This is our Christmas Swan...we are a bit strange at our house
Thank god it is the other end of this day.....it went on forever!
I think I feel a bit better now.
I came home early tonight, after doing the dinner run at mum's and cleaned a few things in my house, like the oven and the damn bathroom, that have been bugging me every time I passed them on my way out the bloody door....
I think I need to just stop awhile you know.....catch up with myself a little, it has been a rather intense month for me and I am very very tired.
I don't expect anybody else to understand why really, not my family anyway, none of them have a clue where I have come from because they haven't experienced it themselves.
This is also the case for some of my friends.
That is just fine with me.....I need people with other perspectives than mine to show me how to be different.
Plus, I need to get my own space in order a little too.
My house is not how I like it to be.
The kids do a pretty good job of it and I am grateful for that, but it's not a mum job, you know? Bits get missed :)
Lots of bits.......
(It's been 5 months since I had a cigarette now!)
There is something really weird going on with my body too...like an unexplained weight gain of about 5 kilos, pretty much overnight, for no real reason?
I have only been eating stupidly for a few days, not enough to explain this, my feet and ankles are swollen and my belly too......I am going to juice fast for a few days and see if that helps and if not, well, the doctor will be seeing me next week.
This is very unlike my normal body behaviour so it warrents a bit of worry I think.
We will see........maybe there is a physical reason for me feeling so fucking out there?
Whatever, I have decided to calm the hell down and chill out a bit.
I don't have to do everything in a minute.
Things will do themselves regardless and I have some other important stuff to do too.
Like put my nephew on a plane home tomorrow morning and take mum to the maul to shop.......groannnnnnnnn :)
Anyway, that's it for me today, my bed beckons........
You wanna know something else??
Chocolate, alcohol, cigarettes and Rob's are just no damn good for me.....
'night night people