Someone pointed out to me recently that she hadn't been hearing 'me' just lately....
well, maybe so, maybe so
I am in a funny place right now to be perfectly honest.
This blog is my place to be 'my' perfectly honest after all isn't it....
I am in a place where I have absolutely no idea what it is that I am, what it is that I actually am doing or what it is that I really want to be doing.
The trouble with living your life exclusively for other people for a while seems to be that you forget about you in there.
So, someone comes along and reminds you of you and you follow that for a while because it feels right but then that turns out to be not really right either, or anything like it, because really and truly, it was you you were looking for and at, not someone else at all and maybe that wasn't fair but if you didn't know, you didn't know, till you did.
So, here you are........in a place you created, empty of everything but the bare fucking bones of the people you love who are dying and the other people you love who are dealing with that shit and what now people????
I am not happy.
I do not like working for these new people.
I think I will give them a month more of my time and then that will be that. I can think of approximately one trillion more thrilling things I can do with my time.......sweep up dust for example.
Seriously, that job, that office, this circumstance is killing my soul.
While I was doing it for her it was okay, a thing that had to be done.
Now, it is not.
I need something else.
and leaves its mark
etched in tear stains
down my dust covered facade
this is my shame,
and I must live it true
this I was told
by a far greater power
why do I argue