

Thinking of you. And you mum!

christopher said...


linda said...

darling, you have lots of support and caring friends out here in the nether lands and you got it right in your priorities, tough as they are...

truth be told, this is extremely difficult and you are one brave lady who will make it out the other side of it! free at last, it will come, sadly but with peace and the dignity you give your dear mother in her time of need, you will continue to hold on to. hang in.

peace and love and kisses to you....just keep on keeping on, pity party or none, who cares, we do what we need to to get by sometimes...that works too :)

and I have a little gift for you at my place when you are in the mood~ well, that's my intention, to get the damned thing published in an hour... sigh... for some reason, the brain has failed me and I am on auto pilot, tough to write a post of GREAT meaning on auto pilot but come get it anyway because I mean it. period.


Renee said...

Sounds like a shitty party anyway. The kind of party where you know you are going to lose the minute you enter.


Michelle said...

Oh shit...I just accidentally rejected two comments! Sorry Lisa and Dianna...FRIK!

Chrisy said...

Yeah I'd be throwing my hands up too...and probably other stuff as well... It's a crappy time you're going through and whatever feels right on the day is the way to to you...

wykd wytch said...

peace and strength to you.w.w.