Friday, November 27, 2009

Just so I know!

Ummmm, did anybody notice that it has taken me 3 bloody weeks to realise that I am full of fear and wanting to run?

To realise that I am full of fear and wanting to run and yet I am still standing here trying to sort it out?

Do you know that makes me courageous even if I am full of shit???


I have come to the conclusion that inside all of this old angst is a shiny me who is standing still waiting for the rest of me to catch up and that I will actually be just fine.......

I am going to see my father soon, one way or another this has to happen too

My mother comes home tomorrow and I have Palliative Care lined up for first thing Monday morning......she needs more pain relief and poo relief and several other things need sorting, she has gone off food and alcohol and threw up her Sustagen shake yesterday morning. Considering this shake is her main food source we need to sort out nausea too........

I am going to sit down with them, her and Daniel and work out a care timetable of sorts, get us organised a little so we know where we stand and I can see when there are windows to get away and do 'me' stuff.......

I am acknowledging that my little brother is going through this stuff too and is just as much a carer of her as I will be Tahni and my sister and my kids when it is time for all that.

I am NOT alone!

I have taken steps to get Daniel and I into grief counselling asap

I am taking charge again......stuff this fear crap for a not funny joke!!

I acknowledge my fear and I kick it straight in the arse!

I also will continue to work on this me stuff that is coming up......but I choose not to be afraid of it anymore.

Fucking feelings will not kill me!


Sarah Lulu said...

No they won't won't die of the feelings ...we only die of what we do to make them go away.

Yes you are full of courage and spaghetti thoughts ... *smile*

I loved your comment on my blog I laughed and laughed.

You also have me ...if ever you want anything ...

Don't forget ..we girls in recovery have to stick together. xx

Natalie said...

Bloody didn't kill me! Though they tried.
You are doing perfectly, Michelle.xx♥

I will send the book. It is time for Sandra to read it.

Much love.

wykdwytch said...

There are many stages of grief - some you will go through now and some you will go through after.....take your time with each..better to go through it snd get to the next rather than keep going back and for....thats a bitch.
"You can do this, you have to".
A good friend told me that in my darkest hour.
and I did.
I feel for you but I cant feel for you if you know what I mean....

Bogey said...

Your brief respite from all of this appears to have given you some valuable time to temporarily organize your brain cells. Which, of course, will be necessary for the upcoming journey. Hold tight Michelle but not too tight. You want to be able to roll with the flow. I see you have a very grounded support system in place already. Nice!

Cyndy said...

Feelings are always preferable to numb.

You really are awesome!

Daria said...

This is tough stuff ... thinking of you girl.