Friday, October 06, 2006

these few days past

I've just realized that I've been a bit quiet these past few days in blogland.
Its been a bit like that!
I have been doing lots of painting, a bit of reading, absorbing stuff about me and my life and pondering the direction in which I wish to head.
I seem to have come to a place inside of me where I am no longer concerned about the past, it doesn't consume any part of me, I don't dwell on it very often and I have forgiven myself, and others, for things that weren't well done.
Its a bit quiet inside.
Odd really.
So, now I feel like I am ready to move on to the next bit. I have spent 5 years dealing with the old bit, its time to take me back. And so I am. I don't have any idea where that will lead, or what that will look like but I cannot believe it will be a bad place. I have worked too damn hard.
I deserve this and I will have it. I want to do the things I am meant for.
I have decided to move forward.
I believe that in order to move forward we need to go back, but only to become aware of what needs to change. Its not to blame or to justify or to relive. Merely to notice and accept and intentionally release.
When we were with Robert last Saturday he said that I have been hiding in a'cloud' forever and that I needed to let the cloud go. To step out of my tree. So, I have just started a new painting that has me doing just that, coming out of my tree and stepping into my power. I truly believe that I have lived this life and chosen these lessons so that I do not abuse my power when I remember it. I have to trust that I will not, and I do.
I have been to my first full moon ritual tonight at the cottage and even though I am not a 'witch' so to speak, I certainly know that I have been one before! It was a lovely night, spent with some of my favorite people, and I will do it again. Often.
Its funny you know. I have avoided 'joining' any one path so far, I have been an observer in all that I have learnt on my spiritual journey, not felt the desire or the need to pursue one thing over another and I have come to see that I am ALL of those paths and ALL of those things and that to label myself as one or the other is to put myself in a box and cut myself off from the rest of who I am. I am a spiritual being and I want to experience myself in my fullest. To participate in everything that feels right and good. And I will.
I am grateful for my friends and especially to my mary who is helping me to become me.
I am that I am, whatever face that wears, I ACCEPT.......

Namaste

9 comments:

Elizabeth said...

i love you.....no need for labels or names, just be & go with what feels right for you- look at me , I have to be the strangest ensemble of witch there is- bits of this & that - a spiritual collage.........and it works...........blessed be, Mary x

Cyndy said...

"boxes, little boxes, and they're all made out of ticky-tacky" ...you're probobly too young to remember this protest song. You don't need a label..you will find what you need within..and you are.....

Anchell said...

I do remember that song, Its been in my head forever and I dont know where it came from! More info please muggle???

'Little boxes on the hillside and they all look just the same.....'

Anonymous said...

Welcome back gorgeous...

Shergar said...

Little horses on the hillside, little horses made out of ticky tacky, little horses, little horses, little horses all the same.
There's a bay one and a grey one, and a brown one and a chestnut one, and they're all made out of ticky tacky, and they all look just the same.

Anchell said...

smarty pants!

Shergar said...

I made up new words to the song years ago because my job required me to do 'a turn' one night of the week. I thought it was lame at the time, but I miss it all now.

Anchell said...

and they're all made out of ticky tacky.......now its stuck in my head! Again

Cyndy said...

what did I start?????