huh?

Has everybody elses blog gone tiny or am I going nuts???

Moving on..

I grieve for you

who are you my mother
what drove you to pain
why do need me
to live you again

I cannot be
what you think you need
my sacrifice
so you do not bleed

I need to be whole
be all that I know
I need you to leave now
allow Me to grow

I grieve for you
what you will not be
what you cannot..
a mother to me

I let you go
and love you
I let you go
and grieve

I didn’t want
to leave you behind
but your journey is yours
and this one is mine

I grieve for you
and let you go

Namaste

Hmmmm....

Had a weird dream again. I was in that state between sleep and awake (this bits for real) and I could hear radio static/noise in my left ear. American voices having a conversation. Then I must have gone to sleep and in my dream I was still in bed telling someone (might have been my darlin') that I was being tuned in and wasn't it great blah blah....oh well, can't remember any more, any opinions or is it just the obvious?
Feeling a bit down today.
Undeserving, unsure, all that old crap giving me a little nudge. At least it doesn't drown me these days.
Not a happy body, I think I'm fighting an infection somewhere. Guess I have to go to the quack after all.
I'm still feeling that energy around me though.
Last night at the cottage there was a guest speaker who, in the course of the conversation, said that she was being prepared to 'channel' and went on to explain the 'symptoms' of that which are pretty much exactly what I've been experiencing in regards to this energy 'strangeness'. I was thinking that I had a new guide on the way.......hmmmm. We will see. It sure feels like something quite powerful.
Am doing some washing (big thrill) seeings as we have been blessed with beautiful sunshine today. It feels a bit strange not having anything to do. No school. Almost like a holiday except I'm not well. If the yard wasn't full of big dogs and their various by products I'd probably go and sit in it.
definitely no energy to deal with that!!!

I've come to the conclusion that...

• Feather dusters aren't much good for anything (might be good for fluffy bunnies?)
• Cats actually like the taste of stinky fish bowl water, paint water and cockroaches. On the cat planet these are considered delicacies...
• Dogs dig holes because they can
• Teething dogs eat anything! Including palm trees, wood piles, ceramic pots and garden furniture
• Children never like today what they ate last week, with relish and great gusto, but don't tell you this until after you have just cooked a huge amount of it for them
• Organic chicken breast can't be worth $32.99 a kilo. That's half a bottle of Gojigoodjuice!
• Cats don't like cat food because it sucks
• Meatloaf smells like cat food
• Cats would rather starve and chase you around the house batting at your feet in great disgust than eat cat food
• Kit e Cat is okay, whiskas is not
• Uncle Toby has a lot to answer for and owes me about $12,000
• Short children CAN so put grubby footprints up a bathroom wall, its why they do it that I'm not too sure about
• Toilets do not clean themselves. Ever. Even when ordered to and ignored in contempt and disgust.
• Toilets cannot be manipulated
• Neither can kitty litter
• Dust is elusive. Just when you think you got it all.....
• Cockroaches thrive on Baygon. Humans do not
• I am still an addict because 1000 Goji juices are never enough
• You can never have enough crystals
• 14 year olds like laying in dark rooms looking at walls
• A partial explanation for parents can be found in the dictionary under 'quandary'
• Ditto for teenagers
• Men really are from Mars ( except for my darlin', he's from Orion)
• I like who I am
• The world is a strange place
• It's much easier to express yourself with your hands than it is with your mouth

Truth..

When the pain of staying the same
becomes greater
than the fear of change,
change is inevitable.

What tha....

I have just realised that in the past 4 months my fridge, stove, washing machine, 2 heaters, 2 street fuses ( the ones that cost $130 bucks to get Energy Oz to replace and three jugs have all blown up, blown elements or blown everything else up. Today (while I was painting strange symbols) the fuses blew twice for no apparent reason.

Everytime I am working my darlin' gets symbols popping into his head.

I have been feeling the importance of copper but not knowing why for ages now and just recently was told that it inhibits electromagnetic fields or something like that.

I have been walking through some very intense energy in my house today, particularily near water.

I t has just occured to me (they don't call me fortnight for nothing) that all of the above may have some relevance to each other.

Opinions???

Whats it all about???

curiouser and curiouser...

Why is it that sometimes pictures will post and sometimes they refuse to admit they exist??

Why do I feel like I have the flu and yet know it's not the flu?

What is this 'energy' I've been walking through all day? When it hasn't been walking through me!

Why is my body here but my head somewhere else?

Where is my head?

Why do I have the feeling that everything is about to change?

