Thursday, July 16, 2009
I've been thinking again
A topic of thought of mine this week has been abuse
and the ripple effects of abuse
and the difficulty of escaping it
and sometimes even seeing it for what it is
and how people use things to hold power over other people
and how if you love someone
really really love someone
from your heart
you could never do that to them
Mostly, in my experience, abuse stems from fear
The abuser, in a convoluted way, uses the abuse to hang on to the thing they believe they love/want/need/own.
Ownership is definitely an issue too.
Trouble is you can't own people, or make them love you by force, coercion, submission or will.......if someone tells you what you want to hear because they are afraid of you, well, how much bullshit is that?
Only when the abused step away from this, do they see it for what it is, not an expression of love or need, but a statement of ownership.
And shame, good old shame, I lived with that demon for a long time....
Shame is a cyclic thing. The abused feels shame for allowing the abuse. The abuser feels shame for perpetrating the abuse. They both usually manage to create a cycle in which each of them makes excuses for the abuser, so each of them can stay the same without having to do the scary change thing......
Nothing changes if nothing changes.....
and that's a choice that adults can make for themselves, but who else suffers??
The children of course....
those who have no choice
but to grow up in the cycle
to believe that it's normal
and go out and do it all over again
to be stuck in it forever
or to grow up and out of it
Change........ just how scary is it really??
Isn't staying the same just as frightening??
When you get to that point, where you are wondering what the hell the point is....
Change......that's where it happens
All a choice.....
Anyway, enough of that now
I have been slack on the blog front this week
Life has been a tad intense
Trying to wind up the business stuff and selling a few houses has been time consuming for me
Just being has been time consuming also
It's school holidays and my house is a wreck
This will be time consuming eventually but I'm trying not to think about it right now.......grrr
I have been doing the do, getting stuff done, but my mind is elsewhere really
Am struggling with the no smoking a bit these past few days
but I will get better.....
I am stronger than that, I know