Yesterday I went to the beach.
I stood at the edge of the ocean with my feet in the swirling water and looked.
On the horizon there were ships, the water was deep blue and turquoise and the sky a little cloudy.
As I looked and stood I felt, in my core, a peace and gratitude and a radiance that shone, just from me, out into the world, down into the sea and I felt very, very humble and fully alive.
It was beautiful.
I looked to the sky and in this space of peace and love I could see rays of colour shining down into the sea and I imagined them to be healing, the ocean, its life and myself too.
I have had quite a few of those moments just lately.
I spent my night last night in another place of peace, Rose Cottage.
I feel at home there, with those women, my sisters and my friends.
I took part in a ritual for spring that involved a rebirth and a release.
We had to invite what we wanted to come to us and let go of what we no longer needed.
I invited truth in all things and let go of fear. Yay.
I have been searching my heart for a truth in all this that has been happening for me and have come to a place where I just know.
I know that there is truth here.
I know it wears a different face than I have ever seen.
I know its about faith and believing without proof.
About looking beyond the illusion and feeling rather than thinking.
These things I know in my heart to be true.
It doesn't matter what face it wears, I see it anyway.
I am trying to look for the similarities rather than the differences
and to not be taken in by 'glamour'.
I do not think that a 40 year old mother of four who has lived the life I have
has not learnt, by now, to look beyond the obvious.
Maybe that's why I chose my particular life to live and those particular lessons to learn.
I know very well how to fool myself and let my head run my show.
I did it forever.
I have since learnt that what my heart tells me is what I need to listen to.
So, I am.
My fear of what others think just gets in my way.
My fear of my own power trips me over.
My fear of seeming not 'normal' is a fallacy.
My heart knows, my head is there to amuse me.
I am experiencing a feeling of being lost and found at the same time but I know this will pass.
I am both frightened and exhilarated, I am letting go of the fear.
It matters not, as my darlin' would say.
There is truth here and in it is held the secrets of the universe.
There is healing here and I want it, for myself and for us all.
If we do not listen then we cannot learn.
That has been my experience.
I follow my heart these days.
It doesn't lie to me.
And I love......I love
This world is a beautiful place.
I am that I am