Thursday, July 09, 2009

yeah....


Some days the truth just burns.....

There are times in my life, hopefully every damn day, that I can be quite naive

I actually like it like that you know....

If I ever wake up one day and the world looks like a place where everything is shrouded in a cloud of cynicism and my internal self says "oh nothing new will ever happen to you my girl, there are no miracles here...." well, guess that's the day I'd like to get off this planet....

I like the way that a part of me can still expect great things

Can still look for the magic in the mundane

Can still believe in fairies.....

I find myself looking at these people who claim to know me better than I know myself, this family of mine who have somehow managed to witness my life and yet not actually see much of it at all. Who still look at me and expect the same me from 20 years ago to pop out of hiding and this me (who must be an illusion!) to disappear into the world of false Michelle's......

This me couldn't possibly cope with all this stuff......nooooooooooo

Well, excuse me.......

What the fuck is it I am doing here then?????

Save me the she can't handle it jazz, just bring it on and get it over with already!

Lets get some real in here shall we.....

pft!


9 comments:

Natalie said...

WTF?
I think my father does that to me too re: my previous illness.
You are coping admirably, whoever you are!
Maybe this person/persons have not changed, or grown in twenty years, but I can certainly vouch that you have.At least for the last seven of those years......plain as the nose on my face.xx♥

Strawberry Girl said...

OH GIRL I so get this, my family is just about the same way and I like that your definition of Naivete is having a fascination with the world and a belief in fairies. I am sick of cynicism and I'm going to allow myself to believe again, in magic. Love ya' girl!!

SG

Michelle said...

Guess I'm still smarting a little over a comment made by my mother the other day, about me being too soft and not able to handle the real world (was made in relation to Shelli and also trust accounting of all the stupid things to give a shit about).....I like to think she must have meant someone else.....:)

I could have sworn I was actually living her life here while she is busily dying...wtf indeed.

sigh

Get over it self...

x

Bogey said...

Michelle, you only need worry about the person looking back at you in the mirror. If the two of you are on the same page and you can give her 2 thumbs up, then who gives a rats ass about what the rest of the world thinks. Nobody knows your journey better than you do. Don't let anybody piss in your Corn Flakes!

Lisa said...

shell baby, you can handle anything- we all know this.
there are no false michelles, you are a perfect example of what should be.

Your mum is dying, so she is entitled more than ever to her opinion no matter whether or not she is right.

let me get through the next few days and i am all yours again

smooch

im trusting thAT BAS is still in the picture

Cyndy said...

Idiots! They suddenly decide that you need help now? Delegate, & see what the soles of their shoes look like....

You are amazing, and SUCH a coper. Those thigs alone can rattle some people......

Anonymous said...

sending you strength to overlook the ridiculous....comments that have no consequence will be coming thick and fast as every starts to shuffle the blame envelope to someone else...do what YOU feel is right for you to live with...thats what I am..w.w.

Artistic Accents by Darla said...

Popping in to say hi Michelle and wishing you the best♥♥ Darla
Hang in there :)

Butler and Bagman said...

Hey, beautiful...one day at a time.