Why does that exhilerate instead of frighten me?

It's all pretty strange. The synchronisities and events of the last few weeks have been very, very odd. Yet not. It's almost like living deja vu. Know what I mean?? I know you do.

The earth is waking up. We are waking up. People all over the place are all experiencing these same things. Enter the x-files music.....

My sister in blue, Raihn, (http://raihndrops.blogspot.com/)is recieving messages that explain, confirm and awaken. My little sister Jaqui is having epiphanies all over the place and recieving beautiful symbols to show us the way. Goodness knows what I am doing. My darlin' is doing his thing with his drum and shamanism for the earth. My friends are awakening, people are popping out of the woodwork to help us see the way. Are we looking? Of course.

Guess its time to go down the rabbit hole and see whats looking back .....

Check this out...

I knew it! More confirmation! Hold on to your hats guys, this could be a wild ride.......
http://www.starchildascension.org/starchild/shiftdoor.html

Groaning, moaning and philosophising

Well, I'm here. I think.

If you have ever been run over by a truck (and I have but thats another story) then you will know exactly how I am feeling today.

My body has been screaming 'not fair, not fair' at me all day and I have no choice but to agree with it. I have made an executive decision that this body and I are not doing workshop week this week, we have had enough. We need rest and time out and to play and sleep and that is exactly what we are going to do.

I woke up this morning and aside from the usual exhaustion after a day such as yesterday, where I did eleven guide drawings in 6 hours, my left kidney is very, very sore and my throat is full of crap and my head was spinning.

Not feeling nice and definately not a happy body.

So, I have slept lots today, drank lots of water, taken my Goji juice,eaten well and feel a little more human tonight.

In between all of this my mind has been amusing me and trying to make me feel guilty for not being superwoman. Oh well. I'm listening to the pain today head.

You know, I have been umming and ahing about Goji juice and the price of it and blah, blah and then I was reminded that once apon a time I was more than happy to pay for a bottle of spirits everyday and once apon a long time before that, my drugs and the price of Goji, something that is really good for me suddenly was a bargain. Perspective is a fine thing isn't it.

At Tafe we have been writing an artists statement. Or I have been trying to but not coming up with much in the way of direction and what it is that I want my work to say. Today I had the answer.

The essence of who we are is love and colour and song. Thats it.

If I can create a piece of art that expresses that, in the slightest way, then I have done it.

Spoken, been heard, touched, felt and shared.

I want people to look at my work and, even if just for the briefest moment, go into that place and just be. If I can do that then I will have done what I set out to do. Planted a seed, lit a spark. Does that make sense?

My other thought today was regarding that place we call the 'void'. I have lived in that place, when my life was at its worst and also, now, experience that other space, the opposite.

The void is a place inside where there is nothing. The space that we come from is where there is everything. Both places are inside of us and we make the choice about where we want to be based on how deserving we think we are. We forget that we created both of them. To get to the one, it seems, we must go through the other. I wonder why?

Blah, blah, blah...

Feeling a bit disconnected today. A bit unsure. The last two weeks have been really high energy for me and I felt like I was flying for a while there.

All very well and good. So, today I am definately earthbound and definately feeling it. For two days at 'school' I have had no energy and no inspiration. I have spent all of my me time working on these new paintings. Maybe thats it. Maybe I've just put all my energy into that and not left any for me?? I don't know. All I know is that I feel flat. I wagged school today and went back to bed this morning. I am just about to have a second shot of Goji juice. I am listening to nice music and playing with my paint. I have my meditation group tonight and, all in all, a quiet day planned. Take away for dinner, I might vacuum the floor, or not, whatever.

I am alone. Sometimes that feels strange to me. I suppose its been a huge week emotionally. Can't know.

I have an even huger week coming up.

Tommorrow we hold our monthly drumming circle, always high energy, then Sunday is full on at Sue's for Healing Day (Guide drawings all day non-stop and usually take homes) and then its workshop week at Tafe next week.

For me, workshop week will involve a full day of enviromental lectures on Monday, a field trip to the mountain forest (lovely) and camping overnight (not so lovely considering the temperature) which takes up Tuesday and Wednesday. Then Thursday and Friday its back to Tafe to compile all collected materials and come up with an artwork to do with saving our 'green corridor' here in the Hunter Valley.

I have, of course, chosen the most intensive workshop.

My head needs reading but it seemed like a good idea at the time. Gawd....no wonder I'm exhausted. It's in advance!

too tired...

