Thursday, December 10, 2009

Angels and demons....

This is our Christmas Swan...we are a bit strange at our house

Thank god it is the other end of this went on forever!

I think I feel a bit better now.
I came home early tonight, after doing the dinner run at mum's and cleaned a few things in my house, like the oven and the damn bathroom, that have been bugging me every time I passed them on my way out the bloody door....

I think I need to just stop awhile you know.....catch up with myself a little, it has been a rather intense month for me and I am very very tired.
I don't expect anybody else to understand why really, not my family anyway, none of them have a clue where I have come from because they haven't experienced it themselves.
This is also the case for some of my friends.
That is just fine with me.....I need people with other perspectives than mine to show me how to be different.

Plus, I need to get my own space in order a little too.
My house is not how I like it to be.
The kids do a pretty good job of it and I am grateful for that, but it's not a mum job, you know? Bits get missed :)
Lots of bits.......

(It's been 5 months since I had a cigarette now!)

There is something really weird going on with my body an unexplained weight gain of about 5 kilos, pretty much overnight, for no real reason?
I have only been eating stupidly for a few days, not enough to explain this, my feet and ankles are swollen and my belly too......I am going to juice fast for a few days and see if that helps and if not, well, the doctor will be seeing me next week.
This is very unlike my normal body behaviour so it warrents a bit of worry I think.
We will see........maybe there is a physical reason for me feeling so fucking out there?

Whatever, I have decided to calm the hell down and chill out a bit.
I don't have to do everything in a minute.
Things will do themselves regardless and I have some other important stuff to do too.
Like put my nephew on a plane home tomorrow morning and take mum to the maul to shop.......groannnnnnnnn :)

Anyway, that's it for me today, my bed beckons........

You wanna know something else??

Chocolate, alcohol, cigarettes and Rob's are just no damn good for me.....

'night night people


christopher said...

I gave up "Rob", alcohol, and I have to give up chocolate?? This is not possible.

Congratulations on five months without cigarettes.

Love you, girl.

Michelle said...

YeAH...I dunno if I can maintain chocolate...



Renee said...

Darling friend:

1. Five months without cigarettes is a huge achievement.

2. Your family may not be able to get you but they should at least all be trying. You try very hard to get all of them.

3. How is your blood. Is it still low?

I'm glad you will see the doctor next week, now slow it down.

Love Renee xoxoxo

Daria said...

I think you are doing an amazing job. Hang in there girl!

Cyndy said...

By all means do a juice fast if that's what you want, but go the the dr as well. You really need to have a few things checked out. It sounds like you have a fluid overload. Actually, it sounds like your whole body & soul are in overload.....

I am so happy about the ciggies! You really are amazing, Michelle. If only I could convince GG to stop! What are Rob's?

My mum was having a few issues way back in the 60's (her evil MIL used to come out and clean up her freshly scrubbed house as "it was filthy") and a very insightful psych told her "Don't worry about cleaning up the house, Sadie: enjoy your life. If you die & there is a wake there, someone will clean it up". What a guy! (I bet his wife cleaned up his house all day and greeted him at the door with a martini in one hand, wearing a fresh pinny and lipstick!)

And who couldn't like a Christmas swan!


Lisa said...

food is apparently my drug of choice and in the last two weeks i have been a junkie supremo- i just cant stop and that is SOOOOOOOOOOOO not like me..........
a great post Mary

regarding Rob- dont you think its strange ( and probably universally planned) that the one guy you do have feelings for, is the one guy that doesnt have feeling for you ( or is not prepared to act on them if he does)?

an observation from outside the circle

Lisa x

Michelle said...

Yes maryme, it is damn strange, but no doubt there is a farking reason for it. I have given up worrying about it though, he obviously was 'just not that into me'.....I could have sworn I knew better than that have such a broken picker freaked me right out!

Natalie said...

Sounds a good plan.xx♥

smiles4u said...

Congrats on not smoking! I just hit the 8 month mark myself. It's good that you are learning to take care of yourself....that you are recognizing when you've had enough...and not everyone will understand us and that's okay...doesn't make them right or better. It just is. Happy Friday.