Sunday, May 31, 2009
Am having an insomniac evening tonight
It was so lovely to get out and see my friends, it seems to have been sooooo long, and it has
And to meet Kerry, who is now my honorary marysister I have decided.....
I have been sitting here thinking about what it is that makes me happy, in light of the fact that I am now feeling rather that way inclined, as opposed to how I was feeling a very short month or so ago....
I think the thing I value most in my life is truth
When I am not living my truth, I suffer
I become depressed and don't realise it until, suddenly, all the light seems to be gone out of my life....I don't paint, I don't listen to music, I don't do anything joyful at all really....and I don't even know it until I make some change or decision and then my soul lifts and I can see again
I'm pretty sure most of you will know what I mean...
When I am living MY truth, as I know it......I feel centered and strong and, well, satisfied with myself and what I am doing.
When I am with people who are not my particular 'truth' I feel dragged down into them and need to get away a lot....
For me, to be happy is not about being ecstatically joyful all of the time, though that is wonderful when it happens, it is more about living each day doing what I know I should be doing, with whom I should be doing it.
About being there for people I love, and letting them know I love them just because I do.
It's about not having an agenda, just being there
It's about not allowing fear of the great unknown to overcome my doing what feels right to me
About doing my best and letting that be enough
It's about feeling things and not shoving them away because they are hard
or too painful
or too beautiful
It's about accepting that sometimes things just be that way and that it's okay to cry
About taking the opportunity to love when it presents itself, difficult as it may seem at times
It's about not being afraid to jump off a cliff now and then...
Sometimes the joy is all in the falling .....no matter where you end up