Im worn out.
Worn to a frazzle.
Its an effort to hit the keys.
Its late.
I love you.
Yes........you.
Sweet dreams.
Goodnight.......

oh...this is mine.

Well, it's sold so it's actually someone elses but I did it.

I was having a Mondrian moment...

'night

oops...

I have had it brought to my attention that some people might be thinking all of the artwork I've put on this blog has been mine. No, no it isn't. Some of them have been mine or bits of mine but mostly they are just images I really like. In future I will say so if it's mine and that will be okay.
Having said that, this IS mine. Just finished and one of the new ones I was talking about in a previous post. I've never worked like this before and I just got lost in it.
Please bear in mind that this is taken in my kitchen at night so its not perfectly true to colour, AND I'm not a photographer.
Phew....

Ritual chooks and cats on heat....

Thank you for the comments oh wise one...yes you.
I'm finding myself rather amusing today.
Recieved an email from my sister asking why she got a phone call from an hysterical sobbing mother we both know...and so it begins, web weaver extrordinaire my mum....anyway, so I told her and I haven't heard back yet. The family pattern is that I get into the trouble, my sister is the good girl who tries to make it all better and still keep lots of distance in case it rubs off....hmmmm.
My poor little cat is on heat for the first time. This is sooo funny. She spent yesterday and the day (and nights, not funny at all) before wondering around the house yowling her little head off looking so confused about it all whilst peeing down every drain she could find (okay, that wasn't so funny either, bleach is good, I love bleach) and so, after spending last night in the cat box in the garage (not cruel, we need sleep) she is now rubbing herself all over the furniture and slinking around the place presenting her bottom to anything that touches her (including my darlin' who doesn't know whether to be disgusted or amused) looking for a boy cat to 'play' with ( I have known some women like this...). I feel so sorry for her, she's not quite sure what hit her. How long does this last Jaqui???
Yes, I'm getting her desexed so she isn't inflicted with this anymore.
I am hereby recommending highly, to anyone who cares, two albums by Bliss. Flying Free and One Hundred Thousand Angels are just doing it for me at the moment...beautiful stuff.
My lovely friend Elizabeth seems to think that we should be performing ritual on our dead meat. I think that she is probably right. However, the beasts that come here to be eaten are thanked and blessed and that just about does it. I have however found something in the fridge that definately needs ritual..... and burial!!!!!!
Back to painting...I love blogs.

Life is good...

Wow, I'm overwhelmed with the response I get to these blogs. It's certainly very therapeutic isn't it. You know for sure you're not alone in your head when people are so caring and leave you a comment on your 'stuff'. Thankyou ladies, I feel loved.

Another day as per usual for me. Up at 6, wake children and my 'darlin' at 7 and pack 'em all up with their lunches and send 'em off to their respective schools. Five minutes for breathing. Then its on the bus into town for art and stomach supplies and bus back. The bus ride back was interesting, I can actually maneuver myself, a giant plastic bag with 5' x 3' foam core sheets in it, a green bag full of 120 kilos of dead animal and various foodstuffs, a smaller bag with paint in it (precious!) and a 6 pack of loo rolls up the isle of a bus containing approximately 400 people, most of whom are a wee bit overweight or lugging small children. I'm amazing AND I didn't smack any of them in the head with my various appendages. Phew, and so now I'm here.

I'm doing guide drawings at Sue's healing day on Sunday and am trying to have some of my art ready to go to that as I am interested in peoples reactions to it. It can be so difficult to put myself out there, on show, so to speak, and every time I go through the old 'what on earth am I doing stuff' and every time I receive wonderful feedback and that gets me out the door the next time. I suffer seriously from not good enough syndrome but am getting there slowly. Faith in myself, my higher purpose (whatever it is) and my spirit guides and helpers is gaining more and more strength in my heart and soul and I am just so bloody grateful, at some point, every day of my life.

I am loved well.

Now, off to paint, I love Tuesdays.....

Life is funny...

