Thursday, July 23, 2009

On my mind on a Thursday....



Well, here I am, it's Thursday again, almost the end of July, another month nearly gone. Bring on September......

God, I am feeling in such a reflective, in touch and very emotional place right now. It's kind of like a light has been turned on after a few years of dimness, and I can see again, you know?

I feel so wide open and ......oh, I don't know, shiny I guess. In the midst of all this tired....

Not in any one way, in general. These past, probably three years, I have felt that I am running on 'wait'...that something has been coming, something huge, and I was just waiting. This year or so just gone has been the ending of the wait, that's what it's felt like, and this now, this is the bit I have been waiting for......almost, it's almost here. I can taste it!

So, I feel that this is why the 'purge' is happening now, a final spinning sweep, a showing of where the dirt still lies....for me anyway, and for so many I know, including some who are very close to me.

I have been existing in a state of trust too. So weird for me, who had a major life lesson of trust to learn, to be able to just sit in this energy and not force the issue, unable in fact, to force the issue, any damn issue, for so long, and still unable to do so, but not wanting to either. Just being able to sit and trust that it's okay, that it will be okay, to let the universe lead me around by the nose and to not feel huge fear over it is amazing. Just amazing. That's not to say I don't feel any fear, because I do, most certainly, but it is not crippling me, you know?

And even though these circumstances are far from perfect, and the shit keeps on keeping on, it doesn't matter, really, because it's not actually MINE, it's just me, helping others to deal with theirs. I hope this makes sense to someone. If not, well, I know what I mean :)

Anyway, the point of it all is just this, I am here, today, feeling all sorts of stuff....FEELING it! And liking it too. ALL of the feelings...the ones I ran from for years too........

The poetry, or writing, I don't know what to call it, I have never had any education about such stuff, has been a reflection I guess, of where I've been , where I am, who I've loved, who has loved me....that stuff. And I'm not done with it, but this where I'm at. Today.

Which is all I have.

So, I feel like I am in a good place, a healthy place and I look forward, even to that which I dread.

Today I have on my red boots, with the holes in the sides from being worn well, and maybe, if I clicked my heels they'd take me somewhere......



On to a different note

Mum is apparently feeling a bit better today, this is good.....

and

I have been given some stuff I'd like to share......



The new Stroke of the Brush Award, which was created by blogger kj in honor of her two blogger friends, Soulbrush and Snowbrush.The Stroke of the Brush Award "recognizes and celebrates the willingness to take risks, speak honestly, act with integrity, and in the process create and share colors and/or words that stroke our curiosity and brush aside our differences."

The lovely Audrey has gifted me with these two awards.....

I don't know Ki or Soulbrush, but I do know Snowbrush, he keeps you on your toes for sure!

Passing this one along to Annie, Barry, my John, Bagman and Butler of course and also to Lisa, whether she wants it or not.

You guys all have something to say and a lovely way of saying it to me, and I assume to others too.

My taste is pretty good :)

And, because I am a spoiled brat, I even got two!



”These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers, photographers poets, humourists and smart a**es.

This one is for all of you.......I don't know anyone who isn't the occasional smart arse, thank god, and every single person who bothers to come here and leave a comment, have an opinion (which is of course you're own business) makes my day, so please know that.




3 comments:

Strawberry Girl said...

Michelle, I am so glad for you! That you're at that place is a good thing!

I'm just barely coming out of a long run of doing stuff to try and get to the peace of mind that your talking about. That's why my blog posts on SG have been rather sparse (plus I bore myself to death sometimes) ;D

Thank you so much for the award I am very honored. Congrats to Barry, B&B and of course John who's been kicking along in life as well.

~Annie

Butler and Bagman said...

Ah...thank you, my dear. Love you lots.

Kathryn Magendie said...

You know, this post reminds me o f a post I wrote on my old MSN Howling blog one day - and something did come - the books publication -- I didn't think of that post at the the time, but in looking back - perhaps that's what I felt coming on....*smiling*

I love this post - and, I know what you mean when you said it may not make sense to anyone, but, yes, it does to me...

{{{michelle}}}