It is early on a Sunday morning here....
It is a little cool and wet and has been raining overnight.
The birds are singing, the house is asleep.
I have been awake for an hour or so and am still pretty tired.
I think yesterday burned me out a little, all that crazy energy and no where to put it.
I have some stuff to do and say today that has me a little spun.....
That's okay....at least it will be done and then I can stop stressing about it all.
That will be nice.
This week I have been very very aware of my head and my patterns and my very strong desire to escape my reality for a while. Because of this awareness, and because of my nature, as an addict, I have taken steps to keep me safe.
I can see these feelings only becoming stronger in the months to come, as life gets harder and mum gets sicker and whatever else happens ........so I got me back to a place where I know I can be safe.
Otherwise my head could use the excuse that I haven't been for so long, to let me go out and do something I may regret.
I am actually fairly pleased with me for being able to see this and to not let pride get in my way. To be able to do what might be needed for me one of these days, that has been needed this week. It just showed me that I can.
And maybe that was what I needed to know.
Regardless of anything else, I need to keep me and my kids safe.
It's all hard enough without me making it harder for myself.
I need to keep it real and I need to keep it in the day.
These things I must remember, even when I very much don't want to.