Oh boy, when you ask for help from the universe it sure can come in funny ways!
I spent Saturday doing an angelic workshop and in this process experienced healing on a deep cellular level, it was quite amazing at the time, (and painful!!) and obviously works. We did an exercise on the solar plexus chakra (yellow) and removed and released old stuff that we didn't need at the time. All very well and good, I blithely told em to take it all........trouble is I think they may have done just that.
Two days later I've got my mother on the phone giving me her better than usual guilt trip about how selfish I am and blah blah the family will fall apart unless I change into goodness knows who, how people I have purposefully chosen not to see (5 years ago! For my own survival!) need me desperately to fix up their lives for them and how the whole planet knows I don't love her and the war in the middle east must be all my fault.....you get the picture? My normal mode of dealing with this person is conditioned deep inside and I nod and hmmm and let her rip me to shreds everytime just in case, get this, I HURT HER FEELINGS. Well, not today. Michelles mouth opens and another voice comes out and tells her that I'm not doing this anymore and that its not alright for her to keep ringing me up and telling me I'm shit because, actually, I'M NOT.
Never mind that she immediately went into how could you do this to me mode....I did it. I told her what I thought, when I thought it and only shouted a little bit, to be heard over her shouting of course. And when she tries it again tomorrow I will tell her again, calmly I hope, the reasons I find this objectionable. Trouble is, she doesn't hear me when I say things nicely. I didn't abuse her, just spoke loudly.
When I think how I've spent my entire life letting this narrow minded, possessive person rule me and abuse me and teach me how to hate myself I could just spit!
Yes, I am a bit angry, that's okay. It's what I do with my anger that counts, I let it go with love not let it go at her. Well, not much anyway.
Yes, I am a bit sad, this is my mother I'm talking about. It's taken me a long time to realize that some love is harmful.
It's a big deal for me to speak my mind to a woman who used to render me speechless as a child (in fear) and as an adult. Funny how much power we give people we are conditioned into believing are the best thing for us.
So, I let go of my fear of my mother knowing what I think and her ability to use that as a weapon.
I let go of my need for approval.
I let go of my wish for a 'normal' parent. What is that anyway.
I let go of being 'owned' by another person.
I let go of my anger about not being kept safe.
I let go of my anger and hurt for being rejected when I was dying and needed help.
I send my mother love and light and love her for who she is and not who I think I need her to be. She lives in fear and I will have compassion.
I will not accept abuse and manipulation in my life anymore.

I hope I live up to that!!!

I guess I know what my dream was about now!

Whats it all mean????

Well, having a lazy-ish day today. Minimum shopping. Painting something that hasn't told me what it is yet.
I had a very strange dream last night, which in itself is strange as I rarely remember dreams. In it I was saying goodbye to my family and friends because I knew I was dying. My kids weren't in it and neither was my darlin'. I think it was my parents and people I havn't seen for a while. A long while. It's all a bit fuzzy but it was one of those things that you know means something but its not making much sense....
oh well, any thoughts on that girls????

Musings.....

Did I make the right choice when for my children by raising them entirely free of religious education and influence.....I decided somewhere very early in the piece that I would not inflict the confusion, the guilt and shame and the 'moral values' of religion on them and that it would be their own personal choice, as they grew up, whether or not they needed 'god' in their lives. At that point I was a very confused and resentful girl. I was raised by divorced parents, one of whom was a Jehovahs Witness, (yep, I was one of those kids that knocked on your door and made you feel guilty/disgusted/whatever), and the other of whom had mad resentments herself......totally mixed veiwpoints for a small child to observe and absorb!
Anyway, I still believe that it should be a personal choice and one led to by your own experience and observation and, of course, intuition. Even now, when I have found my own path, whatever it is and wherever it takes me I certainly know I'm on it and no-one can tell me it's 'wrong' or right.
I do not have a name for my spirituality, it just is, and to try to shape their belief into my own mould seems hypocritical and just wrong to me.
So, I answer their questions if they ask them, as best I know how, and live my life the way I do without forcing them to join me. I see the empty hole inside each one of them and pray that they fill it with whatever it takes for them to feel connected whenever they feel the call to do so. I hope and pray that they do not turn down the avenues of self-destruction that I did whilst trying to both find and deny myself. I try to live my life honestly and with integrity and to show them, by example, that these things work. I also know that they have their own paths to tread and my job is to bring them in and keep them safe and then let them go......'christian' society would have me an irresponsible parent I suppose but history isn't telling me that religion is love and kindness and that's how I want my kids to 'see god'.
I hope I'm doing the right thing.
Only time will tell...........

For Jaqui

Hello there....

