Wednesday, November 25, 2009

eyes wide open....




I am back

a little bit heart broken

a little sunburned, freshly washed in the sea, sand in strange places :D

eyes wide open now......

I have driven for miles and miles, not quite sure where to be.....not wanting to be home, not wanting to be there, not wanting to be anywhere I was really.....

I walked so many miles along the coastline yesterday that my legs just wouldn't go any
further this morning....

so beautiful there, so beautiful and quiet and clean

I swam, I fished, I saw eagles this morning......being chased by crows :D

I sang loudly to the wide open empty, I danced with a pelican in the sand :)

the rain fell

the sun broke through

I was left alone

I was held close tight

I feel more whole now

I wrote your name in the sand and let the tide take you back

I said goodbye to her in a way and realised I need to make amends, or at least to make sure I have done this as best I can, before she dies......whenever that may be

I have looked closely at myself and loved me just the way I am.....

I say to you, you must take me as I AM, or leave me the hell alone.....this needed to be said by me to ME.....

I have seen my own growth and seen where I am stuck.....I have unstuck me a little I think

I have made choices somewhere deep inside. .......to take life as it comes right now, to allow me to be held if I am lonely, to be held up if I am falling down, to fall down if my legs wont hold me, to get back up again, to seek help if I am confused, to say goodbye when I am not really wanted.

All hard, all necessary.......

eyes wide wide open

oh god, and so afraid

time to stop running now


9 comments:

smiles4u said...

These pictures...Wow! Beautiful. It's good to have our eye's wide open. We don't always like what we see but at least we know where were at and can go from there. It's okay to be afraid. Don't run. ((((Michelle))))

Natalie said...

Happy to see one of my favourite places.Lovely photos.

Sounds like your time away was very productive, Chelle. Love to you.xx♥

wykdwytch said...

Good to hear Michelle. Its such a hard and difficult process as you kind of realise that nothing more canbe fixed or done ...a very strange place. I could not hear the voices through my tears with my dad, but they were there..it was only in his last days and his last moments that I became still and strong and allowed him to leave and watched it happen and was in awe.
w.w.

Cyndy said...

Yes, be still. You can't stop it, so facing it head on is all you can do. Hopefully, your calm will be contagious and she will face it with peace & calm with you.

Share your burdens and accept help. There is room for you in our hearts.

Love you, Michelle.

xoxoxo

nollyposh said...

<3 <3 <3

Renee said...

I see there is transition going on.

xoxoo

Bogey said...

It sounds like your vacation to visit with Michelle was a smashing success. She sounds like a marvelous person. I'm glad you both had a great time!

Sarah Lulu said...

How gorgeous were all your words and feelings ....the photos were also lovely. xx

Daria said...

Those pictures are wonderful ... we have snow here ... would love to walk along a beach right now.

I wish you all the best with your journey.