Wednesday, July 22, 2009
I will not inflict any poetry on you today I promise!
I have been having a very reflective and emotional few days
which I probably needed to have, anyway, I feel better now.
Seems like this time now is for purging of old stuff, to make way for new stuff.
I have some really terrible and also really cool stuff going on in my life lately, and though I'm not ready to share it just now, I will tell you that it has me spun. Totally spun.
My mother is a sick puppy this week. Her blood levels were very low when they did the last chemo last Friday, so she has copped the full horror of chemo this week, mouth ulcers, chest crap, nausea galore and swollen throat etc.....poor little mum. Hopefully she will start to feel a bit better now that some time has passed. The sale of this place is in stall mode at the moment and nothing much feels like it's moving.....though it is undoubtedly.
The girls are okay, Shelli has been pretty good lately, no cutting and she is getting stronger, even if she doesnt feel it some days. I am very proud of her. My Kayla is cranky with me for being impatient and short tempered, so therefore she is making me worse and we are banging heads a little, but that's okay, I love her anyway and I'm almost sure she still loves me.....
My dog has even been good and not done anything too drastic recently, mind you its school holidays and he has constant adoration so why would he...still, its peaceful.
I have done a little painting, written a little poetry and done a whole lot of thinking and feeling.
Yesterday I was so disconnected from myself, my life, my 'connection'.....and when I wrote that last piece, it was really referring to my relationship with my kid's dad, not something I want to tell the world about today, but very damaging and not a nice place to touch, even with the amount of work I've done on me and the distance between then and now.....I still pay for that one.....and it doesn't seem fair, y'know?
Anyway, that's me for today....still kicking along, still smiling mostly, still living, loving and learning....
What more can I do??
Maybe some filing