Can you see her hiding there?
Eyes closed tight, shaven hair
Wounds a’weeping, bruises bright
Squinting now, to see the light
I can feel her hiding there
I long to stroke her shining hair
To hold her close and whisper
Everything will be alright
Come with me, my little girl
Take my hand into this world
I will hold you
Keep you safe
from harm
From viscious lies and twisted rantings
Strange dark men and evil pantings
Women who would spit apon your innocence
Children cruel and lovers dense
Encourage you, no need defense
I will hold you close by me
Together we can look and see
That its okay to grow up now
Come my child, I’ll show you how
Open up those shining eyes
And look
Look apon the faces here
There is no need for you to fear
I lead you here, to this place
to look apon your little face
to see the wonder, the great surprise
when you open up your eyes
and see
that everything will be alright
I can love you now
My child inside
There is no need for you to hide
From me
For I am you
And you are me
We’re not alone for we are we
Side by side
Inside each other
You be child
I’ll be mother
We’ll give each other
What we need
No longer will our
spirit bleed
Come stand by me
And see the light
There is no need
For us to fight

-hello there

Yay!!!

Well, its Saturday now, yay, and the school week is over. I am always exhausted by the end of the week. So much to do, so little time to do it. I've been surfing around on the internet looking for information on symbols and walk-ins that resonates with me and I'm going to share what I find that feels relevant. When I have my own opinion I'll share that too!
Right now my mind is chock a block full of questions, ideas and a great deal of confusion, so I won't share that. Clarity is coming....I feel it.
Going to Rose Cottage this arvo to do a workshop with Karen Brown and looking forward to that and to spending some time with my soul sister and getting my 'batteries' recharged.
I have been observing people in the art world this week and the question that comes to mind frequently is
" Why do these people have to intellectualise everything to death?"
Art, to me, is an intuitive process and by intellectualising it you lose the meaning in the very attempt to express it. Does that make sense??
I have been 'recieving' some really exciting ideas this week to do with my artwork and I can hardly wait to start playing with them. It's all about colour and symbols and how they (the symbols) are actually 'activators' in a subliminal way to our sub-concious, they 'wake us up' and help us to remember the stuff we've forgotten.
I would really like some feedback on this because it feels really important.
Something to do with why I am here.
Anyway, must stop blogging and tend to teenagers stomachs so I can go be spiritual with a clear concience (how do you spell that? Blank head...)


Manifesting
Manifesting is the ability to give three-dimensional reality to an idea, concept or thought. In order to manifest successfully, that is, to bring an idea into physical being, you need to be very grounded, very connected to the earth and your own physical body. Doubt, fear, stress and too much humility are the biggest blocks to manifesting your dream. Imagine being so aware and focused in your thinking, so connected to the earth and alive in your body, and so present and powerful, that you can know with deep trust and conviction that you can manifest, anything you want for your highest good!

Thought for the Day......

Marianne Williamson on Love (from Return to Love)

"Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and prejudices and the acceptance of love back in our hearts. Love is the essential reality and our purpose on earth. To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life. Meaning does not lie in things. Meaning lies in us."

Questions on my mind today

1. Why am I so tired today?
2. Whats with all the amazing ideas dropping into my head the past few days (probably something to do with Q1)?
3. Why teenagers think you can't hear them swearing at the top of their voices in the next room?
4. Why teenagers NEED magazines that cost $12?
5. Why these same people's waists are actually hips and pants need to be 4 inches too long so they can be dragged around on the ground and develop huge holes that rip and tear their way up the entire leg of the pants and therefore necessitate the purchase of a new pair every 6 weeks in time for the very important dance/movie/whatever that is on TONIGHT???????
6. Are bum cracks fashion accessories??
7. Why is my shampoo the only decent one in the house?
8. Why am I screaming at the alien child while I'm typing this just because he wants to cut off the internet for only 5 seconds while I'm using it?
9. Who used my razor and left microscopic hairs all over the bath? Again? Was that you Lisa????
10. Why am I the only person in this house who knows how to clean a toilet/cook anything that isn't cookies and curry/straighten a rug and fill up the jug?
11. Why is art history important?
12. Why I used to laugh at my mother and grandmother for needing a super dooper magnifying mirror with spotlights to pluck their eyebrows when I am sporting a rug on my forehead and I can't see anything there unless I'm standing on my left leg with my right leg curled around the light-fitting with all the fluro and halogen lights on and the curtains open whilst juggling a tiny pair of tweezers, a floor to ceiling mirrored wardrobe door and a lawn mower, with my head outside the actual window at precisely noon when the sun is at the highest point in the sky?
13. Who put that black hair in my mustache? Oops, I meant soft fine downy fair upper lip hair......
14. Why wont this #@%&@@ blog machine let me put a picture on it...aaaarrrrgggghhhh....
15. Why is my period due today.............................

For My Darlin'

Naked - by Bliss

Here I stand before you naked like a child
One more time I come before you,
just to be by your side, coz...

You are my haven from the storms.
You are my fire, you keep me warm.

