Friday, September 15, 2006

on mental illness

I have just read both Lisa and Jaquis blogs on mental illness.

It is indeed food for thought.

My little brother was diagnosed schizophrenic at age 15.

There followed a tormented and terrifying 18 years of pain and denial and misunderstanding, on his behalf and on those of us who love him.

Suddenly, about 6 or 7 yrs ago a new medication was trialled in australia and Alan was one of the lucky few it worked for.

He now lives in Perth and holds down a job in the mines and is earning mega bucks.......Go figure. I am simply grateful for his respite from utter confusion.

Along the same lines, I too suffered from a form of 'mental illness' in the guise of depression and anxiety.

This did indeed rip my world apart for several years and living in a state of constant confusion and pain and fear is no picnic.

No medication worked for me either.

I tried to self medicate via 'the bottle' and ended up a very sick, sorry and disallusioned woman.

However, the remedy for my pain was to be found within myself and once I got past the bottle and the 'medication' I was able to be led (by the nose at times) into an understanding of where and when this pain was birthed.

A long and ongoing journey of self discovery.

Once I stopped looking outside of me for the answers I have found that all lies within.

If I have the guts to actually 'see' it for itself in entire honesty then, and only then, can it be removed.

Its an interesting process.

Sometimes joyous and sometimes incredibly painful, it is all worth it.......in the end I win, because I do indeed, find me.

And guess what!

I never knew her at all.

3 comments:

Rylah said...

So, so true, babe...
I'm glad you made it through...

Anchell said...

Course I did...Im STRONG and I can yell no with the best of em

Kathleen said...

Blessed Be Anchell!

We must have bought tickets for the same ride!

Love to you,
Kathleen xOx