Sunday, May 31, 2009

Happy?


Am having an insomniac evening tonight

It was so lovely to get out and see my friends, it seems to have been sooooo long, and it has

And to meet Kerry, who is now my honorary marysister I have decided.....

I have been sitting here thinking about what it is that makes me happy, in light of the fact that I am now feeling rather that way inclined, as opposed to how I was feeling a very short month or so ago....

I think the thing I value most in my life is truth

When I am not living my truth, I suffer

I become depressed and don't realise it until, suddenly, all the light seems to be gone out of my life....I don't paint, I don't listen to music, I don't do anything joyful at all really....and I don't even know it until I make some change or decision and then my soul lifts and I can see again

I'm pretty sure most of you will know what I mean...

When I am living MY truth, as I know it......I feel centered and strong and, well, satisfied with myself and what I am doing.

When I am with people who are not my particular 'truth' I feel dragged down into them and need to get away a lot....

For me, to be happy is not about being ecstatically joyful all of the time, though that is wonderful when it happens, it is more about living each day doing what I know I should be doing, with whom I should be doing it.

About being there for people I love, and letting them know I love them just because I do.

It's about not having an agenda, just being there

It's about not allowing fear of the great unknown to overcome my doing what feels right to me

About doing my best and letting that be enough

It's about feeling things and not shoving them away because they are hard

or ugly

or too painful

or too beautiful

It's about accepting that sometimes things just be that way and that it's okay to cry

About taking the opportunity to love when it presents itself, difficult as it may seem at times

It's about not being afraid to jump off a cliff now and then...

Sometimes the joy is all in the falling .....no matter where you end up


14 comments:

Butler and Bagman said...

Yep, I get it! Particularly the last line which may lead me to find an old poem and post it one of these days. I think the joy is in the falling, and also in the climbing up again, the jumping...the joy is in the verbs and not the nouns.

Butler and Bagman said...

I just posted a poem that was sort of about falling and linked to your blog -- now I'm going to take a nap.

Evil Twin's Wife said...

I'm happy to "hear" the joy in your words here today.

Natalie said...

Yep.xxxx

Bogey said...

This has got to be one of the most gut wrenchingly honest and beautiful posts I have read of yours. It sounds like you embraced your heart and allowed it to start beating again. I can almost hear you smiling. Serenity can be a bitch sometimes. It doesn't mean you won't go thru a storm every now and again but you appear to recognize when it's time to put the umbrella away. Wishing you continued Happiness and Peace of mind! :)

Audrey said...

I would agree whole heartedly with you - our joy IS found in being true to ourselves. You cannot be what someone else wants you to be, and find joy in that!
Lovely post, and lovely to hear that your heart is singing once again!
xoxoxo

Lisa said...

oh yes, the fall- thats all the fun- that is why bungee jumping is so popular

nollyposh said...

Beautiful post <3

Strawberry Girl said...

Yes, I believe you've stated "Truth" and that seeking it will always bring us happiness. I have felt this way many times and it's only when I let other voices mess with my head that I get depressed. (Voices that seek to drag down instead of lift up, voices of confusion). :D

Cyndy said...

The wind and the rush of truth... oh yes ;0)

Julie-ann said...

Hi Michelle, so honest a post. True, be accepted for you in all your thoughts and ideals. Feelings included.
Your such a star!

Myst_72 said...

Hugs to you Michelle,

G
xx

Midlife, menopause, mistakes and random stuff... said...

There is much to be said about the line "To thine own self be true" isn't there Michelle?
I too have to surround myself with my truth. When I wander from that......I feel uncentered.....
Beautiful post!!

Steady On
Reggie Girl

Linda said...

This week I had to look at life from my mother's eyes and as much as I want to make her better, she wants to leave this life behind and I have to let her go. So, I am helping her go with as little pain as possible and with family love surrounding her. Your poem inspires that kind of braveness. Thank you for sharing.