Words cannot express the thanks
I have inside my heart.
Poets couldn't write it, painters couldn't
paint this kind of art.

10 things I am grateful for today....

• My past experiences. All of them. They make me appreciate who I am today. They teach me that what I do today, I live tommorrow. Live each day with truth and integrity and tommorrow holds no regrets.
• My children - they keep me grounded
• My Darlin' - he lifts me up
• My friends - they pull me out of myself
• My mother - she did the best she could at the time
• Rose Cottage - a place to learn me
• My teachers - all of you
• My cat - for being a rug surfer extrordinaire and making me laugh
• Books - so much wisdom to be found
• Love

Reflections on the past...

Today is my big girl's fathers birthday.
Malcolm passed over from an accidental overdose when Tahni was seven.
She never got the chance to know her father.
There were reasons for that of course. At the time they seemed relevant, but later....regrets.
I always thought that I would see him again and that we would share this special child one day but that was never to be.
If I knew then what I know now Mal, I would never have deprived you of the pleasure of her. I would have known that people are not perfect for a reason. I wouldn't have been a hypocrite.
I would have loved and appreciated you much more than I was capable of at the time.
I don't feel responsible
I don't feel guilt
I don't feel shame
I feel regret for the waste of you.
I thank you for our daughter, she is a light in the world.
I send you love and light on your journey my friend.
Namaste

Truth as I see It...

I believe....

• Secrets are toxic - your own not other peoples. They fester and grow into yukky, ugly things like guilt and shame.
• We all end up in the same place reguardless of belief.....if you don't know where you are going any road will take you there.
• That I can do anything. And so can you.
• That love makes the world go round.
• That Lisa's nose is red because she's allergic to wheat and that's why my bum looks big in this!
• That I am a spiritual being having a human experience.
• ...in angels
• In truth and integrity being the foundation of living comfortably in your own skin.
• Forgiveness is VITAL.
• ...in Raihn
• That I love and am loved, well.
• That we are all perfectly imperfect.
• ...in Snake Bears
• That I am very special. And so are you...and you....and everyone else on the planet.
• That we NEED a sense of humour to survive with our sanity intact.
• That I probably shouldn't have put Lisa's nose and my bum in the same sentence.

HaHahaHaHa

What happened to the agnostic, dyslexic insomniac???
He lay awake all night wondering if there really is a dog!

I'm sorry for that. You will never be inflicted with one of my jokes again. I can say this because this is the ONLY JOKE I CAN EVER REMEMBER.

33 things you may not know about me...

1. I was born and grew up in Sydney. Filthy place and why I chose to raise my kids here.
2. My eyes are blue
3. Lots of the time I'm scared of stuff but do it anyway
4. My hair wants to go grey but I'm not letting it
5. I have four children 13, 14, 16 and 21. (3 girls, 1 alien)
6. My crazy mat surfing cats name is Lilith. She belongs to my daughter Kayla but I'm claiming her. Even though I don't like cats.......sure
7. I don't understand child abuse. How do people justify it to themselves
8. I am an addict. I just havn't used for 5 years
9. Part of me is still 7 years old and screaming silently behind my eyes
10. My bum looks big in everything!!
11. My partner is my best friend
12. I have 2 dogs. Bear boy and Cassa
13. I find it hard to deal with authority figures and feel equal to them
14. I drink too much coffee
15. I have too much stuff
16. I also live with 2 fish (Gutz and Little Guy), a budgie (Minty) and a mouse (Mrs Hudini)(for obvious reasons)
17. I own 10 belts and don't wear any of them because they make my bum look big in this
18. I used to have big hair and wear headbands (gotta luv the 80's) (god, I'm old)
19. I still have big hair, it grows out of my head that way...
20. When I was young I wanted long, straight blonde hair
21. My neck, shoulders and back hurt all the time
22. I have 1 sister, 3 half brothers and a step sister and brother. I am the oldest child in my 'blood' family
23. I don't like my mother very much
24. I love M & M's
25. My boobs used to walk into a room before I did. Now they just slink in beside me...(old, old, old)
26. My bum has always looked big in this
27. My nose is not red.....sorry Lisa couldn't resist
28. But it is BIG
29. I smoke
30. Iwant to give up smoking very soon
31. I love my life today
32. When I close my eyes there is an eye looking at me
33. Sometimes my heart hurts

The Meaning of 8

8 is august/leo - fire, passion & strength
in the tarot number 8 is the strength card - lea- control of all situations through love - soft control

8 is also infinity - turn it on its side & it is the infinity symbol

8 = strength - the strength you require is being given to you - or you are asked to do major things at a time when the universe is supplying the most strength.

