Saturday, December 19, 2009
And the band played tra la la......
That could be good seeings as my day will be full of doing stuff at mums to get ready for the Christmas family onslaught.....wow, next week is Christmas again, how did that happen?
This year has gone by so quickly for me, on the whole. It feels I have come a million miles in some respects, especially the last few months.......I hope so anyway, I certainly wouldn't like to have to do any of those head miles again :)
I guess I have been dreading this Christmas in a way, because it will the last one with mum unless a miracle happens, because it was always a time frame marker, because of a few reasons. But as it is I am just feeling grateful that she is here again, and we get to do this one more time. Without the stress of last years giant hoo ha. This should be fairly laid back and just nice. My brother is coming, Tahni is coming, and my sister and her hubby too. That's it really, except for ex husband for a few hours Christmas Day, with his new kids. How civilised, yes? :)
I'm not really sure how I am supposed to feel in all this you know, and it's really hard sometimes, but on the whole I am just so glad to be here, doing the do, as best I can mostly, and even though it's hard for the kids out here, I am glad they get to do it too. In the long run, they will be too I hope.
My mind turns, at times, to what the future may hold.
To where I will go when all of this is done and dusted, to what I want from my life....and you know, that stuff just all seems not so urgent, and I am trying not to think about it too much.
Things can change in moment and I am not locking myself into any particular expectation right now.
There is movement around me, things are changing and strangely enough, I feel comfortable in all that.
I have learned, over time, that change is a good thing.
Change brings growth and clears out the dead wood in my life.
Change can be confronting and uncomfortable too at times, but ultimately, when things start moving in my world, I get to grow some more.
I don't always like the process but I do end up liking me more than I did when I started.
So, yeah, once again universe.....bring it on.
Just in case you wanted to know, I had a really nice night last night
Have a nice Saturday friends :)