Sunday, May 10, 2009

'mothering' sunday my arse

On Mothers Day last year none of us really knew if mum would be here for this one

I am very glad she is

I would like to write a long and meaningful post about Mothers Day and what it means to me

but you know what

It is just another day right now

I had 3 phone calls from mum last night, I think the nose clot thing freaked her out, and then she found all these broken capillary things on her legs when she got changed for bed last night. I think she was a bit pissed actually.....I think I will ring the hospital

She is scared.

She said to me that she has a really bad feeling that this 'chemo thing' was going to kill her.

What am I supposed to say to that?

One way or another this frigging thing is going to kill her.

This whole thing is a nightmare.

My big girl has sent me a hand made card for Mothers Day, it is special.

I will share it with you later.

Right now it is almost 8 am and I am sitting here, the rain is pouring down and I am feeling decidedly overwhelmed by 'mother', having one and being one has been a wild ride this year!

Sorry if that was depressing.....just a tad gobsmacked by it all today

argh



14 comments:

Natalie said...

Well no wonder.
Maybe the greatest gift you could give yourself today, is to feel your feelings Chelle, and let it all just unfold however it is going to.

There will time for your Mother's story when you are ready.
We are here,love you.xoxo♥

Kathleen said...

You are walking the hard path right now ... still love you xxxx

Kerry said...

Hoping the best for your mum. Reading back through your blog, seems like life has certainly been hard for you both.

Hoping the clot episode is a one off. I imagine it would have been so scarey for her, and yourself.

Take today how ever you find it. Do what suits you and your moods, and just run with it.

Thinking of you.

Kerry

jewell said...

happy mother's day shell....love to all hugs xxxxx

Daria said...

Chemo does strange things to a person's body ... that is the truth.

It scares me and I've been doing this a long time.

... haven't noticed any broken capillaries.

Hope your mom can find some calm in the storm.

Cynthia said...

May you have the strength you need and a feeling of peace that washes unexpectedly over you, Michelle. Love to you <3

Sarah Lulu said...

Being a Mum AND a Daughter can be ohhhh so tough...we all get it. Yes we do ...it's not all roses and smiles is it?

Sending you SO much love and many prayers for strength and happiness.

Feel however you feel ...whatever that is.

Sarah Lulu xxxx

Audrey said...

Michelle, you might be feeling gobsmacked but I have to tell you - I am constantly inspired by your strength! You are so amazing - you have so much going on in your life,and you take it on, and look after people, and make necessary changes in your life, and still find time to love all of your bloggie friends. I cannot tell you how much you inspire me!
I hope that you have had a wonderful Mothers Day. And I hope that the upcomiing year blesses you with all of the abundance that you deserve!
xoxoxo

Cyndy said...

Life.

And the other.

And there is supposed to be just one day of the year to "celebrate" mothers?

I am gobsmacked with you.


xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Renee said...

Its hard Michelle, it is really hard. And you know that.

Maybe try on the dress of denial for the rest of Mother's Day. You can go back to being real tomorrow.

Happy Mother's Day dear friend.

Love Renee xoxo

Wendy said...

Positive energy sent your way today and every day ♥

Bogey said...

Hi Michelle,

You know, Mother's Day isn't always about the sentimentality written by some unknown author on a Hallmark card. It is about the journey that leads us to today. At least you are reflecting on your position of having a Mother and being one. Playing two roles in the same act is tough on anybody and takes courage and strength. Fortunately you have both. I hope both you and your Mum had a lovely day.

Butler and Bagman said...

I was going to do a post on Mother's day...but felt lousy yesterday...slept a lot...now I don't feel like it. But I can tell this is a tough one for you. I don't know what to say. I like Renee's idea of the dress of denial.

nollyposh said...

i used to talk about death all the time during chemo, i guess if you think about it, it is probably natural considering your body's immune system is being completely suppressed during the process... Probably a good thing to 'let it all out'... Mind you my mum didn't cope very well and began avoiding me that first week after each treatment, my sister on the other hand said to me that she just sat with me knowing that it would soon pass (and it did) x