Thank you Lisa for this info.

A day of rest?

This is me, poor tired little Pisces fish.......
Well, its been a long exciting week and I'm paying for it today I think. Can't seem to get out of my own road. Thats okay, I needed to slow down. My energy levels feel a bit more balanced anyway. No more cloud surfing for me today...
Did some painting, very colourful so far...I love colour, it just sings.
Did some more shopping, one day I will get organised and do it all in one go. I've been saying that for about 40 years I think. But then I'd miss all the bargains....

I found this little bit of wisdom in a novel I'm reading.....I thought it was quite apt.
"...think of Michelangelo...he expressed a vision by creating through the medium of paint, patterns of colour. The paint is of vital importance but in the end its the pattern that matters and the pattern that can be reproduced in another medium..." (Susan Howatch- A Question of Integrity) ( I can so footnote teacher of mine!!!)
Talking about the body (the paint) and the soul (the pattern) and how reincarnation works. Bit profound thought I!

I need to find out what all the 8's are about. I've got 8's going on all over the place and have had a realization that everything of major significance that has happened to me, over the past 8 years is linked to yet more 8's. Might be time to research numerology???? Ahh, but when to find the time?

Have decided to use spell check or else hire a proof reader. And I fought I was educated proper....

Time for this body to retire.....must brush teeth.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Walk Ins - part 1

Walk-ins
Walk-ins are people from other dimensions who have walked in to the body of a person here on earth. In all cases there is a contract made before the host, the original soul, is born for this to occur.
Walk-ins use this method to enter the earth plane when their mission requires that begin soon after they arrive. Their mission necessitates they skip the birth and adolescent stage and come into an adult body. This is not always the case. Some walk-ins come into much younger bodies, but this is more the exception than the rule. When a child walk-in occurs, it is because the soul coming in needs the experiences of childhood and adolescence as a foundation for their mission. Childhood and adolescent walk-ins usually don’t awaken until they reach adulthood.
Indications of a walk-in are:
1. Usually occur during a traumatic event in the host soul’s life such as a severe illness or a car accident. Many come in during a near death experience. This is the most common way for walk-ins to exchange places, but it is not the only way. Yet, most all cases the walk-in occurs when the host is unconscious.
2. They all of a sudden, have little or no connection with some family members.
3. Divorce occurs usually within 3 years after the walk-in has arrived.
4. Ongoing physical pain in the neck and shoulders that wasn’t there before the walk-in.
5. Loss of coordination and memory lapses. Trouble with speech.
6. Sudden change in tastes such as food, clothing and decor.
7. Sudden loss of interest in career and hobbies. New ones are found along with a sudden interest in all things spiritual.
8. Strong knowing that they have a mission to accomplish though they may not remember what it is at the present time.
9. Some walk-ins have memories of their home world or ship. They even have memory of their incarnate forms being sustained through a form of cryogenics (spelling?) that is far superior to ours.
10. Walk-ins usually carry the Crystal Gene. Walk-ins have a more challenging role on earth because they have spent most of their incarnation on another plane of existence and then come to earth in the middle to later part of that incarnation.
http://www.angelicinspirations.com

Another day another lightbulb...

Things I did today

Only 2 loads of washing, thank you sunshine

Stared into space for about 20 mins. I usually need to do this for much longer before becoming human, thats why I rise at 6 for a 7 o'clock start most days.

Went to Bunnings. I love Bunnings but it sends me broke. My partner cringes when I say I need to go there and to the art supply shop. Anyway, I got the board I need to stretch my paper for Lisa's Blue Star Child picture. And a tool box. And some tacks.....and.....

Went to Woolies and bought yet more food to feed the ravenous hoards that live in my house and eat up all my income. What doesn't get spent on hot water ends up down the toilet eventually. I'm thinking about getting all my money direct debited to Woolworths and Energy Australia to save me the bother of giving it to them.

Went to the afternoon with Karen Brown at Rose Cottage ( see link attatched until I can get my other links sorted out). http://raihndrops.blogspot.com/

Karen is a beautiful Angel Intuitive who led me to having several more epiphanies of the light bulb oh-my-gosh-i-knew-that variety. We are doing another workshop with her next weekend and it will be wonderful I'm sure. She was very confirming also about the information I recieved the other night regarding the 'walk in' stuff. I'm posting some info I've found on here after this.

(I refuse to be a grandmother just yet. I know I did it to my mother when she was 38 but that doesn't mean it needs to be perpetuated.....)

