Ummmm, did anybody notice that it has taken me 3 bloody weeks to realise that I am full of fear and wanting to run?
To realise that I am full of fear and wanting to run and yet I am still standing here trying to sort it out?
Do you know that makes me courageous even if I am full of shit???
I have come to the conclusion that inside all of this old angst is a shiny me who is standing still waiting for the rest of me to catch up and that I will actually be just fine.......
I am going to see my father soon, one way or another this has to happen too
My mother comes home tomorrow and I have Palliative Care lined up for first thing Monday morning......she needs more pain relief and poo relief and several other things need sorting, she has gone off food and alcohol and threw up her Sustagen shake yesterday morning. Considering this shake is her main food source we need to sort out nausea too........
I am going to sit down with them, her and Daniel and work out a care timetable of sorts, get us organised a little so we know where we stand and I can see when there are windows to get away and do 'me' stuff.......
I am acknowledging that my little brother is going through this stuff too and is just as much a carer of her as I am......as will be Tahni and my sister and my kids when it is time for all that.
I am NOT alone!
I have taken steps to get Daniel and I into grief counselling asap
I am taking charge again......stuff this fear crap for a not funny joke!!
I acknowledge my fear and I kick it straight in the arse!
I also will continue to work on this me stuff that is coming up......but I choose not to be afraid of it anymore.
Fucking feelings will not kill me!