I have decided to 'create' a workshop working with colour and symbols and I think the aim of it to put people in touch with or even activate their creative energy flow. Its one of those things that have been drifting around in the back of my concsiousness for ages and the time is now right. Having lots of those moments this week.....look out world

Was told twice this week that I am always connected to the universe. That explains lots but more on that another time. Its like Im a tree, a really, really big open crown chakra that just gets things dropped into it to be passed through to the earth (healing energy and one of the main reasons I'm here) and passed on to others, an energy boost if you like. Thats how I understand it so far anyway. Glad I'm not trying to be profound here....

Stretched paper in preperation for tommorrow. Stretching paper is simply soaking a piece of watercolour paper and then gum taping it to a board to dry so that when you apply a very wet medium, such as watercolour, it doesn't buckle up etc.

Cooked 5 dinners and ate one of them.

Mucked around with my funny kids. A house full of teenagers is sometimes hell and other times side splitting. I have a 14 yr old commedienne who doesn't ever get into trouble because you can't yell convincingly when you're rolling around on the ground wetting your daks.

Tonight my son spoke more than 4 words in row. Sometimes he says "whats for diiner mum" and then its 5 words but tonight he was positively verbose and spoke whole sentences for at least half an hour....theres hope for him yet. I don't really understand 16 year old boys!

Listened to my 13 year old daughter play smoke on the water on an out of tune guitar with a straight face. God I'm good.

Spent half an hour on the mobile with my big girl (who WONT make me a grandmother anytime soon!!!) and was mightily entertained by her tales of working in the lab at uni and living in the catholic place....more about my catholic baby some other time. She's finding herself her way and she's beautiful.

I am blessed with all four of my kids. Some days I wish there wasn't quite so many of them but they're not going back now!!!

I've posted a picture of one of the drums my partner and I make. We make beautiful shamanic spirit drums and other spiritual healing tools.

And now I'm here....

Oh my goodness..

Wow, I m so excited. I have recieved all these comments and I think I've published them properly but you never know with me and computers. It took me 3 hours to get the bit that I've done figured out and I havn't got the links right.
Hello Nelly, welcome to my world. I will post more info on Avatar as I find it out.
As for the rest of you guys, thankyou, and as for you anonymous, I love you too my bear.
Had a very busy few days. For those of you who don't know, I attend Art School where I am in the process of doing my diploma in Fine Arts and it takes up much of my time. And leaves me quite exhausted most times...its high energy stuff for me but hey, Im living my dream so thats okay.
I'm still flying high after my revelations of wednesday night. I don't understand much but I do know that the energetic effect on me has been enormous.
Isn't this a beautiful painting. Done by a lady named Juanita Williams. I found it in book and try as I might I can't find anymore info on her anywhere. Its inspiring me lots...talks to my soul.
I want to create art that speaks to people on a soul level, in a universal language you know...no words neccessary. And I will. I can do anything. Sometimes I need to remind myself of that, we can all do anything, we just have to move fear aside and "JUST DO IT".
Anyway, more later...

The next bit of the first bit...

My blog is written in the name Anchell Blue (thats me!)
This is my soul name, revealed to me by Archangel Micheal, through my beautiful soul sister, Raihn (please read her blog, its full of good stuff).
My other name is Michelle (thats me too!)
Who am I?
Good question......I am a mother, a daughter, a sister, a lover, a friend, a healer, a survivor of addiction, a drum maker, a student, an artist.....thats probably enough for now, I'm sure I'll think of more later.
I wasn't sure where to start and then I realised that this, for me, is the beginning. So, I'll just start here.
Yesterday I found out that I am an Avatar. I'm not even sure how to spell it but you may know this as a 'walk in' if you are a little spiritually educated (if not keep coming back and I will share what I learn with you)
It feels like today is the start of my life. My new life of getting to know me on a whole new level. And hopefully making some sense of the jumble of jig saw pieces that remain after the rest of them fell into place last night.
I guess I will try to use this space as some kind of journal. A place to share some of me (something I struggle with) with other like minded souls and hopefully you will share you with me too.
I am blessed to live in a world that includes the people I have in my life today and I just know that there are a whole new group of friends just waiting to happen.
So, now we've got that sorted out .....Welcome to My World. I'm very pleased to meet you.

Oops, now what??

Well, hmmmm. Ummm.
Welcome to my blog.
I seem to have created something I'm not quite sure I'm ready for.
Never let it be said that I'm not game!
I will do some research and figure this thing out and see you soon!